Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, September 20 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Aspiring pastor arrested for murdering wife blames it on cough syrup Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 20 in 1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the journey. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. --- Thomas Jefferson, January 12, 1819 ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. At the exit I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Consider the theatergoer who gets to his seat only to find that he's far away from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Matthew James Phelps, 28, Raleigh, North Carolina Aspiring pastor arrested for murdering wife blames it on cough syrup A man in Raleigh, North Carolina, said that after he awoke from a dream early Friday morning, he found his wife dead on the floor and, as he told a 911 dispatcher, I think I did it. I have blood all over me, and there's a bloody knife on the bed. And I think I did it, Matthew James Phelps, an aspiring pastor, told the dispatcher. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. Phelps, who jail records list as 28 years old, blamed his alleged black out on cough syrup he took earlier in the evening to help him sleep. I took more medicine that I should have, he said. I took Coricidin Cough and Cold ... because I know it can make you feel good. A lot of times I can't sleep at night. Officers came to the couple's house and found Lauren Ashley- Nicole Phelps, 29, wounded but alive. The woman, who taught Sunday school, was taken to an area hospital where she died, according to the Associated Press. Her husband of almost a year was taken to the Wake County Jail and charged with murder. He remains behind bars and will make his first appearance before a judge on Tuesday, according to court records. On the 911 call, the dispatcher asked Matthew Phelps if he thought his wife was beyond help from her wounds. He replied: I don't know. I'm too scared to get close to her. Phelps worked for a lawn service company and was a graduate of Clear Creek Baptist Bible College in Kentucky, where he studied mission and evangelism, according to the Raleigh News & Observer, which cited his Facebook page. Phelps may be blaming cough syrup for the alleged murder, but investigators will be looking for other reasons for the woman's death, according to former FBI agent Brad Garrett. The "this medicine made me do it" excuse is a common way for people in his position to respond, Garrett told the AP. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: File Explorer Dear Webby, where do you find " windows file explorer"? dan Dear Dan Right-click on START select Open Windows EXPLORER Have FUN! DearWebby A Canadian man is told that he's being transferred from Toronto to Chicago. "It'll mean a big raise and more benefits," he tells a co-worker, "but I'll quit before I'll move there." "Why?" his friend asks. "I've seen all those movies," the man says. "I'm just too afraid of all the gangsters and crime there." "You ought to reconsider," the other man says. "Chicago is a magnificent city with world class museums, good public transportation, nice neighborhoods -- everything a person could want." Then he says, "I worked in Chicago for almost 10 years, and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working." "What did you do there?" the first man asks. "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Softening Butter You can soften butter quickly but putting it in the microwave for 10 seconds. If the butter is frozen, you may have to repeat this, but be careful not to microwave it for too long, it will quickly become liquid. If you have hard butter that you want to add to a something you are cooking, simply use a cheese grater, the grated butter will quickly melt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | If you're going 80 miles per hour, how long will it take you to go 80 miles? |
____________________________________________________ A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW," the social worker exclaims,"are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Then I calls them by their last names." __________________________________________________ | | Worlds top 40 most unusual architecture. |
___________________________________________________ Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ A Kansas farm couple are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 24 years we've been out together." ____________________________________________________ | Today, Sept 20, in 1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain to find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan was killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually made the journey. 1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian troops, leading to the unification of Italy. 1884 The Equal Rights Party was formed in San Francisco, CA. 1946 WNBT-TV in New York became the first station to promote a motion picture. Scenes from "The Jolson Story" were shown. 1962 James Meredith, a black student, was blocked from enrolling at the University of Mississippi by Governor Ross R. Barnett. Meredith was later admitted. 1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint U.S.- Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the U.N. General Assembly. 1967 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was launched. It went out of service on November 27, 2008. 1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program. 1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the U.S., France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping troops back to Beirut. 1984 "The Cosby Show" premiered on NBC-TV. 1989 F.W. de Klerk was sworn in as president of South Africa. 1991 U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. 1995 AT&T announced that it would be splitting into three companies. The three companies were AT&T, Lucent Technologies, and NCR Corp. 1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide their own speed limits. 2017 Do smiled. |
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