Congratulations on regaining sobriety. The work you’re now doing with your kids is the next natural step in the growth you’ve begun.

Addictions are attempts to find a shortcut to normal problems of living. Every human being has an addiction or two. We can become addicted to anger, withdrawal, pleasing, drinking, drugs, adrenaline seeking—all in an attempt to crowd out feelings of anxiety, hurt, and vulnerability.

We try to escape the natural discomforts and pain of life in ways that produce short-term relief but exact long-term costs.

You’ve spent the last year learning to deal with life on life’s terms without resorting to your shortcut. My friend Stephen Covey used to say, “You can’t talk yourself out of problems you’ve behaved yourself into.” Your problem with your nine-year-old is the natural consequence of how your past behavior affected him. He learned to mistrust you. The only path forward is for you to “behave your way out.” This is a next opportunity to deal with life on life’s terms.