The Shame of the Adult Bedwetter

Years ago, I learned that someone I know never stopped wetting the bed, even well into adulthood. I have thought about it ever since.

As a medical condition, what’s called “nocturnal enuresis” is physically benign—there’s no shortened lifespan, no metastatis, no physical pain. But mentally and emotionally it can be isolating and devastating. And it’s so taboo that even though 1-3% of American adults live with some degree of nocturnal enuresis, there’s practically no other condition kept more secret by those who have it.

In recent months, I’ve talked to nearly a dozen people who wet the bed regularly as adults about their experiences in adolescence and beyond. And though many had never shared their stories with anyone outside their family, they all bore remarkable similarities to one another. Bedwetting touches their lives in ways you might never expect. As children and adolescents, it makes sleepovers, class trips, and summer camp terrifying prospects. As adults, it can make dating so daunting that some people abstain altogether. “I’m pretty sure that if I weren't directly dealing with this issue, I wouldn't be tolerant of it in a partner,” one woman said.

Yet, in almost all the stories I was told of the times when people did push through and share their secret—accidentally or intentionally—with friends or significant others, it ended with acceptance.

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