Sad Wonka and Missing Kate Middleton Took Over This Week

This Week

The Willy Wonka fiasco and Kate Middleton dominated every thought.

Cautious hope for a good Oscars ceremony.

Richard Lewis’ uncannily timed Curb Your Enthusiasm scene.

Genius star casting.

A Beyoncé Mad Libs for the ages.

The Memes Were Meme-ing

This week was set up to be a huge bummer. You mean to tell me that, in the hellscape that is the year 2024, there was going to be an extra day? And that day was going to be in February?!

While misery persisted in this slog of a week over here in the States, our friends across the pond generously provided us with distraction. It turns out that a Leap Day isn’t so bad when it’s spent scrolling through memes and news about that broke-ass Willy Wonka exhibit in Glasgow, or poring through conspiracy theories on where in the world Kate Middleton has disappeared to.

The extent to which these two things took over the internet and dominated all of my free time—I could not scroll enough through posts on social media about them—can not be overstated. It’s been an absolute delight, and a reminder that there’s still a germ of what used to be fun, clever, and uniting about X, née Twitter, before it became the totally diseased parasite it’s devolved into.

The two viral phenomena—each carrying the polar opposite weight of consequence when it comes to “news” and “global ramifications”—seemingly exploded at once. It was almost overwhelming. But then again, tragically absurd Willy Wonka drama intermingling with serious news about the royal family does seem to just…fit for our current darkly delirious times.

If you’re not up to speed on either, first, the Wonkopalypse. An “immersive event” held over the weekend in Glasgow inspired by, but not officially affiliated with, the recent Wonka film starring Timothée Chalamet was marketed to locals with colorful posters advertising a celebration impressively in line with the movie’s whimsical aesthetic.

Families shelled out hundreds of dollars (tickets were roughly $44 each) to explore what was sold as “a universe where confectionary dreams are brought to life.” What they arrived at was Hell.

According to The Guardian, the actual event was merely “a sparsely decorated warehouse with a scattering of plastic props, a small bouncy castle and some backdrops pinned against the walls.” Children were left in tears over the disappointing experience. It’s been branded the latest Fyre Festival, with some people comparing the actual exhibits, in stark contrast to the cartoonish sets advertised, to a meth lab. The Scotland police were even called to the scene, customers were so pissed.

It’s the visuals, though, that really caused this story to take off:

The actors who tried doggedly to salvage the event have emerged as folk heroes. The actor playing Willy Wonka said he was given a script that was “15 pages of AI-generated gibberish,” and bemoaned that there was inexplicably no chocolate—just a sparse stock of jellybeans—at this chocolate factory event. The actress who played the Oompa Loompa in the photo that garnered meth lab comparisons proved to have an admirable attitude about the ridicule the event received and her role in it, and has since become somewhat of a social media star:

I don’t know how to segue from the Wonka madness to the Kate Middleton obsession, but that jarring back and forth has been the defining experience of being a Very Online Person this past week.

Kate Middleton hasn’t been seen in public for two months, since the palace reported that she was undergoing abdominal surgery. There have been updates of her discharge from the hospital, but royalists have found it peculiar that there’s been no photos of her emerging from the hospital and heading home, at the very least—and then not for the weeks since. For some reason, this week concern for why she’s, for lack of a better word, “missing” came to a head. And from that concern grew conspiracy theories—and from that, memes. So many memes.

This is a tough one. People online have gone down rabbit holes trying to explain what is going on, linking Middleton’s public absence to some nefarious royal plot. Others have made humorous suggestions of where she could be. The truth probably is quite obvious: The palace has said that she will return to her duties at the end of the March, suggesting that Middleton has likely been very sick and is recovering from a rough surgery. It’s a bit crass to joke in light of that.

That said, royal enthusiasts have been trading in their fascinators for tinfoil hats, and the results have been funny. So if we can acknowledge that we hope Middleton’s health is doing OK and that she gets well soon, maybe we can also let off a little steam and indulge some in the tongue-in-cheek speculation as to what Middleton might be doing, if not resting, for the possibly three months until we see her next. They’re so outrageous that I don’t find them cruel.

Some people looked up what might take three months to recover from, and joked that Middleton will emerge in April with a BBL (Brazilian butt lift). Another found that three-to-four months is the optimal time to grow out bangs. There’s not been a single new piece from Banksy since Middleton disappeared. Coincidence?

Others have pointed out that contestants generally are silent on social media and cancel all public gigs when they’re about to be announced in the cast of celebrity reality shows. Is Kate headed for the next iteration of RuPaul’s Drag U.K.? The Traitors Season 3? Or perhaps she will emerge with the most disturbing revelation of all: She’s now dating Pete Davidson.

My favorite joke theory came from a mom: “My three kids are roughly the same age as Kate Middleton’s so I can say pretty confidently that she is hiding in the bathroom pretending to pee for a really long time.”

I suspect there will be some photo released soon of Middleton in public, giving what global news this has somewhat shockingly become, to the point that it’s veering on international scandal—even if social media is laughing about it.

