Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, March 12 Today in 1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood of Hawaii. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 'Fetty Jeff' arrested after police seize fentanyl, meth, mushrooms, guns in north Phoenix drug bust ___________________________________________________ Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible ___________________________________________________ Joe took a girl out on their first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," Joe said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "No," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your knee?" "N-n-no," the girl replied. "You know," Joe said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you continue doing what your mother told you to do." ___________________________________________________ HOW FAITHS FIGHT FIRES Recently, just as an ecumenical gathering was commencing, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The building is on fire!" The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed. The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?" The Quakers quietly praised God for blessings that fire brings. The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring that fire was evil. The Roman Catholics called Rome for instructions. The Jews blamed the Christians and demanded they should pay. The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself." The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!" The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out. The Christian Scientists concluded that the toxic fumes from the burning carpets would kill them before the fire reached them. The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson, who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report. The Unity Students proclaimed the fire had no power over them. Some Atheists in attendance didn't believe there was a fire. The Muslims stated it was Ahlla's will. The Secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. PS. This is not intended as being against any of the above mentioned religions but FOR Secretaries :-) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Who is known as the "godfather of America"? German geographer and mapmaker Martin Waldseemueller, whose book "Cosmographiae Introductio" was first published on this date in 1507, named the New World "America" in the mistaken belief that it was Italian navigator and merchant Amerigo Vespucci who discovered the new continent. And the Indians are forever grateful that they were not discovered while somebody got lost on the way to Turkey ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A Doctor was explaining to a friend how nature sometimes compensates for a persons deficiencies. "For example," he told him, "If a man is deaf, he may have keener sight, and if a man is blind, he may have a keen sense of smell." "I think I see what you mean," said Paddy, "I've often noticed that if a man has one short leg, then the other one is always longer....." ____________________________________________________ A young mother was visiting a doctor friend and made no attempt to restrain her four-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there." "Nah," said the doctor calmly, "That's just poisons in there. They take some time but are quite effective. He'll be quiet soon." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeffrey Rabadi, 30, Phoenix, Arizona, USA 'Fetty Jeff' arrested after police seize fentanyl, meth, mushrooms, guns in north Phoenix drug bust Police say a suspected drug dealer was arrested after officers seized fentanyl, meth, psychedelic mushrooms, and guns in north Phoenix. According to court documents, the incident began as officers conducting a search warrant on a cellphone from an unrelated incident and found a text message from "Fetty Jeff." "It should be noted that the term Fetty is a slang term for the drug fentanyl, which is a synthetic narcotic drug," read a portion of the court documents. During their investigation, police learned the "Fetty Jeff" phone number was connected to the home address of 30-year- old Jeffrey Rabadi, who had outstanding warrants out of Phoenix, Peoria, and Coconino County. Police conducted undercover surveillance of Rabadi's home and saw him leaving in a vehicle. Rabadi was then pulled over by police at a LaQuinta Inn, located near 25th Avenue and Greenway Road. Rabadi was taken into custody and was found to have two handguns, fentanyl powder, methamphetamine, and 977 blue M30 pills inside his hotel room. Police then conducted a search warrant at Rabadi's home, located near Seventh Street and Thunderbird Road, and found three long guns, 10 handguns, ammunition, suspected meth, suspected fentanyl powder, Xanax bars, more M30 pills, dried psychedelic mushrooms, multiple packets of suboxone, and over $9,000 in cash. Additionally, police said they found scales, plastic baggies for packaging, and multiple cellphones inside Rabadi's home. Rabadi was booked into jail and is accused of multiple drug offenses. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Wendy Re: Wired mouse or wireless? Dear Webby My ancient mouse is due to be retired. I want one of the modern 5 or 7 button mice, that you have beenrecommending since the 90s. The question I have is should I get a wired or a wireless mouse? I am, unfortunately, handicapped with W10. Wendy Dear Wendy A wireless mouse is 3 - 4 times as expensive, not because of manufacturing cost, but because of demand. They can get away with charging more. They work exactly the same, though W10 does have some problems with wireless mice. Unless your desk is a chaotic mess, I would recommend that you save $75 and get the wired version. They both work the same. I use a wireless on the right machine and a wired one on the left machine. With W10 you are better off getting a Microsoft mouse, not the Logitech. W10 seems to be sabotaging the Logitech wireless mouse. On W7 it makes no difference and you can use either one. Have FUN! DearWebby On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!' The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of. The teacher suggested they try some biology questions... What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher. 'Legs!' Larry immediately replied. What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher. Pockets!' said Larry. The teacher looked at the principal, who said, Maybe he should be in third grade, I flunked those last two questions!' | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!" ______________________________________________ A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaft the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confessed, "Well, yes, but never with a carnation." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a wide grin, "For our .hic... clo-shing shong, let ush shing Hymn # 365: "We Shall Gather at the River." ___________________________________________________ | Today, March 12, in 1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted land in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first time commercially. 1789 The U.S. Post Office was established. 1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave the country. 1884 The State of Mississippi authorized the first state- supported college for women. It was called the Mississippi Industrial Institute and College. 1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone system. 1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolliwas was forced out of office by continued civil strife. 1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the conflict with El Salvador. 1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of infantile paralysis. 1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was Girl Guides. 1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side by side. 1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt presented his first presidential address to the nation. It was the first of the "Fireside Chats." 1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood of Hawaii. 1984 Lebanese President Gemayel opened the second meeting in five years calling for the end to nine-years of war. 1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in Geneva. 1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit. 1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British Commonwealth. 1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major military bases. 1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney general. 1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a head and neck attached. 1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid might collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by 600,000 miles. 1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed merger worth $15.6 billion. 2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously worked at the Smart home. 2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be renamed Willis Tower. 2022 Do smiled. |
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