Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

 Good Morning, John! Today is Wednesday, May 31 Enjoy! Ophelia 
 Please vote for me at the EzineFinder 
 Thanks for voting for me! 
 Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter.  Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter.   Please vote for me at the EzineFinder 
 Thanks for voting for me! 
 ____________________________________________________ This version is just for testing your email, whether you can receive my newsletter or not. If you DO receive this, then you can subscribe to the full version. To keep out little kids, the full version costs one dollar a month or ten dollars a year. PayPal does the age check. You can use credit or debit cards at PayPal if you don't have a PayPal account yet.  Subscribe to the FULL version!    If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _____________________________________________________ Here is ONE of the many jokes from the full version: _____________________________________________________ 4 At A Party Nancy Was Telling Her Friend That She'd Sworn Off Men For Life. "They Lie, They Cheat, And They're Just No Good," She Moaned. "From Now On When I Want Sex, I'm Going To Use My Tried And Tested Plastic Companion," She Said. "What Happens When The Batteries Run Out?" Asked Her Friend. "That's Simple," Replied Nancy. "I'll Just Fake An Orgasm As Usual!" =====================================================   
 
  
 Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia  ======================================================

If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!

Enjoy! Ophelia

----------------------------------------- ---------ooooO----------------------- ---------( )-------Ooooo-------. ----------\ (---------( )-------- -----------\ \---------) /---------- ----------- \ _)--------/ /------------ -----------------------(_ /-------------- -----------------------------------------

[html][/html] Ophelia Dingbatter's News

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

  Good Morning, John! Today is Monday, May 29 Memorial Day in the USA: Honor those, who have died while in the armed forces. Enjoy! Ophelia

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder

Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 Sharon who was a heavy smoker invested in a cigarette lighter to economise in matches. After a short time it began to give her trouble. So she spoke to Martin who had one, having just seen him light a cigarette with it and put it in his pocket. Sharon: "Now be a dear, and tell me about that thing you have there in your trousers." Martin: (Misunderstanding her and feeling a bit embarrassed) "I'm not used to discussing such things with ladies." Sharon: "Now there is no need to be shy. Tell me, how does yours work? Do you jerk it up and down?" Martin: "Oh, sometimes..." Sharon: "Then it's different from mine, just opens and shuts. Do you rub yours up and down until something comes?" Martin: "Oh yes, especially in cold weather." Sharon: "Have you ever tried pulling your wick and dipping it?" Martin: "No, most certainly not!" Sharon: "Oh. You should, it does it good. You never soaked it before then?" Martin: "Of course I haven't." Sharon: "You should try it then sometimes, it takes the stiffness out of it." Martin: "Er, well... I'm afraid that you are a naughty girl." Sharon: (Thinking he referred to smoking) "Oh, every girl does it now a days anyway. What about your wick, is it a long one?" Martin: "Yes, it is rather on the long side." Sharon: "I think I will have to try a bigger one because the one I use does not seem to go far enough to do any good. Does yours go red on the end when it's dry?" Martin: "Yes." Sharon: "So does mine. In the past mine has been giving me much trouble. Would you like to have a look at it?" Martin: "No no, not now. We had better wait until it's dark." Sharon: "Don't be ridiculous, you can see much better in the daylight. It has been leaking these past few days so I have put a rag around it. I'll unwind it now (opening her handbag and producing her lighter). Look, here it is (dashing her lighter). It has run out again, damn... now I'll have to go back to matches." Martin collapses. _____________________________________________________ 2 Feeling bored of the routine way of love-making,the husband decided to find new ways to make love-making more interesting. So he decided to use his toes instead. After a few days, he noticed that he had a rash on his toes. Feeling uncomfortable, he went to a clinic and was diagnosed as having contracted herpes on his toes. The husband was shock and worry from the diagnosis. Trying to pacify, the doctor says "It's not that bad, this morning I attended a woman who was diagnosed as having athlete's crotch! It's amazing!" _____________________________________________________ 3 This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused. "Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers... you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor. "Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!" ____________________________________________________ 4 Six stages of married life: 1: Tri-weekly 2: Try weekly 3: Try weakly 4. Try oysters 5: Try anything 6: Try to remember _____________________________________________________ 5 The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just how much is that watch?" "It's $2000, ma'am." "Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?" "Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?" "I was thinking two times a week for the next two months." _____________________________________________________ 6 An old lady goes into the doctors and says "Doctor I've got terrible wind. I just can't stop. Luckily they are completely silent and they don't smell at all. In fact, you won't have noticed, but I've farted 20 times since I've been in here." The doctor listens and says "OK, well take these tablets, 3 per day for the next week and they should help." The lady returns a week later looking really crest fallen and not at all happy. She say's "Doctor, those tablets just made things worse. Now the farts smell dreadful." The doctor replied: "Well, now we've cleared your sinuses, we just need to sort out your hearing." =====================================================

Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia

If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!

====================================================== Click to subscribe to the full version! Enjoy! Ophelia

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.

Can you afford $1 per month?

To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,

2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,

3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you
   successfully receive the free subscription!

If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.

   Do NOT complain to me,
   if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.
   There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what
   goes on at your ISP or in your computer.

4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at

You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to

Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada

Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.

Enjoy!
Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

[email protected]

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
[email protected]

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version |

| Subscribe |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2014

85899
[html][/html]

[email protected]	If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please help me stay online!
Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News Don't worry, they will get a confirmation request. Unless they confirm, their subscription will not be completed..
Guaranteed Privacy! Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

189

You can un-subscribe from this list by clicking this link: http://webby.com/magiclist/index.cgi?act=u&l=Ding&[email protected]