I recommend the book “Art & Fear” if you are into creativity at all, or if you just want to read something about having the courage to be and express yourself authentically, despite the risk and cost, then read this book. It’s a classic.
When I read the above quote, it shed light on the unnameable way I’ve been feeling lately.
I’ve been in a funk. Creativity has dropped.
Of course, a lot is going on that contributes to that. The state of the world, economic uncertainty, fear and anxiety about the future, and, for me, a noticeable decline in art sales. I mean… it’s understandable.
I’ve been here before. I call it the doldrums.
The doldrums are when there is no wind in your sails. You’re in your sailboat, but you are stranded on glass-like seas with no wind to carry you forward. All you can do is wait. Meanwhile, you can clean up your cabin, fish, mend your sails, write in your journal. And wait.
That’s where I am right now, and I’ve been here for a while.
But, like I said, I’ve been here before, and I usually know exactly what that means. It means that I’m waiting for clarity and direction. But, beneath all that, is fear. I’m afraid to move forward because I know it’s risky and it will cost me.
What am I afraid of?
I fear rejection. To be loved and accepted is important to me.
My mom always told me I was the peacemaker in the family. I hated and avoided conflict. But I know that what I do sometimes arouses violent reactions and conflict. BUT… I have more to say. And it is even more authentic. More honest. Therefore… more risky!
You know what I’m talking about. Right? We’ve all been in a place where we knew we had to come out in some way… to do with sexuality, gender, identity, politically, spiritually… in some way we had to say what we had to say, claim who we are now, knowing full well that we could very well be ridiculed or even rejected.
So we wait for the perfect time. But is there ever the perfect time? Like my mom also always used to say, “There’s no time like the present!”
Let’s see what comes of this.
