| Good Morning, Do! Thank You, Rick!! Today is Wednesday, May 24 ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 24 in 1930, Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to Australia. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Man Arrested For Attempting To Kidnap Child From San Merano Playground _____________________________________________________ Q All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. --- Dave Barry (1947 ) ______________________________________________________ Ice Age is coming! Gullible warming will return in 36 years. ______________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are." _____________________________________________________ A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rock Joseph Gibson 37, Palm Beach Gardens Florida, USA Man Arrested For Attempting To Kidnap Child From San Merano Playground A Palm Beach Gardens man was arrested after a witness stopped him from kidnapping a 4-year-old child from a playground in a Palm Beach Gardens apartment complex. Palm Beach Gardens Police responded to the San Merano apartment complex at 7 PM on Sunday, May 21st, 2023 in response to a disturbance. Officers quickly learned that the disturbance was actually a kidnapping suspect being held by witnesses while they waited for Police. According to an arrest affidavit, when police arrived, Joseph Gibson, 37, was in the custody of a witness who had admitted to punching Gibson, in self-defense. Witnesses say that Gibson walked into the playground located in the San Merano apartment complex, where he lives, and picked up the 4-year-old boy with both arms. Gibson was seen trying to carry the kid out of the playground. The boy was just playing with his sister when she started screaming for her parents to come help. The parents then found the boy wrapped in Gibsons arms as he was trying to leave the park. A parent then ripped the boy from Gibsons grip. Gibson then exited the park when he ran into another man who said he didnt know what Gibson was going to do next. The man said that he then punched Gibson in self-defense. The man kept custody of Gibson until the Police showed up and arrested him. Gibson identified himself to the Police as deez nutts, when they asked for his name. For that, he faces 1 charge of resisting / obstruction without violence. Gibson was transferred to a local hospital and then arrested by the Palm Beach Gardens Police and charged with the following: 787.02(1B) FALSE IMPRISONMENTCHILD UNDER 13 YEARS OF AGE 827.03(2C) CHILD ABUSE 843.02 RESIST/OBSTRUCT OFFICER WITHOUT VIOLENCE ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Carol RE: File Extensions Dear Webby, I followed your example and bought a refurb W7 for $300. It is FAST! It is like my storebought W7 was 15 years ago, except it was not polluted with all kinds of freebie trial versions. JUST the operating system and Open Office. I LOVE it! Question I got is how do I make it show file extensions in the file explorer and when saving files? Thanks Carol Dear Carol Windows doesn't show file extensions by default, but you can change a single setting and make Windows 7, 8, or 10 always show you each file's full file name. That is actually quite easy, though a bit convoluted. Right-Click the Start, type exp into the search at the bottom. That opens a selection box with WINDOWS EXPLORER on top Select that. Careful NOT to fall into Internet Explorer! In Explorer click on ORGANIZE at the left top. In there click on FOLDER & Search Options In there, click VIEW Next Click and Uncheck the Hide extensions for known file types check box. Click OK to finish. That is all. Phew! Just keep the Humor Letter open on the side to follow the instructions. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Amanpreet was at the county fair when he happened upon a fortune teller's tent. Thinking, "What the heck, it'll be good for a laugh or two," he dashed inside and sat down. The fortune teller took his money, lowered the lights, and gazed into her crystal ball. "Ahhh," she said, "I see you are the father of two children!" "Ha!" Lizard Pecker said, "That's what you think. I'm the father of THREE children." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think." _____________________________________________ It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a Catholic and my father's Jewish." "Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?" "I believe in everything," said the first child. "What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child. "Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Snow White, everything." ____________________________________________ Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!! ___________________________________________________ >From dad: "This one bloomed today." The colorful vase in the background is from our first visit to the restaurant and gift shop in Monument Valley, Utah. If you are in that area, definitely visit there. Right from the restaurant you have a fantastic view of some of the huge monuments. Occasionally we went through there when there was a 30 foot visibility sand storm, but the steak sandwiches were still excellent. HIGHLY recomended! __________________________________________________ Becky, a good Assessment nurse was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. She reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, she told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will. When she got home and told her husband of what she had seen and done. Her husband asked, "Was the Patient that bad?" Becky said, "Nah, I just didn't want to be the only sucker called out on a night like this." _________________________________________________ HOW TO PLEASE YOUR I.T. DEPARTMENT [A quick check list for those who need to make contact.] 