Life-giving friendships are a vital part of thriving in ministry and thriving in life. Having to quarantine and distance from other people over the last few years has led many of us to be more intentional about cultivating and nurturing deeper and more authentic relationships. Vague wishes about “getting together” one day have become confirmed lunch dates on our calendars. It’s so much easier to appreciate the value of strong ties when we have spent more than two years without even shaking hands.
Pastoral leaders need at least two kinds of friends. The first group of friends usually consists of local colleagues or seminary classmates. The routines of congregational life make it difficult to bond with someone who wants to get to know you while playing golf on Sunday morning. Saturday night dinners will happen occasionally, but probably not as often as we’d like. Therefore, we are likely to gravitate toward people who share our vocation — because they can understand why we’re never available for an early Sunday brunch.
A second (and no less important) group of friends we need to cultivate is made up of people within the congregation. Temporarily set aside the age-old debate about whether pastors should be friends with members. This group of friends is made up of the kind of people Paul described in the Philippian church — our partners in the gospel (Philippians 1:5). Partners are the people you love, trust, respect and confide in as you carry out the lonely work of leading a congregation. If you’ve ever tried to lead change, you already know you need more than a vision. You need a supportive group of partners who will share the emotional and spiritual burden of the work. Your partners are people who are willing to say what the congregation needs to hear so that the pastor doesn’t always have to say it. Good partners make all the difference in the world.
