Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, August 27 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Mom Left 5 Kids Alone To Help Fugitive Boyfriend Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 27 in 1789 The Declaration Of The Rights Of Man Was Adopted By The French National Assembly. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ "There is nothing so powerful as truth, and often nothing so strange." --- Daniel Webster "Many people think that by hoarding money they are gaining safety for themselves. If money is your ONLY hope for independence, you will never have it. The only real security that a person can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. Without these qualities, money is practically useless." --- Henry Ford ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Men and women compared: NICKNAMES -If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. -But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a coffee, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless. EATING OUT -When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually want change back. -When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. And they split the change to the penny MONEY -A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. -A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS -A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. -The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. (Not identifiable to most men) ARGUMENTS -A woman has the last word in any argument. -Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS -Women love cats. -Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE -A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. -A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS -A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. -A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE -A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. -A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP -A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. -A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. NATURAL -Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. -Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING -Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. -A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. MISTAKES -Any married man should forget his mistakes. -There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and yell: "Supersex! Supersex!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she again said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two looking up at her. He finally answered, "I'll take the soup." ______________________________________________________ Attaching hurricane shutters to Sandie's house when hurricane Wilma approached in 2005. Thanks to her trusty old generator, I was able to write and send the Humor Letter even though power was out for 4 days. Some of you will remember the live reports from under the hurricane. I can definitely understand and feel for the folks in Texas! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tiffany Jackson, 34, Pitcairn, Pennsylvania Mom Left 5 Kids Alone To Help Fugitive Boyfriend Police say a Pittsburgh-area woman is facing charges for leaving her five children alone so she could drive her fugitive boyfriend across the state to avoid arrest. Thirty-four-year-old Tiffany Jackson, of Pitcairn, is charged with child endangerment and with hindering the apprehension of her boyfriend, 24-year-old Raheem Harvey, among other charges. Pitcairn police say Jackson drove Harvey to Philadelphia on Wednesday because police have warrants for his arrest, while leaving her children behind. Police say they range in age from 16 years old to 9 months old. Jackson told her 16-year-old daughter to watch the other children and didn't say when she would return home. The daughter then called her aunt, who contacted Pitcairn Police. They haven't heard from their mother in over a day, Pitcairn Police Chief Scott Farally said. The 16-year-old reached out to her aunt, who was a complainant of this pertaining to them being alone and being concerned and scared. Police say they've tried but failed to find Harvey at Jackson's house several times and that they have body camera video of her being told he's wanted by police on assault and other charges. Jackson and Harvey were arrested at a Greensburg hotel early Friday afternoon. According to the hotel, Jackson and Harvey checked in last Monday. They reportedly got into a fight and hotel employees threatened to call police. After seeing a news report about a woman accused of abandoning her children, hotel employees called state police Friday morning. State police were forced to taser Harvey after a short foot chase. We were able to go and pick up Mrs. Jackson at the PSP in Greensburg, Farally said. However, Mr. Harvey is still in the custody of Pennsylvania State Police for additional charges. Jackson was arraigned on numerous counts of endangering the welfare of children, recklessly endangering another person and hindering apprehension. Harvey remains locked up in the Westmoreland County Jail, charged with hindering apprehension and resisting arrest. As for the children, police say there were no serious signs of neglect, but they say baby-sitting four kids who don't know the whereabouts of their mother is too much to ask of a 16-year-old girl. Is a 16-year-old able to baby-sit? Correct. However, when the 16-year-old reaches out for help, knowing that she's too stressed to do this and she doesn't know what to do, that's when the police got involved, Farally said. Jackson was previously convicted in 2011 of endangering the welfare of children, when she abandoned them the same way, and she spent two years under house arrest. She is now jailed on $50,000 bond with a preliminary hearing scheduled for September. