I think it was Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote:
“In AA they always say to you, ‘How come your family knows how to push your buttons? Because they installed them… They were they are because they put them in you.’”
I relearn this every time I go to spend time with my birth family.
I just returned yesterday after taking care of my mom while my sister, whom she lives with, went on vacation.
There’s zero regret for going.
But it was hard.
Rams Das also said:
“If you think you’re enlightened, just go spend a week with your family.”
Ya. That too.
I’m not claiming to be enlightened.
Neither am I claiming my family is particularly difficult.
I think all families have their challenges. Mine is not exempt. Indeed not!
The feeling of being stretched to the limits of my patience and compassion and empathy was constant, and I returned exhausted, disappointed, confused, and hurt.
But I’m also not saying that one cannot be enlightened and feel powerful negative emotions. I shouldn’t even say “negative” because they just are… neutral and natural.
Whenever we are in intensely uncomfortable and challenging situations, it’s completely okay to wish that this cup would pass from us.
It’s not weakness. It’s humanness.
And what’s wrong with weakness anyway?
As I noted before… we all have buttons, triggers, wounds, tender nerves, unclear ideas, and coping, and escape mechanisms.
And they’re okay.
So… we do our best to navigate the mess without hurting anyone or providing more ammo for those who like to take potshots at us and bring us down.
I did that.
And I think I passed.
Thanks for listening to my rants LOL.
