| Did you really think I was going to go there? No way. There’s enough division. Unfortunately, it feels like we are more divided than ever and as I wrote in The One Truth, it’s because there’s a force that is always trying to divide and separate us. Whether it’s politics, policies, personality conflicts, miscommunication, and/or disagreements, issues often arise that can divide us at work and home if we let them. I really don’t want to know who you are voting for but I do want you to know that learning how to have difficult conversations is more important than ever. We need to have conversations that unite, not divide. So how do you do this? Implement the STAR3 Model from Difficult Conversations Don’t Have to be Difficult. S stands for Small Ego, Big Mission. When having a challenging conversation ask yourself what’s the bigger mission and don’t let your ego get in the way of that. For example, if you disagree with someone at work about politics remember to focus on the mission of your company and what unites you more than the politics dividing you. T stands for Tell the Truth. When having a conversation, it’s important to tell the truth with love. Former Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll implemented Tell the Truth Mondays with his team after Sunday football games. Every Monday they would get together, watch the tape of the game, and tell the truth about what they saw. Mistakes and bad plays were called out but no one took it personal because the truth was shared to make them better. A stands for Assume Positive Intent. When having a conversation assume that each person has the team’s best interest at heart. Assume that each person wants the best for others. If each person in a conversation assumes the best in each other, the spirit and the conversation will be elevated. R1 stands for Rules of Engagement. To make difficult conversations constructive and not destructive you’ll want to create rules of engagement. One of my team’s rules is “No meeting after the meeting”. One of your rules might be “We don’t get emotionally charged” during the conversation. R2 stands for Respect. Even though you may disagree with someone you can still respect them and see their value as a human being. You can agree to disagree and still be friends. R3 stands for Relationships. It’s important to decide that you will not let your difficult conversations ruin your relationships. For example, my friends and I had difficult conversations during the pandemic but we made a vow that we weren’t going to allow our debates to affect our relationships. I want to encourage you to do the same! Difficult conversations don’t have to be difficult and they can be conducted in such a way that leads to connection, not disconnection. -Jon | 