| Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 17 ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 17 in 1630, Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface. ____________________________________________________ BonehKidnapped woman found in U-Haul during traffic stop _____________________________________________________ Q If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. --- Bill Vaughan Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) -------------- Yeah, me too. ___________________________________________________ A man finds his seat in the theater, but it's too far from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him to the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter and then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it." ______________________________________________________ A couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him." ______________________________________________________ Buck in Canola Barb O'Brien Dauncey Hands up buck! Found 3 bucks in a canola field south of Calgary yesterday but this guy was the most curious of me. I thought his antlers looked a little different when I was taking my pics, but once I downloaded them,I think they look like someones hands in the air..... too funny. South of Calgary __________________________________________________ "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." --Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, 1982. __________________________________________________ "I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I'm like, 'I'm in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you!' And they're like, 'Ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'm outta here.'" --Penny Wiggins ___________________________________________________ Dear Webbys Tech Support Pits From: Rosie RE: Windoze hot-Keys Dear Webby, I know you have occasionally shown us SOME of the Windoze hot keys. Whereare the rest of them? Rosie Dear Rosie They are right here: Exam is next Wednesday. Windows keyboard shortcuts Alt+Tab Switch between open applications in all versions of Windows. Reverse the direction by pressing Alt+Shift+Tab at the same time. Ctrl+Tab Switches between program groups, tabs, or document windows in applications that support this feature. Reverse the direction by pressing Ctrl+Shift+Tab at the same time. Alt+double-click In Windows 95 or later, display the properties of the object you double-click. For example, doing this on a file would display its properties. Alt+Print Screen Create a screenshot only for the active program window in all versions of Windows. For example, if you opened the calculator and pressed these shortcut keys, only the calculator window would be created as a screenshot. If the Print Screen key is pressed alone, the whole screen will be made into a screenshot. Ctrl+Alt+Del Open the Windows option screen for locking computer, switching user, Task Manager, etc. in later versions of Windows. Pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del multiple times reboots the computer. Ctrl+Shift+Esc Immediately bring up the Windows Task Manager in Windows 2000 and later. Ctrl+Esc Open the Windows Start menu in most versions of Windows. In Windows 8, this opens the Start screen and in Windows 3.x, this opens the Task Manager. Alt+Esc Switch between open applications on Taskbar in Windows 95 and later. Alt+Spacebar Drops down the window control menu for the currently open Windows program in Windows 95 and later. NOTE: If you use LAUNCHY, then ALT + Spacebar brings up Launchy, ready to launch any of your programs, or to act as a calculator with a progress ribbon, that shows you what numbers you have typo-ed before. Personally, I much prefer Launchy. Alt+Enter Opens properties window of selected icon or program in Windows 95 and later. Shift+Del Permanently delete any file or another object without throwing it into the Recycle Bin in Windows 95 and later. Hold down the Shift key When putting in an audio or data CD that uses Autoplay, holding down the Shift key prevents that CD from playing. Windows function key shortcuts Below is a listing of keyboard shortcuts that use the keyboard function keys. See our what are F1 through F12 keys page for a full listing of what function keys do with all other programs. What are the F1 through F12 keys? F1 Activates help for current open application. If you're at the Windows desktop, this activates the help for Windows. F2 Renames a highlighted icon, file, or folder in all versions of Windows. F3 Starts find or search when at the Windows desktop in all versions of Windows. F4 In Windows 95 and later, F4 opens the drive selection or address bar when browsing files in Windows Explorer. Alt+F4 closes the current open program window without a prompt in all versions of Windows. Pressing Ctrl+F4 closes the open window in the current active window in Microsoft Windows. Only works in programs that support multiple windows or tabs in the same program window. F6 While in Windows Explorer, F6 moves the cursor to different Windows Explorer pane or in Windows 7 browse available drives. F8 Pressing F8 over and over as the computer is booting starts the computer in Safe Mode. F10 Activates the file menu bar in SOME versions of Windows. Simulates a right-click on selected item, which is useful if right-click is difficult or impossible using the mouse. Windows keyboard key shortcuts Below is a listing of Windows keys that can be used on computers running Microsoft Windows 95 or later and using a keyboard with a Windows key. In the below list of shortcuts, the Windows key is represented by "WINKEY." Because not all these shortcuts work in every version of Windows, we've mentioned