And when we do find out where she’s been, I think we’re all going to feel really bad for all of this week’s jokes. “You see,” Middleton will say, “I’ve been working on this Willy Wonka exhibit…”

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The Oscars Just Might Be Good This Year…

Being obsessed with award shows is strange, because it often involves complaining about and even hating award shows. Common gripes include: voters making ridiculous choices with nominees and winners; hosts bombing; and, chiefly, producers grossly misunderstanding what makes an award show telecast good.

The most common mistake is when awards organizations and telecast producers make ridiculous decisions aimed at courting viewers who have not expressed interest in investing or watching award shows, while simultaneously pissing off the people who do. Think: attempts to add Best Popular Movie categories to the Oscars—and actually, laughingly doing so at the Golden Globes—or minimizing the honoring of the nominees and diminishing the presentations of the awards and speeches themselves, with the assumption that doing so would make for a more entertaining show. (It never does.)

This week, however, my 15-year prayer—and the collective prayers of every gay man—was answered, giving us reason for great hope. For the first time since 2009, five past Oscar winners will introduce the five nominees for each acting award.

The 2009 Academy Awards, produced by Bill Condon (Dreamgirls) and hosted by Hugh Jackman, remains the best telecast of the millennium, and this nominee presentation pageant was the best part of it.

There was a tangible thrill in the room that emanated through the television when the five past winners were unveiled each time, and their tributes to each nominated actor were gorgeously heartfelt. The segment accomplished the task of highlighting the gravitas and drama of the Academy Awards—after the lengthy segments, the winner announcement was an explosion of feeling and honor—while doing the best job of any telecast to highlight the work of the nominees and their impact on the film industry. (Which is, hey, the point of these things!)

I have crusaded for the segment to return before, and I am not alone. Just look at the outpouring of glee amongst the gays huge Oscars fans when the news was announced this week.

Between this being a good omen for decisions producers will make this year, all five nominees for Best Original Song performing—including Ryan Gosling!—the always reliable Jimmy Kimmel hosting, and a legitimately excellent slate of nominees…dare I allow myself to be excited for this year’s show?

This Timing Is Incredible

Legendary comedian Richard Lewis died this week. Among the many things he’ll be remembered for—his stand-up career, Robin Hood: Men in Tights—his work playing himself on Curb Your Enthusiasmis near the top.

The final season of Curb is currently airing, and the most recent episode happened to feature a scene where Lewis tells Larry David that he’s amended his will to leave him money, as an appreciation for how great a friend Larry has been to him. In typical Curb fashion, Larry yells at him because it’s awkward and he doesn’t need the money, and Richard yells back not to insult him; this is what he wants to do.

It’s a great scene, as sweet as Curb Your Enthusiasm gets. The timing, just days before Lewis’ death, is incredibly poignant.

For some added tears, here’s David’s tribute to Lewis:

“Richard and I were born three days apart in the same hospital and for most of my life he’s been like a brother to me. He had that rare combination of being the funniest person and also the sweetest. But today he made me sob and for that I’ll never forgive him.”

This Is Amazing Casting

One of the greatest theater gifts in New York City right now is the long-running off-Broadway revival of Little Shop of Horrors. The show has rotated through an amazing, fittingly off-beat roster of Seymour and Audreys, with Broadway stalwarts like Jonathan Groff, Jeremy Jordan, and Darren Criss playing Seymour and more daring choices like Constance Wu, Maude Apatow, and Evan Rachel Wood playing Audrey.

The latest Audrey announcement is a thrill: RuPaul’s Drag Race icon Jinkx Monsoon.

Jinkx set box office records when they played Mama Morton in Chicago last year, is one of the greatest live performing talents working right now, and will crush this. What a fun, inclusive, perfect choice.

The Song Crossover I Didn’t Know I Needed

One never knows what wild Mad Libs they’ll encounter in news headlines these days. Still, I was thrown for a loop when I saw that Beyoncé’s new song “Texas Hold ’Em”—which I love; I spend all my free time watching TikToks of people doing that lil’ line dance—was being compared the theme song to late-’90s/early-’00s preschool cartoon Franklin.

Once it was brought to my attention, I immediately got it. It’s a compliment (the Franklin theme is a twangy banger). And the lovely addendum to the news: Bruce Cockburn, the composer of the Franklin theme, has heard about the comparisons, dismisses any copycat accusations, and is otherwise delighted.

More From The Daily Beast’s Obsessed

As fun as the hot mess of Couple to Throuple has been, it’s wildly failed the polyamory community. Read more.

We don’t want to live in a world where there is no The Good Wife spinoff airing. Luckily, we don’t have to. Read more.

A delightful interview with the delightful actor behind the delightful teacher Jacob Hill on Abbott Elementary. Read more.

The Regime: Kate Winslet gets her very own Succession-meets-Veep. (Sun. on HBO)

The Greatest Love Story Never Told: Of course the documentary about the making of J. Lo’s batshit new movie is utterly captivating. (Now on Prime Video)

Dune: Part Two: It’s big. It’s ambitious. It’s got so much sand.It’s very good. (Now in theaters)

Spaceman: Adam Sandler, why are you so sad? (Now on Netflix)

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