Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, February 16 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! From Cesar: Carnival in Rio Woooooaauwwwww!!!!!! You have NEVER seen anything like that! Makes New Orleans Mardi Gras look like a brief fart in the dark by comparison! They have quarter mile long floats, many hundreds of beautiful dancers dressed in jewels, jet size animated eagles and dragons, Greek mythical figures like Neptune rising on a water jet, and so on. The US float, just for an example has Lincoln reciting his 4 score speech, the revolutionary war with a few dozen canons, and so on. It will totally blow your mind. Dont look at it when you are in a hurry! The whole parade is about an hour long. Thanks, Cesar!!!!!! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Men from Sturgeon Bay arrested with 3 assault rifles in Homestead High Scool parking lot Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 16 in 1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S. Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by pirates. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --- Steven Wright (1955 - ) I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. --- Mary Chase (1887 - 1973) I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After being married for twenty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, and then said, You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K. She asked, What does that mean? He said, Amazing, Bright, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fantastic, Gorgeous, Hot. She felt very happy and said, Oh my dear, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K? He said, I'm Just Kidding! "GONG" said the cast iron frying pan. ______________________________________________________ A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs. He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty. The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy; "Please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Intimidator 305, 90 miles per hour, Kings Dominion Park, Virginia _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Red Skelton's Marriage Tips: 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas . 3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.' 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days! . Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!' 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust!' _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Willard Hartman, 19, Benjamin Krohn, 19, Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin Men from Sturgeon Bay arrested with 3 assault rifles in Homestead High Scool parking lot Two men, 19, from Sturgeon Bay, were arrested Saturday, Feb. 10 for possession of narcotics and firearms, including three assault rifles on the campus of Homestead High School -- according to a letter from the Mequon-Thiensville School District Superintendent Matthew Joynt. Willard Hartman faces 11 charges: Possession of narcotic drugs Possession of a firearm on the grounds of a school (five counts) Carrying a concealed weapon (five counts) Benjamin Krohn faces 14 charges: Possession of narcotic drugs Carrying a concealed weapon Possession of a firearm on the grounds of a school (five counts) Carrying a concealed weapon (five counts) Possession of THC Possession of drug paraphernalia According to that letter, Mequon police pulled over the men's vehicle in the Homestead High School parking lot after an officer spotted the vehicle making an illegal U-turn on Mequon Rd. The men said they were in Mequon "because they had a friend on the Sturgeon Bay basketball team participating in a basketball tournament being held at the high school." Superintendent Joynt said in his letter to parents: "While it is unsettling to know that strangers were on our campus over the weekend with guns, they were not targeting anyone here or targeting our school." Hartman was driving, prosecutors say, and Krohn was the front-seat passenger. Hartman told investigators they were at Homestead watching a basketball game "and he did not see the no U-turn sign." While investigating, an officer noted a strong odor of burnt marijuana coming from the vehicle and Krohn "stated he had marijuana," according to the complaint. Krohn was searched and a baggie with a small amount of a green, leafy substance believed to be marijuana was found in his jacket pocket, along with brass knuckles, which Krohn said he "uses for protection." The complaint says "an unlocked Taurus handgun" was found on the floorboard behind the driver's seat, and inside the case, an officer found "a Taurus 1911 45 ACP and a magazine with six rounds of .45 caliber ammunition." In the trunk, officers found an AK-47 rifle and a magazine, both empty, an AM-15 rifle with the chamber empty but a 30- round magazine inserted. Additionally, a Glock was found on the front passenger floorboard with a loaded magazine but no rounds in the chamber, and a Kel Tec Sub 2000 was found folded with a magazine next to it in a backpack on the rear passenger floorboard. Prosecutors say investigators found a pill later identified as oxycodone in a baggie inside a duffel bag and four cigar wrappers -- one with the tobacco removed and no paper. They also found a green, leafy substance in the backpack which tested positive for THC. The complaint says Krohn said they'd gone to Homestead to see a friend play basketball and he admitted to smoking marijuana in the parking lot. He said the firearms belonged to him and he "brought them with in case he wanted to trade or sell them to someone." Hartman and Krohn made their initial appearances in court on Feb. 12. Cash bond was set at $5,000. A status hearing was set for March 6. