Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, February 1 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Today's Bonehead Award:  ______________________________________________________ Today, February 1 in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. --- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898) According to Glamour magazine, 83 percent of women tell their friends secrets to their husbands. So women, if you tell your girlfriend something, 83 percent chance she will tell her husband. But the good news? One hundred percent of the men aren't listening anyway. --- Jay Leno Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and dis- appeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ An exterminating company was giving free termite inspections, and my dad phoned for an appointment. After the inspector checked out our house, he said to Dad, "You don't have any termites right now, but there's a bunch of 'em in that firewood out back. When they've eaten their way through it, I guarantee they'll head for your house." Dad was silent for a moment. Then, in his slow drawl, he replied, "Well, from the prices you quoted, I figure it would be cheaper for me just to buy the termites another cord of wood." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Stefan Ryan Shuford, Kernersville, North Carolina  Man charged with thrusting face into buttocks of women  A man faces charges after thrusting his face into the buttocks of multiple women in Kernersville, North Carolina, police reported. Stefan Ryan Shuford was arrested on multiple counts of assault on a female and sexual battery, according to a press release from Kernersville police. Police investigated three reports of a man inappropriately touching women on the 300, 900 and 1100 blocks of South Main Street area on Friday. He's accused of sneaking up behind women and thrusting his face into their buttocks and licking their buttocks. Police say all incidents happened in areas where people were shopping. Shuford was identified as the suspect and was arrested and jailed in Forsyth County under a $50,000 secured bond.  
 From: Gordon Re: W7 Update bug  Dear DearWebby, For the past couple of weeks, my computer keeps locking up and the only way to get it to start again is to power off/on. When I restart the computer, the message I get is Windows 10 Update Failed EError 8004004-40019 . I've tried Googling this error and it shows a registry entry to delete. However, that entry is not there. When I do the reboot, my computer runs fine until it seems to try this update again. Malwarebytes checks my system regularly and says everything is good. I'm running Windows 7 Professional and don t really want to switch to Windows 10. Any suggestions I can try or is my only option to upgrade to Windows 10?  Dear Gordon It's not a virus, unless you consider Microsoft Windows to be a virus. It seems to be a bug in their Update. Microsoft knows it is a bug, so that their "phone a Taliban" can tell you to downgrade to W10. However, since that bug has been around for almost 20 years, there IS a troubleshooter file online To run the troubleshooter, hit Start, search for troubleshooting, and then run the selection that search comes up with. In the Control Panel list of troubleshooters, in the System and Security section, click Fix problems with Windows Update. In the Windows Update troubleshooting window, click Advanced. There is more detailed info at How to Fix Windows Update When It Gets Stuck or Frozen Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A minister got a call from the IRS asking about a member of his church. "He stated on his income tax return that he gave $3,000 to the church last year," said the IRS representative. "Is that correct?" "Well," said the pastor, "I don't have the records here but I'll say this. If he hasn't yet, he will!" 
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 The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're just a plain lazy old fart." "Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the Latin term, so that I can tell my wife!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Trash Can Lid Bird Bath You can make a bird bath with a metal trash can lid by turning it upside down and attaching it to the top of a pedestal. A short fence post works well for the pedestal It's easier to attach the lid if you hacksaw off the handle. Decorate the lid with paint.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
The shirk report for the weekend. 
 ___________________________________________________ One day at the veterinarian's office where I take my cat, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring. After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker's defense. "Sir...Do you know what happens to aggressive males in this office???" ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Jill was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of her insurance policy with the man at the insurance agency. During the discussion, she asked, "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today and tomorrow he dies. What will I get?" The agent eyed her suspiciously and replied, "Probably a life sentence." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they'll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been there all day. The police still have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing. True story; told by the driver at his first AA meeting! ___________________________________________________  
 Today February 1 in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S. governemnt a few months laster and renamed "United States City Despatch Post." 1861 Texas voted to secede from the Union. 1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 1884 The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was published. 1893 Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first motion picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 1896 Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 1920 The first armored car was introduced. 1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned in 1873. 1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 68 years and 243 days of service. 1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400 pound 'clean and jerk' as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 1946 Norwegian statesman Trygve Lie was chosen to be the first secretary-general of the United Nations. 1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and Syria. It was broken 1961. 1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph. 1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce. 1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. 1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in Reno, NV. 1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton. 2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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