Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 14 Thank you, Rock!!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Asshat stabs Walmart cashier in the head  ___________________________________________________ Today, January 14 in 1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the aging process and cell death. _____________________________________________________ Television is a new medium. It's called a medium because nothing is well-done. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) "The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet." --- Theodore M. Hesburgh _____________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for her, saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long. _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Allan for this story: It was Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..." *Click...* _____________________________________________________   Sandra Vilumsone ___________________________________________________ A County Health Department inspector paid a visit recently and pointed out that research by the Food and Drug Administration indicates that one in four eggs carries salmonella bacterium, so restaurants should never use more than three eggs when preparing quiche. The manager on duty wondered aloud if simply throwing out three eggs from each dozen and using the remaining nine in four-egg-quiches would serve the same purpose. The inspector wasn't sure, but she said she would research it. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Hichman Asfir. 40, Waterbury, CT USA  Asshat stabs Walmart cashier in the head  A Wolcott woman recalled the moments when a Walmart cashier was stabbed in the head on Sunday. She was with her young daughter when the stabbing occurred. We were going for groceries and to get my 8-year-old daughter a toy with the money she got from Christmas, said Sarah Scovill. Sarah Scovill has been at this Walmart location many times before. She was at the self-checkout when the stabbing occurred. Immediately, she started screaming. I still cant get the screaming out of my head. It was like a horror movie. She was grabbing her head and she then fell to the ground and was shaking on the ground, Scovill said. Waterbury Police said 40-year-old Hichman Asfir stabbed the cashier after she told him how much a gallon of milk was. Scovill said a group of customers surrounded him until police arrived and arrested him. The cashier was taken to the hospital, but is home recovering now. Scovill said her daughter didnt see the stabbing happen, but witnessed the aftermath. We were standing right there when she was wheeled away and she saw, I mean the poor woman had tears rushing down her face. It was horrible, so she saw all of that, Scovill said. The day after, some shoppers say it was weird being in the store after what happened, but Stephanie Ferrer noticed a change inside that helped. Theres a police officer in there today, which made me feel a little safe in there, definitely. They should have one police officer in every store these days with everything, Ferrer said. Scovill said her daughter has had trouble sleeping and they dont plan to return to Walmart anytime soon, but she wants the cashier to know shes there for her. I know physically shell recover, but this is very traumatic for her. I hope Walmart does something to help her, Scovill said. Asfir was charged with first-degree assault and second-degree breach of peace. He was arraigned on Monday morning and is being held on a $250,000 bond. His next court date is Jan. 27.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From:Lisa Re: Zone Alarm problem  Dear Webby Yesterday I downloaded the updates for Zone Alarm.... curiously, right after that, internet explorer stopped being able to load web pages. My windows live messenger stopped being able to sign in and pictures in emails started showing up as x's. My email still works though. I called Earthlink, after a few ping tests, they suggested a system recovery. It was TURNED OFF for some reason, when I turned it on... it wouldn't let me go back to any previous restore point! (I have used it once). So... they suggested I reload IE, meaning I would have to save all my personal files and reload my system. I tried that, it wouldn't let me, saying that my version of Windows is newer than the one that came with the computer. I can't get online to dl another copy so I got one elsewhere on a disc. I loaded IE 7.0 but it won't work either. Now what??? Thanks! : ) Lisa  Dear Lisa You are asking a Dodge mechanic what to do, after the Yugo, that you got free at the junkyard, failed to stop at the end of the garage, smashed through it and the air conditioner, and then wound up in the neighbor's pool. I would suggest not making a habit of doing that, no matter how hilarious it appears to onlookers. At this point it's impossible to tell whether your free Yugo caused the problem, or whether it simply allowed bad stuff to enter your machine. The damage is done. Earthlink is right. It's probably fastest to save your data, format the machine and re-install Windows from your original factory reset partition. To avoid making a habit out of what you did, I would highly recommend that you use MalwareBytes instead of Zone Alarm. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head, "Whenever I mention sex, they object." 
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 A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" ____________________________________________ Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We got up there, got to know 'em a little bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em baptized and part of the congregation. Then we asked them for a contribution. Haven't seen 'em since." ____________________________________________ A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Keep trying," snapped the little old lady, "you are not even close yet!" ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today Jan 14 in 1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental Orders," was adopted. 1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England ending the Revolutionary War. 1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention Celluloid was registered as a trademark. 1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for Britain's Queen Victoria. 1882 The Myopia Hunt Club, in Winchester, MA, became the first country club in the United States. 1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, Jamaica. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the country's Parliament. 1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage only lasted nine months. 1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator. The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 1986 "Rambo: First Blood, Part II" arrived at video stores. It broke the record set by "Ghostbusters", for first day orders. 435,000 copies of the video were sold. 1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 1996 Jorge Sampaio was elected president of Portugal. 1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI background files on past political appointees. 1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the aging process and cell death. 1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in Washington, DC. 1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 25 years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian village. 2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. 2021 Do smiled. 
 

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