| Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Arlene!! Thank You, Micki! Today is Fiday, June 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Back in the saddle again! However on Monday I have to go to Calgary again for injections. That means no Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday issues. Friday I will be here again. ____________________________________________________ History: Today, June 2 in 1897, Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that he had died. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead 20-year-old is now arrested for four counts of first-degree murder and one count of attempted first-degree murder. _____________________________________________________ Q I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport They certainly give very strange names to diseases. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert A. Heinlein ______________________________________________________ >From Donny I was at my bank to make a deposit when the clerk behind the counter turned to the computer for information. As she touched sa button, all sorts of odd symbols started flashing across the screen. I heard her gasp, and then she turned to me in wide-eyed wonder and exclaimed, "It's swearing at me!" _____________________________________________________ A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause) . . . " The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause) . . . " Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I KNOW the answer must be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" ______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been reported by Rock Iren Byers, 20, Phoenix, Arizona, USA 20-year-old is now being accused of four counts of first- degree murder and one count of attempted first-degree murder. A suspect has been arrested after a string of shootings in Mesa and Phoenix that left four people dead and one person injured. Iren Byers, 20, was originally taken into custody near Main Street and Ext Road for trespassing on May 28. He allegedly confessed to all the crimes, and he told police where they could find the clothes he wore and the handgun he used for the shootings. Detectives linked his handgun to another murder that happened near 24th Street and Oak in Phoenix on Friday before the Mesa shootings. A 41-year-old man, identified as Nicholas Arnstad, had been found dead next to a canal in the area. Byers also reportedly confessed to killing him during the police interview. In total, the 20-year-old is now being accused of four counts of first-degree murder and one count of attempted first-degree murder. Police say security video from the shooting scenes all linked Byers to the homicides. He is believed to be the only suspect in this case. On May 26 around 10:30 p.m., police found the body of a 41- year-old man near Alma School Road and Main Street. He is Julian Cox. While police were still investigating the body being found, they heard gunshots in the area. By 12:15 a.m. later that morning, officers found 36-year-old Angela Fonseca who had been shot near Main Street and Stewart she's stable at the hospital with serious injuries. At around 1 a.m. near Country Club Drive and Broadway Road, a 41-year-old man's body was found near a Greyhound station. He's identified as Stephen Young. As police searched the area, another body was found around 2 a.m. near 2nd Avenue and Extension, just blocks away. That victim is named John Swain, 40. In court paperwork obtained on May 28, some of the details that stood out were the apparent motives for each of Byers' alleged killings. For the first victim in Phoenix, authorities say Byers shot the man in the head because he was smoking fentanyl, and he didn't like that because his brother abused it too. In the second shooting, Byers reportedly told police that the victim was talking about "blues," a term used to refer to fentanyl, and so he shot him in the head. In the third shooting, the paperwork says Byers shot a woman in the face because "she made him mad," then shot her again because "she wasn't dead yet." In the fourth shooting, police say Byers wanted to smoke weed, but the victim said he wanted fentanyl instead, so he shot him in the head. In the last shooting, Byers reportedly told investigators that he shot the victim in the head because he "was homeless and not from around here." The victim reportedly fell down a hill and Byers followed him and kept shooting. Police say Byers didn't request any medical aid for the victims because he thought they didn't deserve it. Investigators say he didn't show any remorse for the crimes he's accused of. "All of the fired casings located from each case were seized and inspected for NIBIN evaluation and entry. Preliminarily, at least one casing from each scene matched being fired from the same handgun," paperwork read. NIBIN stands for the National Integrated Ballistic Information Network. Police say Byers told investigators the clothes he was wearing during the crimes were in his grandmother's room. A red T- shirt, black pants and a black fanny pack were found following a search warrant. Inside the fanny pack was the 9mm Taurus handgun police say was used in the killings and matched the casings from the scenes. ___________________________________________________ This is an ancient classic! Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful single daughter. So one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large SPLASH! One guy was in the pool, swimming as fast as he could, and the crowd was cheering him on. Finally he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain, so which do you want: my daughter or the one million dollars? (That was before Bidenflation, when a Million dollars was still a lot of money) The guy says "Listen I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I just want the goober who pushed me into that pool! ___________________________________________________ The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. "Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire at the SHELL gas station across the street, and because the S in the SHELL sign is not visible from here, we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Miranda RE: ZOOM Dear Webby, I tried your suggested ZOOM, but even though I am quite computer literate, I find Skype to be considerably easier. Yes, I read that ZOOM's fortunes rocketed 40 BILLION bucks this year, but I don't see why. The program works, but sure takes some getting used to. I realize that Skype and FaceBook took off like crazy because of Jewish originators, but in the case of Zoom, the creator is a Chinese born Californian. So, what gives? Miranda Dear