Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, June 8 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Peter Packing Prowler ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 8, in 1869, Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum cleaner. ___________________________________________________ Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. --- Richard M. Nixon (1913 - 1994) The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) __________________________________________________ The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man. After careful consideration and endless debate, The Perfect Man has been named. MR. POTATO HEAD Hes tan. Hes cute. He knows the importance of accessorizing. And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face. ___________________________________________________ Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard." ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Grey, 29, St. Petersburg, Florida, USA Peter Packing Prowler A trespassing suspect with his pants opened and genitals exposed explained to Florida police that he was doing a chant and was cleansing himself spiritually when he was discovered at 2:15 AM on the premises of a closed Mexican restaurant, according to a court filing. Cops say that Kenneth Grey, 29, tripped a silent alarm after jumping a fence early Monday at the Red Mesa Cantina in St. Petersburg. When officers arrived at the restaurant, Grey was seated inside a fenced area near the outdoor bar with his pants opened and genitals exposed. Grey, seen at right, was detained and subsequently charged with loitering and prowling, a misdemeanor. After being read his rights, Grey reportedly acknowledged trespassing and told police he was doing a chant and was cleansing himself spiritually. Grey is locked up in lieu of $250 bond and has been ordered to stay away from the restaurant. His rap sheet includes prior convictions for trespassing, obstructing police, and possession of an open container of alcohol. ___________________________________________________ Girlfriend: Two of the best things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. Boyfriend: Oh? And which is this? ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may do the dishes and take out the garbage." ____________________________________________________ Tanya Wierenga Cedar Waxwing in the rain ___________________________________________________ Bob's sister is a waitress at a hotel. One morning a customer was sitting at the table in the dining area, and said to my sister: "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream." She went to get the coffee, but after 2 minutes came back to ask, "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?" ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Little Johnny said, "Hey, mom, can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," his mom said. Little Johnny said, "If you do, I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up. She grabbed her purse, handed him a twenty and said, "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Marie, please go into the garden for a bit. One look at your make-up should scare that neighbor's dog enough to shut him up long enough so that I can have a nap in peace and quiet'." ____________________________________________________ A Scotsman went to the zoo for the first time. At one cage, he stopped and asked the keeper, "Now, what animal would that be?" The zoo keeper said, "That's a moose from Canada." "A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman, "Hoots man! They must ha' rrrats like elaphants o'er there!" ____________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Marsha Re: Why do Blondes disappear? Dear Webby There are lots of memes on FB about 88% of Blondes disappearing in 2 weeks. I am a real Blonde, I guess that is why I can't figure that out. What is behind that? Marsha Dear Marsha I guess they figure that 88% of them need to go to a salon to become blonde, and with the quarantine, they can't do that, and so they will become grey. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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______________________________________________________ Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! Today's Bonehead Award: Drug suspect committed murder 1 day after being released from jail in coronavirus purge __________________________________________ Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one? __________________________________________ A young woman was wearing a miniskirt was feeling particularly uncomfortable with her situation. As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay ... today they only paid us hard cash!" "I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?" ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Buzzy Re: Can't log on Dear Webby CALLER: "I cannot log onto your Internet." BUZZY: "What error message are you getting?" CALLER: "I am not getting an error message. It just says 'Error, incorrect username or password'." BUZZY: "That IS an error message!" CALLER: "Then what does it mean?" BUZZY: "Can you read me that Error message again?" CALLER: "Incorrect user name or password." BUZZY: "Try using the password that your wife wrote on the mouse pad for you" CALLER: "Why didn't you tell me that right away instead of wasting all my time?"-- Buzzy's company, 123clickit.com, used to be my client. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through a Domino's pizza menu. ______________________________________________ A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered. "What party does your husband belong to?" he asked. The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Who said men don't communicate well? Husband's note to his wife: "Gynecologist's office called, said Pabst Beer is normal." Who said men don't communicate well? ___________________________________________________ | Today, June 8, in 0452, Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. 0793, The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of England. 1786, In New York City, commercially manufactured ice cream was advertised for the first time. 1790, The first loan for the U.S. was repaid. The Temporary Loan of 1789 was negotiated and secured on September 18, 1789 by Alexander Hamilton. 1861, Tennessee voted to secede from the Union and joined the Confederacy. 1866, Prussia annexed the region of Holstein. 1869, Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the suction vacuum cleaner. 1872, The penny postcard was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 1904, U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect U.S. citizens. 1915, U.S. Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan resigned in a disagreement over U.S. handling of the sinking of the Lusitania. 1934, The Cincinnati Reds became the first Major League team to use an airplane to travel from one city to another. They flew from Cincinnati to Chicago. 1947, "Lassie Show" debuted on ABC radio. It was a 15- minute show. 1953, The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated restaurants in Washington, DC. 1965, U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to begin fighting offensively. 1967, Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and its Arab neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed. Israel later called the incident a tragic mistake due to the mis- identification of the ship. The U.S. has never publicly investigated the incident. 2022 Do smiled. |
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