My mom died on December 13. This has become the saddest day of my life.
I loved my mom, and I know my mom loved me.
I went to visit her on the 9th because I spoke with her the week before on the phone and she just didn’t sound well. I thought I should go see her right away, so I caught a flight. But when I got there she was already in the hospital. I went to see her.
I didn’t know she was dying.
Lisa and I spoke on Tuesday, the 12th. Lisa, being a palliative care nurse, strongly advised me to “have the talk” with mom. Nothing to alarm her. Just speak about memories and how I love her and appreciate her. So Wednesday morning I got up early and was getting ready to go see her and do just that. Have the talk. Christine, my sister with whom mom lives in her granny suite, came running downstairs and said we had to get to the hospital right now because mom’s vitals were dropping.
We rushed to the hospital, and when we went into her room, the nurses told us she just died. Just breathed her last. She went in her sleep. She was still warm. I cried and cried and cried. I just couldn’t believe it. I still can’t.
I have so much emotion, even as I write you this. I can’t believe she’s gone. I miss her terribly.
I used to call her every few days. Actually, after her son, my brother, Mark took his own life in 2016, I began calling her every day. Over time I eased off to a couple times a week. We would just hang out, and chat about nothing serious. Sometimes I would ask her if she’d like a breakfast sandwich and a coffee from McDonald’s, and I would order it through Skip the Dishes and she would be enjoying it before we got off the phone. I’ll miss doing that. I’ll miss her unconditional love and the safe space she was for me. She was my comfort food, so to speak.
It convinced me that this is who I want to be for everyone… a safe space… a person of unconditional love… a comfort to others. Yes. That’s who I want to be.
