Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 21 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 21 in  1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Mummified human remains, altar found in child sex assault suspect  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. --- Bill Vaughan I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) _______________________________________________ The Mayo Clinic, getting on board with today's diet and health conscious society, just changed its name. It's now the Balsamic Vinaigrette Clinic. ________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Robert Frank Williams, 53, Newarkm New Jersey  Mummified human remains, altar found in child sex assault suspect  A 53-year-old man arrested after he allegedly sexually assaulted a 13-year-old child repeatedly had mummified remains in a closet in his home, police said. Police also found an altar to an unknown deity in Robert Frank Williams' bedroom, officials said. They found the remains and altar when they executed a search warrant Thursday in connection to the sexual assaults. Williams allegedly sexually assaulted a minor over a period of several months, beginning in 2018. He's charged with first degree aggravated sexual assault for engaging in an act of penetration upon on a child younger than 13 years of age, first degree endangering the welfare of a child for the production of items depicting the sexual exploitation or abuse of a child, second degree sexual assault upon a victim who was between the ages of 13 and 15, second degree luring, third degree endangering the welfare of a child for engaging in sexual conduct with a child and second degree desecration of human remains. Authorities have not released any identification of the remains, as of Monday.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Virginia Re: Zoom not working for print  Dear Webby, When I zoomed to larger print on this letter and two others tonight, instead of getting the one I was printing the previous one presented itself. I don't know if I worded that correctly , I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. So in order to print it I had to return to the smaller print. What did I do wrong? Thanks for your help, Virginia.  Dear Virginia CTRL-Scrollwheel only changes what the monitor shows, like a magnifying glass. It does not edit the page. The printer prints the page as you received it. If you want to print just part of it, for example a tech tip or a joke, highlight that, and hit CTRL P to Print, then checkmark "Selection Only" Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey." 
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 Young Jock McTavish from Glasgow went to study at a university in England and was living in the hall of residence. After a week his mother rang him. "How do you get along with the other students, Jock?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "they are terribly noisy people. The one on one side keeps banging his head on the wall. The one on the other side screams all night." "Oh Jock!" said his mother. "How do you manage to put up with such noisy neighbours?" "I don't do anything. I just stand here quietly, playing my bagpipes!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Uses for Socks Here are some uses for unmatched socks. Make a sock puppet with some sewn on buttons for eyes. Put a sock on your hand and use it as a dust rag. Slip a sock over a yard stick and secure it with a rubber band and to clean under your fridge. Save them for the winter when you need to wear two pairs. thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________   
  
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 ___________________________________________________ One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Pritchard, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Pritchard to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked. "Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all you idiots banging metal spoons against metal pots, I'd go nuts and kill half of you." ___________________________________________________ As a roving columnist for a regional agricultural publication, I gather material by traveling with a saddle horse and a pack mule. Because my job is a bit unusual, my writings have attracted a following. Admittedly, my ego soars when folks recognize me and stop to chat. I had things put in their proper perspective, however, one cold day in eastern Montana. My animals and I were loafing along. As a stock truck passed by us, the driver waved, and I waved back. I was sure that he was one of my fans. Minutes later, the truck driver came back and pulled off to the side of the road. "You're that writer fellow, aren't you?" he asked. "That's right," I replied, beaming. "I thought so," he said. "I recognized your mule." ___________________________________________________ A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening." __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, August 21 in 1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took possession of Santa Fe, NM. 1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection in Virginia. He was later executed. 1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 1912 Arthur R. Eldred became the first American boy to become an Eagle Scout. It is the highest rank in the Boy Scouts of America. 1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska had been the last North American foothold held by the Japanese. 1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that had shipped about $50 billion in arms and ammo to America's Allies England and Soviet Union during World War II. They did not pay back foe that. 1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist anti-government protesters. 1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune moon called Triton. 1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. The fate of the spacecraft is unknown. The mission cost $980 million. 1994 Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election. 1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the largest food recall in U.S. history. 1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the United States. 2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended his term in office and granted himself powers that included the right to dissolve parliament. 2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide the country out of 14 years of civil war. 2019 Do smiled.