Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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  Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, April 10 Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires on 4/22/2018 Today I have to go to Calgary for a colonoscopy. Domorrow's newsletter might be a bit late. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Indiana shooter says he has 'no remorse' for killing deputy Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 10 in 1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights for $100. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian. --- Robert Orben It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lois for this story: I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast-forward." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Communicate! _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of buffalos." "Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Anthony Baumgardt, 21, Boon County, Indiana Shooter says he has 'no remorse' for killing deputy The 21-year-old man accused of fatally shooting Boone County Deputy Jacob Pickett spoke out as he walked into the courthouse for his initial hearing Wednesday afternoon, according to WXIN. Anthony Baumgardt, 21, faces murder, drug, and gun charges after police say he shot Pickett last week. Investigators were chasing Baumgardt and two other men after they fled the site of an unrelated attempted arrest last Friday. Prosecutor Todd Meyer says Baumgardt jumped from a fleeing car and ran around the corner of an apartment building in Lebanon with Deputy Pickett and his K9 partner Brik in pursuit. Pickett was shot once in the head. Officers returned fire, wounding Baumgardt before taking him into custody. According to court documents, Baumgardt told police, I shot a cop. When asked why he did it he answered, Cause they were going to take me to jail. While officers walked Baumgardt into the courthouse ahead of his initial hearing, he was asked if he was sorry for killing Pickett. Baumgardt said "nope," and he repeated multiple times he has "no remorse." He was also asked why he shot Pickett. He said, "I didn't want to get bit by a dog." Boone County Sheriff Mike Nielsen said, "That's deputy Pickett's dog. That's Brik. Baumgardt replied, "Well I didn't want to get bit by Brik." During the hearing, Baumgardt asked the judge, "Will they be seeking the death penalty?" He then asked, "If I plead guilty can I seek out the death penalty on my own?" After the court hearing, Nielsen said it "hurt deep inside" when Baumgardt said he had no remorse. "But we move on." Nielsen later said, I will not step down to his level. I did not cry in there because he will not get to me. But what I will tell you is I will be at every hearing and every trial, and so will his K9 partner Brik. Meyer says he's leaning toward pursuing the death penalty in the case. The suspect's father, Robert Baumgardt Jr., issued a statement after the court hearing, saying his family wants justice as much as the public. After Anthony's words today, I am speechless," he said. "Let's give respect to the hero and the officers in blue, not giving Anthony the spotlight. Please let everyone know we want justice as much as they do. Swift Justice. My prayers for the family, Brik and the brothers in blue continue. Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Wrong icon size Dear Webby, I hope you can help me one more time. After getting my computer back from the repair shop all my " Icons " and everything on the computer is double in size, how can I get things back to normal. Thank you Rose Dear Rose Let's hope and assume that the computer is not stuck in safe mode. Right-click on the desktop Screen Resolution That is a pull-down. Pull it down to the highest numberw you see. Hit OK. Most likely you will again have a decent resolution. You can fine-tune the icon size by clicking on the desktop, holding down CTRL and rolling the scroll wheel. First, though, you should set the screen resolution. Have FUN DearWebby The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit. "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?" "When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."
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Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
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"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with about a 1/2 cup white vinegar. This works well particularly in the kitchen, for several hours or overnight. The odor will disappear. By Pam Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Yikes! People are awesome! Best of the week.
