Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, March 3 Yahoo is still moving dead subscribers to the Democrat voters list. 50 of them today. Yeah, I know, there were only a couple of Million dead people added last time, but they are not going to live that down just yet. Actually, all those dead bounces are probably mostly people, who have graduated from Yahoo and gone on to other Internet providers. ___________________________________________________ Today, March 3 in 1945 At the end of World War II, Finland switched sides and declared war on the Axis. They had asked Germany 6 years earlier to help them against the Russian invasion. ______________________________________________________ Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Hungover British students spark Heathrow coronavirus panic and are whisked into quarantine after asking for paracetamol to try to get 1st Class upgrade on flight home __________________________________________ The owner of a small pizza parlor was being questioned by an IRS agent about his return on which he reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" he said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?" "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife." "Oh, that," the owner said. "We deliver." __________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: __________________________________________ Consider the proud mother trying to get a graduation-day picture of her son in cap and gown with his father. "I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." "If you want it to look natural," the father said, "why not have him put his hand in my pocket?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Mark An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by Hungover British students spark Heathrow coronavirus panic and are whisked into quarantine after asking for paracetamol to try to get upgrade to 1st Class on flight home Julia Walentin, 26, South London, England Two hungover students who tried to get a flight upgrade by asking for paracetamol ended up in quarantine after they sparked coronavirus panic. "You'd think they would upgrade those of us, who are infected, to first class, but they just made us put on masks and lie down." Julia Walentin, 26, who lives in South London, and her pal Dina enjoyed a lot of drinks during their layover in Singapore after visiting Cambodia together. The next day the women told the flight crew Julia had a headache and wanted to lie down - but instead she was given a face mask and met by doctors at Heathrow. After being escorted off the plane by officials in hazmat suits Julia and Dina were taken to a nearby building and put into isolation, reports The Sun.J Julia, who is originally from Sweden, explained that they had to be at the airport for 6am and were feeling worse for wear after getting hardly any sleep. She said: 'I tried to explain that I was just tired and hungover but they moved everyone on my row away and made me lie down. 'They also asked me to put a mask on and started taking my temperature but the readings were really up and down.' Dina, who was feeling less hungover during the journey home, was asked about their travels. Julia said that others on the plane were also asked to fill out forms saying their address, where they have visited and if they had any symptoms. She said: 'I was so embarrassed. People were putting on double masks around me because they thought I had coronavirus.' After touching down at Heathrow following the 14-hour flight Julia (left) and Dina were met by doctors and firefighters in protective clothing. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Becky Re: Why not W10? Dear Webby, With all this frantic and hysterical blather about Windows 7 being no longer supported, why do you recommend hanging on to it as long as we can? Becky Dear Becky Your machine will not handle W10 very well. W10 needs twice as much RAM as your machine has. They know, you will most definitely get fed up with a slow and sluggish machine and make an W10 salesman and a herd of Chinese factory workers happy. Yes, sure, Microsoft probably owns alot of shares in DELL and HP, and is doing a lot of the scaring, but consider this: have you EVER gotten any usable support from Microsoft? Me neither. I know you got a wireless 5 button Logitech mouse, that has worked fine for years. It won't on W10. W10 will claim it is a Microsoft 2 button mouse, and you will have to buy a new mouse too. Or networking to your other W7 machines. Forget it. Copy stuff onto a camera chip and run it over to the W10 machine. They want you to switch ALL of your machines to W10. There MAY be a few people, who CAN network W7 to W10 machines, but they seem to be too busy to answer email. If you buy a brand new computer with at least 8 GB of RAM, W10 will work, once you get used to the insane way everything is organized. Some say, in a year or two you might even get to like it. Until then, there is a lot of cussing and swearing. Why? Nobody knows. Bad dope, probably. So, hang on to your W7 machine as long as you can. Have FUN! DearWebby
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_____________________________________________ It's hard to resist logical argument. Take, for example, the persuasiveness of Corporal Jones, who was assigned to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Corporal Jones was having a staggeringly high success rate. He was selling insurance to nearly all of the recruits he advised. Curious, the captain stood in the back of the room one day and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000." "Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?" _____________________________________________ Consider the fellow who sits down for a true-false exam, puzzles over it for a few minutes, then pulls a coin out of his pocket. He flips it, marks the exam, flips it again, makes another mark and continues flipping until he answers all the questions. The student finishes in about 30 minutes while the rest of the class is still sweating it out. The instructor watches him go through the exercise, thinking the law of averages would dictate that the student should get half the answers correct. Then he is surprised to see the fellow start to flip the coin again, this time furiously. "What's going on?" the teacher asks. "I wasn't all that sure of all my answers," the student says, "so I thought I ought to recheck them." ____________________________________________ A woman calls up a pet store and says, "Send me 30,000 cockroaches at once." The astonished clerk asks: "What in the world do you want with 30,000 cockroaches?" "Well," the woman says, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 3 in 1791 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution that created the U.S. Mint. 1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New Orleans was opened. 1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S. Presidents veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved this. 1845 An Act of Congress established uniform postal rates throughout the nation. The act went into effect on July 1, 1845. 1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. It allowed the minting of gold coins. 1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 1863 Free city delivery of mail was authorized by the U.S. Postal Service. 1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T) was incorporated in New York as a subsidiary of the American Bell Telephone Company. 1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 1904 Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S. 1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business to administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity". He also appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the Rockefeller Foundation. 1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I. 1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's autocratic rule. 1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 1945 At the end of World War II, Finland switched sides and declared war on the Axis. They had asked Germany 5 years earlier to help them against the Russian invasion. 1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 1956 Morocco gained its independence. 1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he killed Robert Kennedy. 1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecrafte was launched. 1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its Pig Award to Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200 crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers. The scene was captured on amateur video. The media frenzy about that caused riots, during which 5 people were killed. 1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the Chiapas rebels. 1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers. 1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a Nile canal. 2019 An unmanned demonstration flight of the SpaceX Dragon spacecraft successfully docked with the Internation Space Station. 2020 Do smiled. |
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