Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, January 7 Thank you, Jack!! Thank you, Claude! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Drug Dealer's Cake Claim Was Half-Baked ___________________________________________________ Today, January 7 in 1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new government in Cuba. _____________________________________________________ He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him. -- Russell Baker _____________________________________________________ Here is an old favorite, requested again and again: Ode to the spellchecker Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea It plainly marks four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew. _____________________________________________________ Great Gray Owl, in the sunshine, proudly showing off a Vole she has captured. Water Valley area, northwest of Calgary Shirley Otway ___________________________________________________ Every Monday morning for years, at about 11:30 am, the tele- phone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed-up the nerve to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jethro Geneus, 30, Port St. Lucie, Florida, USA Drug Dealer's Cake Claim Was Half-Baked After police found a scale and bags containing white and brown substances in his backpack, a Florida Man claimed that he was carrying a bag of sugar and a bag of corn starch to bake a cake, according to an arrest report. Investigators say that ex-con Jethro Geneus, 30, was a passenger in a Honda that was pulled over by Port St. Lucie cops around 3 AM on New Years Eve. Geneus, seen at right, was removed from the car after officers determined that he was the subject of an outstanding arrest warrant. A subsequent search of a backpack that was at Geneuss feet on the front floorboard revealed two large bags of a white and brown substance, cops report. Geneus, who reportedly claimed ownership of the backpack, said that the seized substances were actually ingredients for a cake to be baked. However, a field test revealed that both substances--which weighed a combined two-thirds of a pound--contained Ecstasy. In addition to a narcotics trafficking count, Geneus was charged with introducing contraband into a detention facility after he allegedly dropped a bag of meth while in custody at the county jail. Geneus is locked up in lieu of $47,500 bond. Geneuss rap sheet includes convictions for burglary, marijuana possession, providing a false name to police, resisting, and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was released from state prison in March 2020 after serving about five years for burglarizing a Fort Pierce home. Cops discovered Geneus hiding under a bed in the residence, while his accomplice was found in possession of a Dora the Explorer bag, which was apparently intended to be used to carry purloined items. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Wireless Connectivity Dear Webby, I am used to using the wireless modem in my laptop to connect to hotels where I am staying, and am fairly comfortable with the procedure. However, now and then it happens that I connect to the hotel's router, and see good signal strength, but can't get anywhere. What do you recommend in those cases? Brenda Dear Brenda Get your money back and go to a better hotel. They gambled on a 4 station router being enough, and you were #5. They rarely admit that and that type of hotel usually tries to blame it on your computer. It is NOT your computer's fault, and NOT your settings. Do not let them talk you into changing your settings, and don't let them waste your time, while they hope that somebody will log off. Just demand your money back and go to a better hotel. Without messing with your settings, you can usually get better connectivity from the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, than from the lobby of for example a Baymont Inn. When enough people smarten up and demand their money back, they will eventually get proper equipment and stop trying to blame you. Have FUN! DearWebby Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in Basic, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now." ____________________________________________ >From Irene My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint." ____________________________________________ A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today Jan 7 in 1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, was recaptured by the French. 1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was the first commercial bank in the United States. 1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard successfully made the first air-crossing of the English Channel from the English coast to France. 1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose George Washington to be the first U.S. president. 1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was quicker to send by wireless radio. 1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 1929 The debut of "Buck Rogers 2429 A.D." occurred in newspapers around the U.S. The title of the comic strip was later changed to "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century." 1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brning declared that Germany cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 1935 French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval and Italian Prime Minister Benito Mussolini signed the Italo-French agreements. 1940 "Gene Autrys Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The show aired for 16 years. 1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of the hydrogen bomb. 1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the same time. 1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new government in Cuba. 1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which began a time of world economic inflation. 1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of Chrysler Corp. 1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the safety of its visitors. 1996 Alvaro Arzu was elected president of Guatemala. 1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on the severe weather. 1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. President Clinton. 1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that an impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the move and urged greater international involvement in the energy dispute. 2021 Do smiled. |
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