Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, March 25 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 25 in 1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set and began mass production. ______________________________________________________ I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Wichita man gets life + in prison for raping teen for years __________________________________________ QUESTION: "Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?" ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast", "sex", and "contraception". Some Protestant sects believe that the characters' destinations are predestined; and that it's therefore not worth worrying about--- they'll go where they're supposed to go, according to the unknowable plans of the OEM. The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower case letters will become upper case. The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same. The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also. Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah! IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life. PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!! __________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dzung Ninh, 55, Wichita, Kansas Wichita man gets life + in prison for raping teen for years A 55-year-old Wichita man who raped a teenager over several years will have to spend nearly 39 years in prison before he's eligible for parole. Judge Jeffrey Syrios on Tuesday sentenced Dzung Ninh to life plus 165 months. He will be eligible for parole on the life sentence after 25 years. If parole is granted, he will then begin serving the 165 months, or just under 14 years. The Sedgwick County DA's office said the sexual assaults began when the victim was 13 and continued until she turned 17 in 2017. Ninh was arrested shortly after the victim's boyfriend told her mother about the abuse. Her mother contacted police. Ninh was convicted in January of three counts of rape, two counts of aggravated criminal sodomy and aggravated indecent liberties with a child. Judge Syrios referenced the victim's fears in his ruling. "No doubt in my mind those fears have now become a reality for her, and that reality will likely continue for the rest of her life. There is a price for imposing that reality on her, on stealing that innocence. The price is this sentence." DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dick Re: Zoom instead of Skype Dear Webby, I'm surprised that you didn't mention Zoom as well as Skype. I've used both, and I found that Zoom was much more stable than Skype, and you can do a group session for free for up to 40 minutes on Zoom. Our church is doing Zoom services now that the church is closed due to C virus concerns. It has worked very well for us. It costs $15/mo for unlimited length meetings for up to 100 people. Dick B Dear Dick Thanks for that valuable info! Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | : Walrus With The Most Beautiful Voice |
_____________________________________________ Maxine's Top Ten Tips to Entertaining 1. When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all come from the same fast-food restaurant. 2. Entertaining in your backyard? The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who's muscular and shirtless. 3. My favorite party game is "Pin the Cleanup on the Guests." 4. Nothing in the world is quite so entertaining as pouring old milk into new containers before having guests over. 5. A good host must always be a STICKLER for attractive food presentation! I always take the foil COMPLETELY OFF the TV dinner before serving. 6. Getting your home in tiptop shape for a party can be fun if you think of it as kicking dust bunny tail! 7. Take short cuts! I used to offer my guests instant coffee. They kept whining for hot water to go with it. 8. The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum foil tent over your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to prepare for relatives is to pitch a tent in the backyard and stay there until they leave. 9. When decorating for a party, be creative with regular household items. Some people might just see a moldy shower curtain with torn eyelets. What do I see? A new tablecloth. 10. The better you cook, the more likely your guests will return. Which is why I'm not usually too hot in the kitchen. _____________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my hoss!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. Then he addressed no one in particular and he walked back to the bar and yelled, "ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA SIT DOWN AND HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! . . . AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled-up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go . . . what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home." ____________________________________________ A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him a look up and down and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." The underclassman said, "Sorry, I didn't realize you were pregnant. It barely shows. Do you have any idea who the father might be?" ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 25 0421 The city of Venice was founded. 1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland. 1409 The Council of Pisa opened. 1609 Henry Hudson left on an exploration for Dutch East India Co. 1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland. 1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military victory over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland. 1655 Christian Huygens discovered Titan. Titan is Saturn's largest satellite. 1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 20,000 people were killed. 1700 England, France and Netherlands ratify the 2nd Extermination Treaty. 1753 Voltaire left the court of Frederik II of Prussia. 1774 English Parliament passed the Boston Port Bill. 1807 The first railway passenger service began in England. 1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade. 1813 The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in battle in the Pacific. 1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey. 1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine. 1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. 1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and sank. 400 people were killed. 1865 During the American Civil War, Confederate forces captured Fort Stedman in Virginia. 1879 Japan invaded the kingdom of Liuqiu (Ryukyu) Islands, formerly a vassal of China. 1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia). 1900 The U.S. Socialist Party was formed in Indianapolis. 1901 55 people died when a Rock Island train derailed near Marshalltown, IA. 1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the five-day "Week of Nice" in Nice, France. 1901 It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were beginning to fear annexation. 1902 Irving W. Colburn patented the sheet glass drawing machine. 1902 In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia. 1905 Rebel battle flags that were captured during the American Civil War were returned to the South. 1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace. 1907 Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. 1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 300 murder charges. 1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off the Hawaiian coast. 1919 The Paris Peace Commission adopted a plan to protect nations from the influx of foreign labor. 1923 The British government granted Trans-Jordan autonomy. 1931 Fifty people were killed in riots that broke out in India. Gandhi was one of many people assaulted. 1936 The Detroit Red Wings defeated the Montreal Maroons in the longest hockey game to date. The game lasted for 2 hours and 56 minutes. 1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all American warplanes. 1941 Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers. 1941 The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC. 1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people. 1947 John D. Rockefeller III presented a check for $8.5 million to the United Nations for the purchase of land for the site of the U.N. center. 1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea. 1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set and began mass production. 1957 The European Economic Community was established with the signing of the Treaty of Rome. 1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered submarine for the first time. 1965 Martin Luther King Jr. led a group of 25,000 to the state capital in Montgomery, AL. 1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight. 1972 Bobby Hull joined Gordie Howe to become only the second National Hockey League player to score 600 career goals. 1975 King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by a nephew. The nephew, with a history of mental illness, was beheaded the following June. 1981 The U.S. Embassy in San Salvador was damaged when gunmen attacked using rocket propelled grenades and machine guns. 1982 Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to score 200 points in a season. 1983 The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. social security system from bankruptcy. 1985 It was reported that a U.S. Army Major stationed in East Germany had been shot and killed by a Soviet Border Guard. 1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for the Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to the Nicaraguan border. 1988 Robert E. Chambers Jr. pled guilty to first-degree manslaughter in the death of 18-year-old Jennifer Levin. The case was known as New York City's "preppie murder case." 1989 In Paris, the Louvre reopened with I.M. Pei's new courtyard pyramid. 1990 A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social club, killed 87 people. 1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union. 1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major counter-offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in northern Iraq. 1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. 1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled. 1994 United States troops completed their withdrawal from Somalia. 1995 Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 3 years. 1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began at a ranch near Jordan, MT. 1998 A cancer patient was the first known to die under Oregon's doctor-assisted suicide law. 1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses for new wireless technology. 1998 Quinn Pletcher was found guilty on charges of extortion. He had threatened to kill Bill Gates unless he was paid $5 million. 2002 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) dismissed complaints against Walt Disney Co.'s ABC network broadcast of a Victoria's Secret fashion show in November 2001. 2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims of Violence Act (H.R. 1997) to make it a separate crime to harm a fetus during the commission of a violent federal crime. 2020 Do smiled. |
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