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Links not working Dear Webby, When someone sends me an e-mail with a link,and I click on the link nothing happins.I am a novis on computers. What should I do to correct this problem. Thank you in advance. Lee Dear Lee There could be many reasons for that, but probably you have pop-ups blocked. First try holding down CTRL and double clicking the link. If still nothing happens, then the link probably has a typo in it. Tell whoever sent it to you, that the link does not work. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Felt Fortune Cookies By attosa [526 Posts, 2,812 Comments] The best part of opening a fortune cookie is receiving your paper fortune, so these felt versions can save you from ingesting too many cookies! They can be reused, too, so this is a great craft for Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, and many other celebrations. Total Time: 45 minutes Yield: 5 fortune cookies Supplies: pieces of felt ring of masking tape pencil scissors pipe cleaners hot glue gun plain white paper pen Steps: Place the ring of masking tape on top of a piece of felt. Trace around the ring with a pencil. Cut out the circle of felt. Repeat with other pieces of felt. Lay a piece of pipe cleaner over the circle and cut it so it's just a bit shorter than the diameter of the circle. Fold the circle in half to make an indentation at the halfway point. Unfold and use the indentation as a guide to lay down a thin line of hot glue all the way across. Lay a piece of pipe cleaner on top of the hot glue. Press down to secure. Repeat with all the circles. While the glue dries, cut out little strips of white paper shorter than the diameter of the felt circles. Handwrite your messages onto the strips of paper. To shape the circle into a fortune cookie, first fold it in half. Angle the two sides toward each other, bending the wire at its halfway point. Flip over to see the puffier side. Gently peel back one flap of the cookie and insert a fortune. Close back up. They are ready to go! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Fred for this story: Driving with my son for the first time since he got his permit, I was pleased to see how well he was handling the busy road we were traveling. Then, just past a traffic light, the lanes shifted, and he was straddling the dotted line dividing them. "Get into your own lane!" I yelled urgently. He looked at me in bewilderment. "Which one's mine?" | | The Intricate Craft of Using Human Hair for Jewelry, Art, and Decoration |
Groan Alert: Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 16, in 1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S. Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by pirates. 1857 The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for advanced education of the deaf. The school was later renamed Gallaudet College. 1862 During the U.S. Civil War, about 14,000 Confederate soldiers surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Fort Donelson, TN. 1868 The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, changed it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks (BPOE). 1914 The first airplane flight between Los Angeles and San Francisco took place. 1918 Lithuania proclaimed its independence. 1923 Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber with several invited guests. He had originally found the tomb on November 4, 1922. 1932 The first fruit tree patent was issued to James E. Markham for a peach tree which ripens later than other varieties. 1937 Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon. Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont. 1938 The U.S. Federal Crop Insurance program was authorized. 1945 During World War II, U.S. troops landed on the island of Corregidor in the Philippines. 1946 The first commercially designed helicopter was tested in Connecticut. 1948 NBC-TV began airing its first nightly newscast, "The Camel Newsreel Theatre", which consisted of Fox Movietone newsreels. 1858 The first ironing board was patented by William Vandenburg and James Harvey. 1959 Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow of President Fulgencio Batista. 1960 The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10. 1968 In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL. 1970 Joe Frazier began his reign as the undefeated heavyweight world champion when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis in five rounds. He lost the title on January 22, 1973, when he lost for the first time in his professional career to George Foreman. 1972 Wilt Chamberlain (Los Angeles Lakers) reached the 30,000-point mark in his NBA career during a game against the Phoenix Suns. 1985 "Kojak" returned to network television after an absence of seven years with the CBS-TV special, "Kojak: The Belarus File." 1987 John Demjanjuk went on trial in Jerusalem. He was accused of being "Ivan the Terrible", a guard at the Treblinka concentration camp. He was convicted, but the Israeli Supreme Court overturned the ruling when tghe real Ivan showed up. 1989 Investigators in Lockerbie, Scotland, announced that a bomb hidden inside a radio-cassette player was the reason that Pan Am Flight 103 was brought down the previous December. All 259 people aboard and 11 on the ground were killed. 1999 A bomb exploded at the government headquarters in Uzbekistan. Gunfire followed the incident. The event apparently was an attempt on the life of President Islam Karimov. 1999 Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader Abdullah Ocalan. 1999 Testimony began in the Jasper, TX, trial of John William King. He was charged with murder in the gruesome dragging death of James Byrd Jr. King was later convicted and sentenced to death. 2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds and scattered around in the surrounding woods. 2005 The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140 nations. 2005 The NHL announced the cancellation of the 2004-2005 season due to a labor dispute. It was the first time a major sports league in North America lost an entire season to a labor dispute. 2018 Do smiled. |
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