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Todays Bonehead Award: Uber driver bitten and attacked by knife-wielding passenger in St. Petersburg Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 15, in 2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. Sears left after Arabs theatened to destroy it like the World Trade center because they claim Sears to be owned by Jews. More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | | |
______________________________________________________ We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. --- Colette (1873 - 1954) A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately for them, they don't have a J.O.B. --- "Fats" Domino ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". God himself obviously favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua also rode a Triumph but seems to have had a bad muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord". | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | | |
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Nobody under there now!" ______________________________________________________ Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it's leg and started to do his thing. The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself. One guy says to the other, "Wow, how did you teach him that?" The second man replies, "I didn't teach him. He's done it ever since a fence, that he was trying to dig under, fell on him when he tried to mark it as HIS !" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Sweden: ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maya Madry, 22, St Petersburg, Florida Uber driver bitten and attacked by knife-wielding passenger in St. Petersburg While picking up a passenger, an Uber driver was bitten and his car was damaged - all without leaving the pick-up location. Maya Madry was arrested this week by the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office for a June incident involving an Uber driver. Apparently they waited for rabies reports. The driver was dispatched to her St. Petersburg home on June 24 at 10:42 a.m. Madry and the driver ended up in a "verbal dispute," according to an arrest affidavit. The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office says the Uber driver was called to the residence to pick up Madry. When he got there, Madry was not ready to go, so he left. Shortly after she called him and asked him to come back, he did. He told her to not request an Uber unless she is ready. That's when she got angry with him and there was an argument. The driver asked Madry to leave his vehicle, but before she stepped out, she grabbed, scratched, and bit his arm. She exited the vehicle and hit the driver's window with a 10-inch long kitchen knife and stabbed a tire. She flattened that tire and attempted to flatten the other three but was unsuccessful. The victim's injuries were treated. Madry left the scene after the incident. Police arrested her on Sunday, July 10. She was charged with aggravated assault, simple battery and criminal mischief. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen RE: Windows Explorer list Dear Webby, can you tell me how to stop lists in Windows Explorer from coming up with large icons? Every time I go to Explorer I have to tell it to view the directory in a "List". Would LOVE to put a stop to that! Thanks for you help again! Helen Dear Helen here is what I do: First I customize a view to my liking, (I set it to show details) then I click on TOOLS FolderOptions Classic in it's own window Double-click VIEW check and uncheck things to my liking check Remember each folder's view settings Thenclick on the big button that says: APPLY TO ALL FOLDERS then hit OK. Close Explorer, and open it again. However, some bug in Windows still makes it occasionally forget that and you have to set it like that again. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A young man was serving for the first time as usher at a large and fashionable church and his self-consciousness amounted to a bad case of stage fright. As a result of his nervousness some mistakes were made. Among others, a wealthy old lady marched down the aisle unaccompanied and seated herself inadvertently one row in front of her usual position. The perspiring young usher tiptoed up to her and whispered hoarsely, "Mardon me, padam, you are occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to another sheet?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Aloe Vera Juice Hey, I just got this from another website. Thought you'd like it! Cut off 8-10cm from a leaf, then slice the cutting lengthwise. Scoop out the gel found in the centre, taking great care not to pick up any of the yellowish layer next to the outer skin which is bitter and has powerful laxative effects. Whisk one to 2 teaspoons of the fresh gel into 1 cup of fresh cold water or vegetable juice and take daily or several times a week for intestinal health. ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will probably be held against you, you don't have the right to have an attorney present, But you may now kiss the bride. ___________________________________________________ | evil April Fools Day pranks |
____________________________________________________ An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." ____________________________________________________ 1st man: "I woke up this morning and felt so bad that I tried to kill myself by taking a thousand aspirin." 2nd man: "Oh really, what happened?" 1st man: "After the first two, I felt better." ____________________________________________________ | | Come travel to some beautiful islands with me. |
| Today on July 16 1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony Point, NY. 1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. 1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida Keys. 1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install parking meters. 1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward Germany. 1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, NM. 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched the Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first published. 1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 1973 Alexander P. Butterfield informed the Senate committee investigating the Watergate affair of the existence of recorded tapes. 1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. Sears left after Arabs theatened to destroy it like the World Trade center because they claim Sears to be owned by Jews. 2016 Do smiled. |
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