which versions of Windows support each shortcut key combination. All versions of Windows. Windows XP. Windows 7 and 8. Windows 8. Windows 10. All versions of Windows WINKEY Pressing the Windows key alone opens or hides the Windows Start menu. In Windows 8, this opens or hides the Start screen. WINKEY+F1 Open the Microsoft Windows help and support center. WINKEY+Pause / Break key Open the System Properties window. WINKEY+D Display and hide the Windows desktop. WINKEY+E Open Microsoft Windows Explorer. WINKEY+F Display the Windows Search or Find feature. WINKEY+Ctrl+F Display the search for computers window. WINKEY+L Lock the computer and switch users if needed (Windows XP and above only). WINKEY+M Minimizes all windows. WINKEY+Shift+M Undo the minimize done by WINKEY+M and WINKEY+D. WINKEY+R Open the run window. WINKEY+U Open Utility Manager or the Ease of Access Center. Windows XP WINKEY+Tab Cycle through open programs on the Taskbar. Windows 7 and 8 WINKEY+1-0 Pressing the Windows key and any top row number key from 1 to 0 opens the program corresponding to the number of the program icon on the Taskbar. For example, if the first icon on the Taskbar is Internet Explorer, pressing WINKEY+1 would open that program or switch to it if already open. WINKEY+(Plus (+) or Minus (-)) Open Windows Magnifier and zoom in with the plus symbol (+) and zoom out with the minus symbol (-). WINKEY+ESC close the Magnifier. WINKEY+Home Minimize all windows except the active window. WINKEY+P Change between the monitor and projection display types or how second screen displays computer screen. WINKEY+T Set the focus on the Taskbar icons. WINKEY+Left arrow Shrinks the window to 1/2 screen on the left side for side by side viewing. WINKEY+Right arrow Shrinks the window to 1/2 screen on the right side for side by side viewing. WINKEY+Up arrow When in the side by side viewing mode, this shortcut takes the screen back to full size. WINKEY+Down arrow Minimizes the screen. Also, when in the side by side viewing mode, this shortcut takes the screen back to a minimized size. Windows 8 WINKEY+, Peek at the Windows desktop. WINKEY+. Snap a Windows App to the sides of the screen. Pressing it multiple times will switch between the right and left side of the screen or unsnap the app. WINKEY+Enter Open Windows Narrator. WINKEY+C Open the Charms. WINKEY+G Cycle through desktop gadgets. WINKEY+H Open Share in Charms. WINKEY+I Open the Settings in Charms. WINKEY+J Switch between snapped apps. WINKEY+K Open Devices in Charms. WINKEY+O Lock the screen orientation. WINKEY+X Open the Power User Menu, which gives you access to many of the features most power users would want to use such as Device Manager, Control Panel, Event Viewer, Command Prompt, and much more. Windows 10 WINKEY+, Peek at the Windows desktop. WINKEY+A Open the Windows 10 Action Center. WINKEY+G Open the Game bar. Only works if a game is running. WINKEY+I Open the Windows 10 Settings window. WINKEY+S Open the Windows Search utility. WINKEY+X Open the Power User Menu, which gives you access to many of the features most power users would want to use such as Device Manager, Control Panel, Event Viewer, Command Prompt, and much more. You can highlight this section, hit CTRL C to copy it, jump to NoteTab or WordPad, CTRL V to paste it, then delete out the keys, that you will never need, and just memorize the rest for the exaam next Wednesday. By the way, WINKEY does not mean winking at me. That is the key with the Windows flag on it between CTRL and ALT. However, you definitely CAN wink at me every time you use the WINKEY key. It is quite OK to print this list and nail it to the wall. You will NOT be the first subscriber, who has done that. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!" ______________________________________________________ >From Bill Dear God, Yesterday was an awful day for me... My wife ran off with her cousin-in-law. My son pierced his eyebrow, My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head, My dog mated with the neighbour's cat, My neighbour sold his house to a mental institution, My Mom told me I was adopted, My boss told me I was laid off, My sister was arrested for prostitution, My house has termites, My car was stolen, All that came in the mail was bills, A plane crash landed on my garage, OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner, And my TV blew up. Lord, please be with me today. I was able to live through all that misery yesterday. And I will be able to make it through anything today!! But please... DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY COMPUTER!!!! _____________________________________________________ It was the morning after the consummation of the marriage of two senior citizens. The new bride awoke purring. Hearing her husband running water in the bathroom, she said, "Did you just brush your teeth?" The husband answered, "Yes, dear. And while I was at it, I brushed yours too." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dennis Bell, Upper Marlboro jail, 62, Maryland, USA Kidnapped woman found in U-Haul during traffic stop A Maryland man was charged with kidnapping a woman Friday morning, assaulting her, and leading police on a dangerous chase before crashing the car he was driving. 