Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, April 22 Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires tonight, on 4/22/2018 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Illegal immigrant blows up a house when he hits it with his FORD Explorer Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 22 in 1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first country to use poison gas. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. --- James Stephens I have seen the future and it doesn't work. --- Robert Fulford The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today.'" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Q :What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? A: One of them is organized. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arnulfo Castro, 46, Hurst, Texas Illegal immigrant blows up a house when he hits it with his FORD Explorer Police in Texas released dashcam video showing a home explosion that injured both residents and the responding officers. The blast happened April 7 after authorities say 46-year-old Arnulfo Castro lost control of his white 2000 Ford Explorer and crashed into a house, rupturing the gas line. The homeowner reported the accident, telling a 911 dispatcher that someone was trapped in a bedroom, according to a police report. Castro was busy trying to organize a lift away from there, when the cops arrived. As officers walked up to the house at 433 Myrtle Drive in Hurst, the leaking gas ignited, sparking a fiery explosion that sent pieces of the structure flying at them. The force of the blast lifted the roof off of the walls and blew out most of the back wall, with the residents a couple and their adult son still inside, police said. Officers found the wife severely injured, buried under a pile of debris. They managed to clear the rubble and get all three to area hospitals for treatment. Police say the mother and father suffered serious burn injuries, while the son wasn't as badly hurt. Officer Travis Hiser was treated for minor injuries and released from the hospital. Corporal Ryan Tooker suffered cuts and abrasions while helping extricate the victims; he was also treated and released. "There was definitely some divine intervention that was reaching down and slowing those vehicles down from making scene and then taking a finger and pushing me away from the house and the path that I went," Hiser told KXAS. "Otherwise, I would have been up on the wall and it would have exploded completely into my face." Police arrested Castro, who lives nearby, for driving without a license. Castro told investigators that he lost control of the SUV when the brakes failed, according to authorities. Castro was turned over to the custody of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement after being placed on an immigration detainer. The victims had just inherited the house, and don't have insurance on it yet. Video of house exploding as cop approaches Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Weird attachments Dear Webby, I get some emails with an attachment in the form winmail.dat and for whatever reason they don't open in my Paint shop program. I am not able to "save as" because the options aren't there. Any thoughts on what can be done other than asking for the order to be sent in a different program? Keep up the good work, love the news and the help you give folks, jh Dear Jim That is called "MicroSchlop". When some blighter uses Microsoft WEIRD to write email, and uses fancy stationery or fonts, which normal people don't use, then Microsoft WEIRD attaches that winmail.dat to send along the non- standard fonts and stuff, that the sender uses to make her mail look like Incredimail. IF you happen to read the mail with Microsoft WEIRD or similar Microsoft programs, then that program installs the wacky fonts into your machine, without asking you whether you want to pollute your machine or not. If you don't have Microsoft WEIRD, then you just see that Winmail.dat. You can use SEARCH EVERYTHING and find all the winmail.dat files, and delete them all. Have FUN DearWebby Thanks to Kati for bringing back this Classic: Never bring plants into the house. Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he was hauled to the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed 12 stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. That's when he threw the TV at her head. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A man woke up one morning to find his wife packing her bags. "Where the heck are you going?" demanded the husband. The wife replied, "You know all this free sex I've been giving you all these years? Well I just found out I can get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas." With that the husband jumped out of bed and began packing HIS bags, too. "Where do you think you're going?" demanded the wife. "I want to see how you can live on $200 a year in Las Vegas!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?, " they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Jeez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If serrated knifes just make it worse for you, like they do for me, try my trick: Put a book into a plastic bag and put it into the cake pan. Lay the cooled cake on top of that. Youmay have to use a thicker or thinner book to raise the cake just enough so that the planned cut line is level with the edge of the pan. Then take some dental floss and "saw" what is sticking above the top rim. The cake pan's top edge is a perfect guide and you will get a much smoother cut than with a knife. Just keep the floss good and tight while you saw with 4-5 inch left-right strokes towards you. Floss normally cuts much smoother than a knife, but if you need a perfectly smooth and not too absorbent top for a thin hard chocolate glaze, turn the cut layers upside down. If you greased the pan a bit, then the bottom will be better. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone. Another bird appeared in the sky there after. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?" | Our amazing and beautiful world. |
___________________________________________________ A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and knocks at the window. The young man lowers his window... -Yes, officer? What are you doing? Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine... Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says: And her, what is she doing? The young man shrugs: I believe she's knitting a baby jumper. The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night... and nothing obscene is happening! What's your age, young man? -I'm 25, sir... -And her, what's her age? The young man looks at his watch and says: -She'll be 18 in 20 minutes... ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, April 22 in 1500 Portuguese navigator Pedro Alvares Cabral discovered Brazil. 1509 Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England upon the death of his father Henry VII. 1529 Spain and Portugal divided the eastern hemisphere in the Treaty of Saragosa. 1745 The Peace of Fussen was signed, restoring the status quo of Germany. 1792 U.S. President George Washington proclaimed American neutrality in the war in Europe. 1861 Robert E. Lee was named commander of Virginia forces. 1864 The U.S. Congress passed legislation that allowed the inscription "In God We Trust" to be included on one-cent and two-cent coins. 1876 The first official National League (NL) baseball game took place. Boston beat Philadelphia 6-5. 1889 At noon, the Oklahoma land rush officially started as thousands of Americans raced for new, unclaimed land. The "Sooners" were already there. 1898 The first shot of the Spanish-American war occurred when the USS Nashville captured a Spanish merchant ship. 1915 At the Second Battle Ypres the Germans became the first country to use poison gas. 1918 British naval forces attempted to sink block-ships in the German U-boat bases at the Battle of Zeeburgge. 1930 The U.S., Britain and Japan signed the London Naval Treaty, which regulated submarine warfare and limited shipbuilding. 1931 Egypt signed the treaty of friendship with Iraq. 1931 James G. Ray landed an autogyro on the lawn of the White House. 1944 During World War II, the Allies launched a major attack against the Japanese in Hollandia, New Guinea. 1952 An atomic test conducted in Nevada was the first nuclear explosion shown on live network television. 1954 The U.S. Senate Army-McCarthy televised hearings began. 1970 The first "Earth Day" was observed by millions of Americans. 1987 The American Physical Society said that the "Star Wars" missile system was "highly questionable" and would take ten years to research. 1993 The U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum was dedicated in Washington, DC. 1997 In Lima, Peru government commandos storm and capture the residence of the Japanese ambassador ending a 126-day hostage crisis. In the rescue 71 hostages were saved. Those killed: one hostage (of a heart attack), two soldiers, and all 14 rebels. 2000 Elian Gonzalez was reunited with his father in Cuba. He had to be taken from his Miami relatives by U.S. agents in a predawn raid. 2002 Filippino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ordered a state of emergency in the city of General Santos in response to a series of bombing attacks the day before. The attacks were blamed on Muslim extremists. 2010 The Boeing X-37 began its first orbital mission. It successfully returned to Earth on December 3, 2010. 2018 Do smiled. |
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