Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, December 17 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Florida woman poisoned boyfriend to 'shut him up,' then called deputies 'so he wouldn't die' ____________________________________________________ Today, December 17, in 1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. ____________________________________________________ Bidet's lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers ____________________________________________________ When Joe stopped the bus to pick up a kid for preschool, he noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" Joe asked. "Yes, she's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," he said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her." ____________________________________________________ Earless Owl, Calgary ____________________________________________________ To get acquainted with his new Parish, a new Priest decided to call on some different parishoners every day. One he selected was a young widow, whose husband had died two years ago, according to the index card he had. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alvis Parrish, 54, Jacksonville, Florida, USA Just enough poison Florida woman poisoned boyfriend to 'shut him up,' then called deputies 'so he wouldn't die' A Florida woman told deputies she gave her boyfriend "just enough" poison in his lemonade to shut him up and then called law enforcement "so he wouldn't die," according to a police report. Deputies with the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said Alvis Parrish, 54, put a psychotic drug in the lemonade of William Carter, with whom she had been living with for nine years, on Dec. 7. She then called authorities. When deputies arrived at her home, she was on the front porch and said she did it because he wouldn't shut up, according to an arrest report. "I gave him just enough to shut him up and called y'all so he wouldn't die," said Parrish, according to the arrest report. A deputy put her in handcuffs and Parrish continued talking. "Do whatever you want. If you don't take me, I will kill him," she said, according to the arrest report. The deputy reported she was speaking with a slur, as if she was intoxicated. Parrish also wrote out what she had done in a notebook, according to the arrest report. A deputy who talked to Carter described him as "extremely lethargic" but had difficulty interviewing him because he kept complaining about how tired he was, the report said. Carter, 61, told the deputy the lemonade tasted funny but he said he did not know why Parrish would give him the drug since he didn't usually take it. A bottle of lemonade deputies found had a powdery substance at the bottom, the report said. Carter at first didn't want to go to a hospital, but he was taken to an emergency room after he collapsed to the floor, saying he was not feeling well. Parrish is facing a charge of poisoning food or water with intent to kill or injure a person. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Inger Re: Where is Libre Office? Dear Webby My grand-daughter told me that Libre Office is better than Open Office. Since she will be doing my tech support, I better get that one. Where? Thanks Inger Dear Inger Smart decision, even though it is really easy. It is at Open Office and it is free. Have FUN! DearWebby Robert wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and quit cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A preacher was driving down the highway when he came up behind a car weaving all over the road. He figures that the driver in the vehicle must be drunk. The preacher decides that he should pass and get on down the road so there will be no chance of being in a possible accident. He starts around the car and hits a slick spot in the road and the car goes off into a deep ravine but lands right side up. The drunk stops and staggers over to the edge of the road and says, "Hey Buddy, are you okay?" The preacher answers back and says, "Yes, thank you, the Lord is riding with me." To which the drunk replies, "Well, you had better let him ride with me before you kill him." ______________________________________________ Two babies in a hospital nursery: "I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?" "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you." When the nurse left, the baby pulled up his gown. "See? Blue booties." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A beautiful woman is sitting next to a teenage boy on a plane. There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nose dive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says I hate to have to tell you this folks, but we might not walk away from this one. Everyone begins to panic except for the boy who sheepishly turns to the woman and says, I hate to trouble you miss, but we might die and Ive never kissed anyone. The woman is at first taken aback but after a moment realizes she might as well make the kid happy in their final moments. She passionately kisses him. The boy, elated, goes on, Sorry to bother you again after such a lovely kiss, but we might die and Ive never felt a breast. Again the woman is taken aback but decides there is no harm in it and slides his hand under her shirt. After a good long feel, the boy again says youve been so kind already but please, I dont want to die never having made love to a woman. Already committed to helping this boy have new experiences before they die, the woman smiles and begins to undo his belt. Just then the plane levels off. As everyone exits the plane they shake hands with the captain and congratulate him. The woman walks off the plane she says thank you so much for saving us from certain death. The boy says just a LITTLE longer next time dad! ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 17, in 1777 To annoy Britain, France recognized American independence. 1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the first street to go "One Way." 1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia. 1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper- twine machine. 1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright made the flight. 1939 The trashed German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la Plata off Uruguay to an end. 1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from concentration camps. 1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided to approve RCA's color television specifications. 1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 1959 The film "On the Beach" premiered in New York City and in 17 other cities. It was the first motion picture to debut simultaneously in major cities around the world. 1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford. 1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS, and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S. 1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of 1979. 1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was fatally beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white police officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from McDuffie's death. 1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven to be false. 1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a heart, lungs, and liver transplant. 1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. He had been convicted of running guns to the Contras. 1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari signed the North American Free Trade Agreement. 1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants. 1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by masked gunmen. 1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that they took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted works and downloading them from the Internet. 1998 U.S. House Speaker-designate Bob Livingston admitted he'd had extramarital affairs. 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have ready for use within two years a system for protecting American territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks. 2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first quarterly loss in its 47-year history. 2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war. 2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the largest overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years. The bill aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It also created a federal counterterrorism center and a new intelligence director. 2021 Do smiled. |
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