Miranda Keep in mind that Billions of people are thoroughly pissed right off about Microsoft forcing W10 down their throat. They might be quietly grumbling about ZOOMs user interface not being as logical or intuitive as they would like, but they are loudly yelling and screaming about W10. If you consider the mass migration to ZOOM to be a revolt against Microsoft, then you would probably be about 120% right. The recent changes to Skype, aligning it to W10's anti-productive concepts and networking failures, and the forced updates every time there is a power failure or a Windoze crash, of course did not help. Those forced updates don't bring Skype closer to ZOOM, they just ensure that you dont accidentally stop hating Mixcrosoft. W10 also drives Millions of people to ZOOM. W10 is a total nightmare when it comes to networking. With ZOOM you are a generation ahead. I noticed that of the hundreds of Skype contacts I used to have, only the oldest ones still show as live. The vast majority seems to have either died or migrated. If I had any money, I would definitely invest in ZOOM shares. Considering that ZOOM is about the only way to strike back at the "Evil Empire", a LOT of people are going to buy ZOOM shares, and their worth will probably go over 50 Billion before year end. Naturally, not all shareholders will actually use ZOOM, unless you page them, but none of them will ever go back to Skype. You will get comfortable with ZOOM LONG before you are comfortable with W10, W11, or W12. The way you can edit spreadsheets and documents via ZOOM will create a totally new way of cheatin school exams and and job interviews, with Mama correcting mistakes from the next continent. All the kids benefitting from that will be very loyal ZOOM users. Skype was great before Microsoft screwed it up, but the way it is now, it is 2 generations behind Zoom. Just wait until your spouse or lover ZOOMs you, and you see a large, crisp and sharp picture instead of a fuzzy stamp. You will quickly get used to it. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ >From Donny After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, a woman sitting next to him pulled out her mobile phone. She started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train". "Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting. No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!" Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly. When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed." Sue doesn't use her mobile phone in public any longer. _____________________________________________ Two RV drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS. The first driver measures the RV and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!" The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. We can go!" ____________________________________________ "I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome,sensitive, caring and considerate." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol asked?" "Oh," Betty replied, "the second one is straight." ___________________________________________________ Shirley Otway Varied Thrush Lake Minnewanka __________________________________________________ Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! _________________________________________________ Attn: IRS Enclosed is my 2022 tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat. Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of 422.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw.) It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. Sincerely, A satisfied taxpayer ____________________________________________________ Today, June 2 in 1537, Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 1774, The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 1793, Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against the French Republic. 1818, The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay, India. 1835, P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161- year-old nurse of George Washington. 1851, Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law prohibiting alcohol. 1883, The first baseball game under electric lights was played in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 1886, Grover Cleveland became the second U.S. president to get married while in office. He was the first to have a wedding in the White House. 1896, Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented in Great Britain. 1897, Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that he had died. 1910, Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non- stop and double cross the English Channel. 1924, All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the U.S. Congress. 1928, Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 1930, Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 1946, Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead of a monarchy. 1953, Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster Abbey. 1954, U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 1957, Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS- TV. 1966, Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 1969, The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to the public. 1969, Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. 1979, Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 1985, The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 1985, Tommy Sandt was ejected from a major-league baseball game before the national anthem was played. He had complained to the umpire about a call against his team the night before. 1995, Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 1998, Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 1998, Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program by requiring that all children be taught in English. 1999, In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson Mandela as the nation's president. 2003, In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting combinations in the same city. The previous ownership restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 2003, In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests were aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. 2003, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be sued under a trademark law for using information in the public domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp. over their use of World War II footage. 2003, William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's "Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-granddaughter of Henri Matisse. 2023, Do smiled.
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