62-year-old Dennis Bell of Prince George's County is being held in an Upper Marlboro jail charged with 33 counts, according to Maryland State Police At last check, the woman is recovering in an area hospital. Reports are that when police found her, she was naked and reported having her fingers cut with a pocket knife. At some point Friday morning, Maryland State Police say Dennis Bell kidnapped the woman, whose name is not being released, on Minnesota Avenue in Southeast D.C. At some point Friday morning, Maryland State Police say Dennis Bell kidnapped the woman, whose name is not being released, on Minnesota Avenue in Southeast D.C. The woman told police she was forced to comply with his demands and was naked on the floor of the U-Haul he was driving all day. "The victim told police she had no idea why he had demanded that she get into the vehicle and he drove around literally all day, made a few stops, but kept her against her will inside that vehicle," said Elena Russo, spokesperson for Maryland State Police. Around 9:45 p.m. Friday, other drivers in the Lanham area saw a U-Haul driving erratically and hitting other cars fully unaware there was a woman inside the car. Police tried to stop the U-Haul, until eventually it crashed in a ditch in a Lanham neighborhood. State Police didnt know there was a woman allegedly being held against her will inside the vehicle, making that discovery on Baltimore Lane and Elm Street in Lanham. "I heard the tires and once I got up, I heard the police cars," said Avery Duckett-Best, a third-grader who lives in a home near the intersection. "He was yelling that he was hurt, that hed just had surgery or something. Take it easy, take it easy, they had him in handcuffs," said Duckett-Bests grandmother, Debbie Duckett. "I am happy that it did end here and that the young lady is safe. Shes been through a lot, but it could have been a lot worse. Im glad it wasnt." Maryland State Police were grateful people called 9-1-1 after seeing the U-Haul driving erratically. Duckett said she knew Bell, who she says lives in the neighborhood, and was shocked about the allegations. Dennis Bell faces 33 counts, including traffic violations and sex assault, kidnapping, false imprisonment, and possession of whats believed to be crack cocaine, according to police. FOX 5 briefly spoke with someone listed as a relative of Bell, but they hung up once we identified ourselves and didnt return a call or text back. According to court records, Bell has faced a handful of misdemeanor theft charges in the last few years in Maryland, but nothing of the nature of these charges against him. ______________________________________________ A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee." ________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ https://youtu.be/v41r6eL4U24 __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ____________________________________________________ Today, May 17 in 1540, Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor Humayun at Kanauj. 1630, Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface. 1681, Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France. 1756, Britain declared war on France, beginning the French and Indian War. 1792, The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall Street by 24 brokers. 1814, Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 1875, The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY. 1877, The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was installed by Edwin T. Holmes. 1926, The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and Vanzetti. 1932, The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico." 1939, The first fashion to be shown on television was broadcast in New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel. 1940, Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the invasion of France. 1946, U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and trainmen. 1948, The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel. 1954, The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. The ruling declared that racially segregated schools were inherently unequal. 1956, The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for sale in Caldwell Township, NJ. 1973, The U.S. Senate Watergate Committee began its hearings. 1975, NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the Wind." The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000. 1980, Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting. 1985, Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" on CBS-TV. He returned the following season. 1987, An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and the United States called the attack a mistake. 1996, U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was raped and killed in 1994. 1997, Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire. 1999, Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6 months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the conversation. 2000, Thomas E. Blanton Jr. and David Luker surrendered to police in Birmingham, AL. The two former Ku Klux Klan members were arrested on charges from the bombing of a church in 1963 that killed four young black girls. 2000, Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era forced labor. 2000, It was announced that Terra Networks SA and Lycos would be merging with the new name to be Terra Lycos. Terra made the deal happen with the purchase of $12.5 billion in stock. 2001, The U.S. Postal Service issued a stamp based on Charles M. Schulz's "Peanuts" comic strip. 2002, Legoland Deutschland opened in Gnzburg, Germany. 2006, The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk under a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning them into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made reef at the time of the sinking. 2007, Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea for the first time since 1953. 2016, The U.S. Senate approved legislation that would allow families of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks to sue the government of Saudi Arabia. 2023, Do smiled.
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