Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, April 27 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Attempted murder, tried to drown girlfriend in Boca Raton, FL. __________________________________________________ On April 26 in 1965, "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. _____________________________________________________ Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. --- Lynda Barry ____________________________________________________ You have probably all heard about government funded "art" galleries buying stuff that no sane person would consider to be art. The Tate Gallery in London won a BONEHEAD AWARD for wasting $30,000 of public money to buy a tin can containing 30 grams of excrement from dead Italian "artist" Piero Manzoni. Manzoni created 90 such cans before his death for no other purpose, ironically, than to prove how gullible art-buyers are. Half of the tins have already exploded, as he had hoped they would. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asks. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your accounting department who found out, and not my supervisor, I would say that was good enough." ____________________________________________________ Jennil Modar Double-crested Cormorant flyby April 23, 2022 Calgary, East ___________________________________________________ Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm sure you will all be invited to stay here. However, right now our computer is in the shop for upgrading and so I can't admit anyone for a few days. So I will let you go back to earth for a week, and be anyone you want". The first nun says "I want to be Sophia Loren" and POOF she's gone. The second says "I want to be Madonna" and POOF she's gone. The third, a very old and a bit short-sighted nun, says "I want to be Sara Pipalini". St Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 Alberta Pipeliners'!" ____________________________________________________ Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cole Goldberg, 23, Boca Raton, Floriduh, USA Attempted murder, tried to drown girlfriend in Boca Raton, FL. Goldberg, according to Fish and Wildlife Officers, attempted to drown his girlfriend by holding her underwater on Lake Boca. The alleged attempted drowning occurred during Boca Bash on Sunday and was witnessed by multiple people. An FWC report obtained by BocaNewsNow.com states that Goldberg was fighting with his girlfriend, and forcibly restraining her, prior to the alleged attempted drowning. Despite the Palm Beach County Jail reporting the charge as homicide, it is actually attempted homicide as the woman was injured but is alive. BOCA RATON, FL (BocaNewsNow.com) (Copyright 2022 MetroDesk Media, LLC) Boca Raton resident Cole Goldberg, 23, is facing a homicide charge following his arrest late Sunday. The Palm Beach County Jail reports that Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission Officers arrested Goldberg and booked him into jail at 12:11 Monday morning. He is officially charged, according to the jail, with homicide murder first degree premeditated and battery touch or strike. BocaNewsNow.com is awaiting the arrest report which is still being processed by the Palm Beach County Clerk of Courts. We note that the Palm Beach County Jail booking system often omits attempted when reporting charges we are unaware of any homicides in or around Boca Raton over the past 24 hours. We have not yet received an update from Florida Fish and Wildlife. Goldberg, according to the jail, lists the 2600 block of NW 64th Boulevard as his home address. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Libby Re: Where is the Mailwasher BLACKlist? I also have mailwasher. This is a great deterrent to trash mail. Where is my black list? How do I dump it. Your humor makes my day, keep it coming. Libby color> Dear Libby CTRL B brings up the Black-List. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ A man and wife were both in an Internet Business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and he said "No, not there. Scroll down a little." ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think." ______________________________________________ A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any newspapers!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to a veterinary clinic for inoculations. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized." ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 26, in 1296, The Scots were defeated by Edward I at the Battle of Dunbar. 1509, Pope Julius II excommunicated the Italian state of Venice. 1521, Portuguese explorer Ferdinand Magellan was killed by natives in the Philippines. 1565, The first Spanish settlement in Philippines was established in Cebu City. 1805, A force led by U.S. Marines captured the city of Derna, on the shores of Tripoli. 1813, Americans under Gen. Pike capture York (present day Toronto) the seat of government in Ontario. 1861, West Virginia seceded from Virginia after Virginia seceded from the Union during the American Civil War. 1861, U.S. President Lincoln issued an order to General Winfield Scott that authorized him to suspend the writ of habeas corpus between Philadelphia and Washington at or near any military line. 1863, The Army of the Potomac began marching on Chancellorsville. 1865, In the U.S. the Sultana exploded while carrying 2,300 Union POWs. Between 1,400, 2,000 were killed. 1880, Francis Clarke and M.G. Foster patented the electrical hearing aid. 1909, The sultan of Turkey, Abdul Hamid II, was overthrown. 1938, Geraldine Apponyi married King Zog of Albania. She was the first American woman to become a queen. 1945, The Second Republic was founded in Austria. 1946, The SS African Star was placed in service. It was the first commercial ship to be equipped with radar. 1947, "Babe Ruth Day" was celebrated at Yankee Stadium. 1950, South Africa passed the Group Areas Act, which formally segregated races. 1953, The U.S. offered $50,000 and political asylum to any Communist pilot that delivered a MIG jet. 1953, Five people were killed and 60 injured when Mt. Aso erupted on the island of Kyushu. 1960, The submarine Tullibee was launched from Groton, CT. It was the first sub to be equipped with closed- circuit television. 1961, The United Kingdom granted Sierra Leone independence. 1965, "Pampers" were patented by R.C. Duncan. 1975, Saigon was encircled by North Vietnamese troops. 1978, Pro-Soviet Marxists seized control of Afghanistan. 1982, The trial of John W. Hinckley Jr. began in Washington. Hinckley was later acquitted by reason of insanity for the shooting of U.S. President Reagan and three others. 1982, China proposed a new constitution that would radically alter the structure of the national government. 1984, In London, Libyan gunmen left the Libyan Embassy 11 days after killing a policewoman and wounding 10 others. 1989, Student protestors took over Tiananmen Square in Beijing. 1987, The U.S. Justice Department barred Austrian President Kurt Waldheim from entering the U.S. They claimed that he had aided in the deportation and execution of thousands of Jews and others as a junior German Army officer during World War II. 1992, The Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was proclaimed in Belgrade by the Republic of Serbia and its ally Montenegro. 1992, Russia and 12 other former Soviet republics won entry into the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank. 2005, The A380, the world's largest jetliner, completed its maiden flight. The passenger capability was 840. 2005, Russian President Vladimir Putin became the first Kremlin leader to visit Israel. 2006, In New York, NY, construction began on the 1,776- foot One World Trade Center on the site of former World Trade Center. 2022 Do smiled. |
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