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roon Re: Yahoo victim Dear Webby, I used to receive your newsletter daily for many years, but it stopped a while ago. Nothing on my end has changed as I am still using at&t for my ISP and have same user name (UID). I tried to go on and add UID, but your site said that already existed. Then I tried to delete the UID with no success, so I still cannot get your daily humor which I enjoy. Can you check on your end and see if there is a problem in UID [email protected]? Please let me know if you check and find nothing, and I will know if the trouble was on your end if I start receiving it again. I really miss the jokes. Thanks, Ron Dear Ron You are a silly Yahoo! SBCglobal.net and ATT.net are just fake fronts for people, who don't want to be called a "silly yahoo". Underneath the phony front, it`s still Yahoo. Yes, you are still subscribed to the Humor Letter. Your newsletters still go out to you every night. Yahoo censors them. Once they have entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do. You have exactly three options: 1) You can try to make a filter to guard your newsletters from their censorship, or 2) screech a temper tantrum at Yahoo support and make them stop censoring your newsletters, or 3) get yourself a respectable address on the side, for example a Gmail address, like the one I am using to get around Yahoos censorship to reply to you, and tell me what that address is. Then I will switch your subscription over to that address. Btw., Ho'mail is NOT an option.Microsoft has announced 20 years ago that they are no longer supporting Hoe'mail. It can't be fixed, and the guys who wrote it, are hiding in the French Foreign Legion. Hoe'mail will censor your newsletter just like Yahoo. The sniveling ninnies don't seem to allow colored text and pictures. Get a RESPECTABLE address! I KNOW Gmail works. Proabbly a Million Yahoos use it. Since you get onto the net with Yahoo, your choices are a bit limited, but I am sure you can find out good alternatives on the forums if you are scared of Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby Men know that women will wear low-cut dresses and expect the man not to look at their cleavage, but that they will feel snubbed if he doesn't try to look. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Lug Nuts Carry a cross shaft lug wrench in your car to use when you get a flat. It gives you greater leverage than the single shaft wrenches that come with most new cars. You can also carry a metal pipe to fit over one of the shafts for even better leverage. Use short, sharp impacts rather than applying constant pressure to loosen a stubborn nut. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com A small can of WD40 should also be with your spare tire. Spray a bit onto the lug nuts, wait a few minutes, and THEN use the wrench. A rock or an old crescent wrench to beat on the cross wrench is also helpful. Remember, to UNDO lug nuts, you have to turn them counterclockwise. If all else fails, call AAA. You can get a membership over the phone. They will have a friendly guy show up quite shortly and he will have all kinds of tools and even WD40. Keep their local number in your glove box or their silvery sticker on the inside of the trunk. If you got it on the outside, one of their patrols will stop and see if you need help if they see you on the side of the road. I highly recommend a membership in AAA! Btw., you get one free tow per year with your membership. That can easily save you $500. You can sign up online. They will mail you the silver sticker and paperwork. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "No," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?" "N-n-no," the girl stammered. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you keep following your mothers orders!" ___________________________________________________ | | Hobo nickel with teeth! 2017. |
___________________________________________________ A three-year-old in our congregation watches football games with his father and knows some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by yelling, "Touchdown!" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill Farmer for this one: An oldie for Valentine's day: Two daughters of a recently widowed mother, decided the new young, single Pastor would be a good new Daddy. To get the romance started for their shy Mom, they decided to send a Valentine to the Pastor from their Mother They created their own beutiful heart shaped valentine, and decided the verse had to have something biblical -- searching the scripture they came up with the perfect rhyme. The pastor opened his valentine to read: "If you will be my Valentine, I will be your Concubine." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 27, in 1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to his attacks on King Charles II. 1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by the French National Assembly. 1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina. 1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was about the peace demands of England and France being met by China. 1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet. 1889 Boxer Jack "Nonpareil" Dempsey was defeated for the first time of his career by George LaBlanche. 1892 The original Metropolitan Opera House in New York was seriously damaged by fire. 1894 The Wilson-Gorman Tariff Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. The provision within for a graduated income tax was later struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay Packers. (NFL) 1938 Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet, Archibald MacLeish. 1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig. They had been German until after WWI. 1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of the Japanese government at the end of World War II. 1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet. 1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first bombings from U.S. warplanes. 1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sunk in 1956 in the waters off of Massachusetts. 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first citizen to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher that was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She died in the Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. 1985 The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day mission in which three satellites were launched and another was repaired and redeployed. 1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was launched. A British communications satellite was onboard. 1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 36 Iraqi diplomats. 1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its independence. 1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants. 1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to earn more than $600 million. 1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir departed the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced to abandon Mir for financial reasons. 2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B "Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down." 2001 Work began on the future site of a World War II memorial on the U.S. capital's historic national Mall. The site is between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial. 2017 Do smiled. |
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