Hi John,

Ever found yourself the target of resentment because of your success or achievements? What have you done? Do you confront the ill feelings, or slip into feelings of contempt and indignation yourself?

Today’s article explores a few ideas. Tell us in the comments section how you would handle this situation.
What Can You Do When Someone Won’t Forgive You?
by Ryan Trimble

A few years ago I was promoted to leadership while my senior colleague who also wanted the role was not. Since then, our relationship has deteriorated. He has said he feels personally attacked by direction I’ve given the team. I have tried to make it safe, contrast, state my path, start with heart, but to no avail. I’ve even given him small tokens of appreciation, but he won’t acknowledge my efforts to rebuild trust or communicate with me. I’ve been through your communication courses and received communication coaching, and I regularly seek feedback from my peers and leaders, and they say they feel safe to communicate openly with me. My manager and VP have said he has a personal issue with me, but none of us has been able to get him to open up. How can I “Make It Safe” for someone who clearly doesn’t feel safe?

Signed,
Olive Branch

Kudos. It sounds like you have gone to great lengths to mend the strain in your relationship and communicate openly and respectfully. That alone should bring you some solace, for while we all hope the Crucial Conversations skills will lead to better results in such moments—and they usually do—there is nothing you can do that will guarantee another responds in kind. When they don’t, we are left to take comfort in having acted with courage and respect.

That’s not to say you are out of options. Here are a few ideas that occurred to me while thinking about your question.
Continue Reading
virtual learning graphic
Feb 12–16

Crucial Conversations® for Mastering Dialogue

Join us live online and learn how to:

  • Resolve conflict.
  • Speak your mind truthfully and tactfully.
  • Reach alignment when stakes are high and opinions vary.
  • Navigate the most important interactions at home and work.
Register
 
 

When you heal yourself, you will offend those who have benefitted from your brokenness.
 
—Caroline Leaf