Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 15 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 14, in 2006, The Democrat censoring service Twitter was launched. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Ohio rapist turned himself in __________________________________________________ I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) _________________________________________________ Did you hear that the Mormon Church has acquired Starbuck's? Now they're going to change their name to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latte-Day Saints. __________________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent, having had an exceedingly profitable year, seeing the dejected couple looking in the window, was inspired to a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I bet that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer!" He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and to book a room in a five star hotel. They, as expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" the travel agent asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me." "What would that be?" asked the travel agent. "Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?" __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gerson Fuentes, 27, COLUMBUS, Ohio, USA Ohio rapist turned himself in. A man was arraigned Wednesday in Ohio on charges of raping a 10-year-old girl whose case drew national attention following a doctor's comments that the child had to travel to Indiana for an abortion because of new restrictions in her home state after the U.S. Supreme Court's recent landmark ruling. The suspect's arraignment came days after some conservatives, including Ohio's Republican governor and attorney general, had raised questions about whether the case was real. Democratic President Joe Biden had highlighted the case last week at the signing of an executive order aimed at protecting access to abortion. Fuentes confessed to raping the girl at least twice. A detective testified Wednesday that Columbus police learned about the girl's pregnancy through a referral by Franklin County Children Services that was made by her mother on June 22, and that she had an abortion in Indianapolis on June 30, The Columbus Dispatch reported. Bond is set at $2 million despite pleas from prosecutors to deny it. Fuentes appeared via video conferencing, where a translator relayed the court proceedings to him. Fuentes does not have any ID and appears to be an UDV (Undocumented Democrat Voter) or illegal immigrant and will likely get free room and board in prison for a long time. __________________________________________________ A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose." And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes," said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then," says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out." ______________________________________________________ A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin on the cruise ship, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!" ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Amanda RE: Why CTRL V to paste? Dear Webby Most of those keyboard shortcuts seem to make sense, but why is it CTRL V to paste? Amanda Dear Amanda In the old days, before the mouse, we had CTRL C to copy, and SHIFT INSERT to paste. So, somebody decided to pick on the letter beside the C, which is the V and make CTRL V the button for pasting. That has worked fine ever since. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________ There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The steward was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin." _____________________________________________ A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ____________________________________________ A man in a trench coat walked into a supermarket. After walking around for several minutes he grabbed a large can of beans and moved on to the cashier. He placed the can down on the counter, opened his trench coat and slapped his penis down next to the beans. The shocked cashier picked up the can and proceeded to slam it repeatedly down on the flasher's private parts. He screamed and passed out from the pain. The police were called and in the memo section of the incident report the responding officer wrote, "He should have purchased a loaf of bread." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ____________________________________________________ Cemal Bardaki ___________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." _____________________________________________________ A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!" ___________________________________________________ A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him there was no need for him to miss the fun. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new "action". She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his notorious behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what he had done. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one helluva time!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ >From Maxine They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 15, in 1099, Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders. 1410, Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights at Tannenburg, Prussia. 1789, The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live without the authority of the government. 1806, Lieutenant Zebulon Pike began his western expedition from Fort Belle Fountaine, near St. Louis, MO. 1813, Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the Allies in Prague to discuss peace terms. 1834, Lord Napier of England arrived in Macao, China as the first chief superintendent of trade. 1870, Georgia became the last of the Confederate states to be readmitted to the Union. 1885, In New York, the Niagara Reservation State Park opened. 1888, "Printers Ink" was first sold. 1895, Ex-prime minister of Bulgaria, Stephen Stambulov, was murdered by Macedonian rebels. 1901, Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike. 1904, The first Buddhist temple in the U.S. was established in Los Angeles, CA. 1916, In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was incorporated by William Boeing. The company was later renamed Boeing Co. 1918, The Second Battle of the Marne began during World War I. 1922, The duck-billed platypus arrived in America, direct from Australia. It was exhibited at the Bronx Zoo in New York City. 1942, The first supply flight from India to China over the 'Hump' was carried to help China's war effort. 1958, Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon, to protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew October 25, 1958. 1965, The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close- up pictures of the planet Mars. 1968, Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet, landed at Kennedy International Airport in New York. 1971, U.S. President Nixon announced he would visit the People's Republic of China to seek a "normalization of relations." 1972, NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft became the first to enter the asteroid belt. 1987, Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law. 2006, The Democrat censoring service Twitter was launched. 2009, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released in theaters in the U.S. It was the sixth movie in the series. 2011, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" was released in theaters in the U.S. and U.K. It was the final film in the Harry Potter series. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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