Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 14 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Driver's license of dopey woman in Nocatee road-rage incident suspended four times Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 14 in 2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after being closed 54 years earlier because Cuba had stolen (nationalized) all US built and owned refineries and plantations and canneries. Secretary of State Hillary said that was ok, since they are Communists. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marvelled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied, "So, who listens?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   The red-bearded bee-eater lives in the Indo-Malayan region of Southeast Asia in dense forest habitats. _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Martha for this one: St Peter met a taxi driver and a minister at the Pearly Gate. St Peter said to the taxi driver, "Tell me what you did on earth and who you are so I can check my list". The taxi driver told him. St Peter returned with a silk robe and a gold staff and said, "Enter in." St Peter asked the next man who he was. "I was a minister for 42 years." "Fine" said St Peter, "let me go check my list." He returned with a cotton robe and a wooden stick. "Not fair" howled the minister, "that taxi driver got a silk robe and a gold staff. How come I only get a cotton robe and a wooden stick?" St Peter replied, "For 42 years, when you preached, the people slept. When that guy drove, the people prayed." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Lauren Davis, 22, Jacksonville, Florida  Driver's license of dopey woman in Nocatee road-rage incident suspended four times  A St. Johns County arrest report says that a road-rage incident led to the arrest of a Jacksonville woman on felony drug charges stemming from a Nocatee road-rage incident. Deputies said that Lauren Davis, 22, was driving with a license that had been suspended four times by the state. According to a report, Davis was driving on Nocatee Parkway when she slammed the brakes on her 2008 Honda Element in an act of road rage. A deputy witnessed the incident, the report said. When Davis was pulled over, she immediately admitted that she had road rage because she had been cut off by another car, the report said. The deputy who pulled her over smelled marijuana and asked Davis if she had any in her car, the report said. Davis then held up a plastic bag from her center console. Davis told deputies the bag held one ounce of marijuana, the report said. The report added that Davis' drivers license has been suspended four times since July 19, 2017. She drives anyway. 
  From Edna Re: Why Downward tripod?  Dear Webby, Why would I ever need a tripod for shootiing straight down? Edna   Dear Edna If you make custom jewelry, or collect butterflies or bugs or marbles or anything small, and need the same angle and background for catalog type pages, then you can't really scan them and have to take pictures. A twisted bar works very well for that. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you." He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?" She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!" 
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 Thanks to Rosie for this story: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein- Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me, all under the age of eleven. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he asked, "do all these children and this luggage belong to you?" "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all mine." The customs agent began his questions, "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?" "Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now." The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carpet Installation Day Most carpet retailers outsource the installation to independent contractions so it's important to inspect the work closely and not sign any paperwork after the installation until you are satisfied. If the carpet installers will not address your concerns, call the retailer.  The same applies to ANY and ALL flooring installers. I held back 50% pending successful installation when I bought vinyl flooring in 2001 and did not budge no matter how much they whined. It is ridiculous what they initially tried to get away with. Tried unsuccessfully! Have FUN! DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
A time travelers secret stroll through Brooklyn Heights.
 ___________________________________________________ Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..." So, to be politically correct, he fired them all. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 One Liners: Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! Is it time for your medication or mine? ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 14 in 1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed on board the USS Constitution. Tunis did not honor it until the Marines showed up and knocked them back into the stone age. 1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed after 632 years of rebuilding. 1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver B. Shallenberger. 1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to look for gold. 1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World War I. 1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in the incident. 1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance and pension plans for the elderly. 1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was the new home of the U.S. War Department. 1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. 1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman Catholics. 1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 1976 A charity softball game began for the Community General Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually called off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score was Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was incorporated. 1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by Mexican police. 1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop mass deaths due to starvation. 1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military college. She quit the school less than a week later. 1998 A U.S. federal appeals court in Richmond, VA, ruled that the Food and Drug Administration had no authority to regulate tobacco. The FDA had established rules to make it harder for minors to buy cigarettes. 2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash that killed 110 people in 1996. 2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after being closed 54 years earlier because Cuba had stolen (nationalized) all US built and owned refineries and plantations and canneries. Secretary of State Hillary said that was ok, since they are Communists. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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