1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours. 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here. 3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords. 4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all. 5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing. 6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve. 7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. 8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here. 10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors. 11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle. 12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument. 13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us. 14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. 15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work. ____________________________________________________ Today, May 24 in 1610, Sir Thomas Gates institutes "laws divine moral and marshal," a harsh civil code for Jamestown. 1624, After years of unprofitable operation Virginias charter was revoked and it became a royal colony. 1689, The English Parliament passed Act of Toleration, protecting Protestants. Roman Catholics were specifically excluded from exemption. 1738, The Methodist Church was established. 1764, Bostonian lawyer James Otis denounced "taxation without representation" and called for the colonies to unite in demonstrating their opposition to Britains new tax measures. 1798, Believing that a French invasion of Ireland was imminent, Irish nationalists rose up against the British occupation. 1816, Emamual Leutze was born in Germany. He was most famous for his paintings "Washington Crossing the Delaware" and "Columbus Before the Queen". 1822, At the Battle of Pichincha, Bolivar secured independence of the Quito. 1830, The first passenger railroad service in the U.S. began service. 1844, Samuel F.B. Morse formally opened America's first telegraph line. The first message was sent from Washington, DC, to Baltimore, MD. The message was "What hath God wrought?" 1859, Charles Gounod's "Ave Maria" was performed by Madame Caroline Miolan-Carvalho for the first time in public. 1863, Bushwackers led by Captain William Marchbanks attacked a U.S. Federal militia party in Nevada, Missouri. 1878, The first American bicycle race was held in Boston. 1881, About 200 people died when the Canadian ferry Princess Victoria sank near London, Ontario. 1883, After 14 years of construction the Brooklyn Bridge was opened to traffic. 1899, The first public garage was opened by W.T. McCullough. 1913, The U.S. Department of Labor entered into its first strike mediation. The dispute was between the Railroad Clerks of the New York, New Haven and Hartford Railroad. 1930, Amy Johnson became the first woman to fly from England to Australia. 1931, B&O Railroad began service with the first passenger train to have air conditioning throughout. The run was between New York City and Washington, DC. 1935, The Cincinnati Reds played the Philadelphia Phillies in the first major league baseball game at night. The switch for the floodlights was thrown by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt. 1941, The HMS Hood was sunk by the German battleship Bismarck in the North Atlantic. Only three people survived. 1954, The first moving sidewalk in a railroad station was opened in Jersey City, NJ. 1961, The Freedom Riders were arrested in Jackson, Mississippi. 1967, California Governor Ronald Reagan greeted Charles M. Schulz at the state capitol in observance of the legislature-proclaimed "Charles Schulz Day." 1976, Britain and France opened trans-Atlantic Concorde service to Washington. 1980, The International Court of Justice issued a final decision calling for the release of the hostages taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 1983, The Brooklyn Bridge's 100th birthday was celebrated. 1983, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the federal government had the right to deny tax breaks to schools that racially discriminate. 1986, Montreal won its 23rd National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup championship. 1990, The Edmonton Oilers won their fifth National Hockey League (NHL) Stanley Cup. 1993, Roman Catholic Cardinal Juan Jesus Posada Ocampo and six other people were killed at the Guadalajara, Mexico, airport in a shootout that involved drug gangs. 1993, The Ethiopian province of Eritrea declared itself an independent nation. 1994, The four men convicted of bombing the New York's World Trade Center were each sentenced to 240 years in prison. 1999, 39 miners were killed in an underground gas explosion in the Ukraine. 2000, Five people were killed and two others wounded when two gunmen entered a Wendy's restaurant in Flushing, Queens, New York. The gunmen tied up the victims in the basement and then shot them. 2000, The U.S. House of Representatives approved permanent normal trade relations with China. China was not happy about some of the human rights conditions that had been attached by the U.S. lawmakers. 2000, A Democratic Party event for Al Gore in Washington brought in $26.5 million. The amount set a new record, which had just been set the previous month by Republicans for Texas Gov. George W. Bush. 2001, Temba Tsheri, 15, became the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. 2011, NASA announced the development of the Orion Multi- Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) spacecraft. It is intended to facilitate exploration of the Moon, asteroids and Mars. 2023, Do smiled.
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