The most importance choices I ever made -- a story of abortion and parenthood

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I’ve been pregnant twice. I’ve had two abortions. And I have two healthy, wondrous children who recently turned 14.

I used to frame my fertility saga as a sort of riddle: “I’ve been pregnant twice, had two abortions -- how many children do I have?” But abortion is not really an appropriate subject for riddles, especially not now.

Not with Texas having enacted a law outlawing the procedure in almost all circumstances (a federal judge halted enforcement of the controversial new law this week, a ruling the state plans to appeal). Not with the Supreme Court poised this term to possibly dismantle Roe v. Wade, the landmark 1973 ruling that gave me the constitutional right to choose how to build my family.

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I’ve told my abortion story to friends, family and, yes, to my children -- it is part of their origin story, the story of how we chose to bring them into this world. I’m telling it publicly now for the first time.

The Guttmacher Institute estimates that nearly 1 in 4 American women have abortions by age 45, which is certainly more than we tend to hear about in polite conversation. The number of abortions has been dropping for two decades -- to 862,000 in 2017, down from about 1.6 million annually through the 1980s.

Mine is perhaps not the most compelling story in making the case for choice. I did not survive a rape or incest; my pregnancies did not endanger my life. My choices were made from a place of profound privilege.

But, alongside the brave congresswomen who testified last week about their abortions, and the more than 1,500 women who have joined the storytelling campaign Abortion Out Loud, I share my experience here because it is true and it is real and we should not be afraid to talk about it.

Your Turn

SHARE YOUR (JEWISH) STORIES OF ABORTION AND OTHER CHOICES

A few years ago, the Forward published this powerful article about Orthodox women who have had abortions. A couple years before that, Larry Cohler-Esses retraced his own story of assisting with a teenage abortion in 1969, before the procedure was legal. And last year, we ran this essay about Jewish women -- including the author's mother -- who fought for abortion rights.

With the issue back at the center of public debate, we'd love to publish more stories of abortion and other choices, from across the spectrum and across generations.

Watch: Bintel Live!

To mark the end of the first season of "A Bintel Brief," our Jewish advice podcast, the co-hosts, Ginna Green and Lynn Harris, joined me and our archivist, Chana Pollack, for a chat about Bintel's history and future -- and some rapid-fire advice. We talked about how to ensure balance in family chores while working at home, when to intervene in your kid's social life, and what to do when your partner doesn't like how you load the dishwasher.

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We've got amazing storytellers on the docket including Etgar Keret, Miz Cracker, Michael Barbaro and Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Plus: a silent auction for prizes including Yiddish lessons with Rukhl Schaechter and cooking demonstrations with Rob Eshman. Register now >

Your Weekend Reads

A FREE, PRINTABLE DOWNLOAD OF STORIES TO SAVOR OVER SHABBAT AND SUNDAY

On Thursday, the Forward won two awards from the Religion News Association. Ari Feldman was honored in the news category for his coverage of COVID in Orthodox communities, and Abigail Pogebrin's series "Still Small Voice: 18 Jewish questions about God" in enterprise category. We made this eBook of "Still Small Voice" for you to download and print.

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