___________________________________________________ "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
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 Today, April 10 in 1741 Frederick II of Prussia defeated Maria Theresa's forces at Mollwitz and conquered Silesia. 1790 The U.S. patent system was established when U.S. President George Washington signed the Patent Act of 1790 into law. 1809 Austria declared war on France and its forces entered Bavaria. 1814 Napoleon was defeated at the Battle of Toulouse by the British and the Spanish. The defeat led to his abdication and exile to Elba. 1825 The first hotel opened in Hawaii. 1849 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. He sold the rights for $100. 1854 The constitution of the Orange Free State in south Africa was proclaimed. 1862 Union forces began the bombardment of Fort Pulaski in Georgia along the Tybee River. 1866 The American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) was incorporated. 1902 South African Boers accepted British terms of surrender. 1912 The Titanic set sail from Southampton, England. 1916 The Professional Golfers Association (PGA) held its first championship tournament. 1919 In Mexico, revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata was killed by government troops. 1922 The Genoa Conference opened. The meeting was used to discuss the reconstruction of Europe after World War I. 1925 F. Scott Fitzgerald published "The Great Gatsby" for the first time. 1930 The first synthetic rubber was produced. 1932 Paul von Hindenburg was elected president of Germany with 19 million votes. Adolf Hitler came in second with 13 million votes. 1938 Germany annexed Austria. 1941 In World War II, U.S. troops occupied Greenland to prevent Nazi infiltration. 1941 Ford Motor Co. became the last major automaker to recognize the United Auto Workers as the representative for its workers. 1944 Russian troops recaptured Odessa from the Germans. 1945 German Me 262 jet fighters shot down ten U.S. bombers near Berlin. 1953 Warner Bros. released "House of Wax." It was the first 3-D movie to be released by a major Hollywood studio. 1953 Actress Hedy Lamarr became a U.S. citizen. 1959 Japan's Crown Prince Akihito married commoner Michiko Shoda. 1960 The U.S. Senate passed the Civil Rights Bill. 1961 Gary Player of South Africa became the first foreign golfer to win the Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, Georgia. 1963 129 people died when the nuclear-powered submarine USS Thresher failed to surface off Cape Cod, MA. 1967 The 13-day strike by the American Federation of Radio-TV Artists (AFTRA) came to an end less than two hours before the 39th Academy Awards presentation went on the air. 1968 U.S. President Johnson replaced General Westmoreland with General Creighton Abrams in Vietnam. 1971 The American table tennis team arrived in China. They were the first group of Americans officially allowed into China since the founding of the People Republic in 1949. The team had recieved the surprise invitation while in Japan for the 31st World Table Tennis Championship. 1972 An earthquake in southern Iran killed more than 5,000 people. 1972 The U.S. and the Soviet Union joined with 70 other nations in signing an agreement banning biological warfare. 1973 In Switzerland, 108 people died when a plane crashed while attempting to land at Basel. 1974 Yitzhak Rabin replaced resigning Israeli Prime Minister, Golda Meir. Meir resigned over differences within her Labor Party. 1980 Spain and Britain agreed to reopen the border between Gibraltar and Spain. It had been closed since 1969. 1981 Imprisoned IRA hunger striker Bobby Sands was elected to the British Parliament. 1981 The maiden launch of the space shuttle Columbia was cancelled because of a computer malfunction. 1984 The U.S. Senate condemned the CIA mining of Nicaraguan harbors. 1988 On Wall Street, 48 million shares of Navistar International stock changed hands in a single-block trade. It was the largest transaction ever executed on the New York Stock Exchange. 1990 Three European hostages kidnapped at sea in 1987 by Palestinian extremists were released in Beirut. 1992 A bomb exploded in London's financial district. The bomb, set off by the Irish Republican Army, killed three people and injured 91. 1993 South African Communist Party leader Chris Hani was assassinated. 1994 NATO warplanes launched air strikes for the first time on Serb forces that were advancing on the Bosnian Muslim town of Gordazde. The area had been declared a U.N. safe area. 1996 U.S. President Clinton vetoed a bill that would have outlawed a technique used to end pregnancies in their late stages. 1998 Negotiators reached a peace accord on governing British ruled Northern Ireland. Britain's direct rule was ended. 1999 The www.June4.org web site was launched by Chinese dissidents and human rights activists to promote their campaign for democracy in China. 2000 Monitors from the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe (OSCE) reported irregularities in the voting in Georgia's presidential election on April 9. President Eduard Shevardnadze was reelected to a new five-year term. 2001 The Netherlands legalized mercy killings and assisted suicide for patients with unbearable, terminal illness. 2002 Former Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke before the U.S. Senate as a representative of the Israeli government. He warned that suicide bombers would spread to the U.S. if Israel was not allowed to finish its military offensive in the West Bank. Netanyaho also cited the goals of dismantling the terror regime and expelling Arafat from the region, ridding the Palestinian territories of terrorist weapons and establishing "physical barriers" to protect Israelis from future Palestinian attacks. 2009 In Fiji, President Josefa Iloilo suspended the nation's Constitution, dismissed all judges and constitutional appointees and assumed all governance in the country. 2018 Do smiled. 

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