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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, January 24, in 1990, Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon since 1976. A satellite was placed in lunar orbit. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Woman charged with attempted murder of boyfriend who had peed in bed __________________________________________________ Q Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. --- Russell Baker (1925 - ) All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) _________________________________________________ A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine." __________________________________________________ A Southern preacher was using the new sound system of the church for the first time and jerking the microphone cord along behind him as he briskly moved about the platform. He had never heard his voice amplyfied like that and was getting right into the spirit of things and gesticulating just as wildly as he was yelling into the microphone. As he moved farther over to one side, he got wound up in the cord and nearly tripped before jerking it free again. After several circles and jerks, Little Johnny leaned toward his mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Briana Lacost, 25, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA Woman charged with attempted murder of boyfriend who had peed in bed A woman in Baton Rouge is facing charges, accused of stabbing her boyfriend after he peed in their bed. According to arrest reports obtained by WAFB, the pair had been out drinking, then returned to their home around 3:30 a.m. Saturday. The man told detectives he was sleeping when 25-year-old Briana Lacost woke him up and started hitting him for wetting the bed. He said he tried to restrain her, but she allegedly continued to hit him. The man told detectives he was trying to leave and go to a family members house when Lacost allegedly charged at him with a kitchen knife and stabbed him. Deputies said the man was stabbed in the left side of his torso with a knife, puncturing his lung. The arrest document states Lacost admitted to the stabbing but it was after he allegedly choked her during the fight. She also told investigators she tried to provide medical aid and rushed him to the hospital. Lacost was charged with attempted second-degree murder. ___________________________________________________ And now you know why Big Pharma and Soros financed the Anti- Trump witch-hunt! ___________________________________________________ I couldn't help overhearing a man on his cell phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma, you're 75 years old! A tatoo like that would look silly on you!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ In Turkey, people are stunned by the magnificent view in the sky. In the morning hours of Thursday, January 19, 2023, a lens cloud was seen in the sky over Bursa, Turkey. ____________________________________________________ New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!" ____________________________________________________ In a lot of Southern towns, the influence of the Baptist Church is felt in many different walks of life. For example, sexual relations between two unmarried adults is illegal. It seems they felt it might lead to dancing. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ Angus was returning to Scotland after a year in exile and was met at the station by his two brothers Lorne and Neil. "Lorne!, Neil!, Why did you grow beards while I was away?" Lorne replied angrily "What do you expect? You took the razor blade with you!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ At age ninety-two, Grandma Fritz still lived in her old two-story farmhouse, made homemade noodles, and did her laundry in her wringer-washer in the basement. She maintained her vegetable garden, big enough to feed all of Benton County, with just a hoe and spade. Her seventy-year- old children lovingly protested when she insisted on mowing her huge lawn with her ancient push mower. "I only work outside in the cool, early mornings and in the evenings," Grandma explained, "and I always wear my sunbonnet." Still, her children were understandably relieved when they heard she was attending the noon lunches at the local senior citizens' center. Yes, Grandma admitted, as her daughter nodded approvingly. "I cook for them. Those old people appreciate it so much!" ____________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to jump wearing dark glasses, carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage.Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?" "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack." ---- That's actually an old smoke-jumper trick routinely used in forest fire fighting. You have your 66 pound pack on a 50 foot rope and first throw your pack out. After that even the most scared newbie can not change his mind, the pack pulls him out of the plane. When the rope goes slack, you drop your shovel and put your arms in front of your face for protection against the branches and sticks that you might be crashing through in a moment. The last 10 feet above the ground the smoke is normally a lot thinner and for almost a second you can see what you are going to hit, --- unless the chute gets hung up in a tree and you get flung sideways into the tree. I haven't done any forest fire fighting in many years, and they may have changed the procedures by now, but that's the way we used to do it. ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: What kind of pictures for slide show Dear Webby, what kind of pictures should I collect for my slide show? Beverly Dear Beverly Any pictures in JPG format will do. Ideally, they should be big enough, so that they can be stretched to fill the screen. The topic is irrelevant. The screen saver is just covering up the love letters to and from your 17 lovers, while you are at Walmart. You can use the Picture Of The Day from the Humor Letter, or all the political jokes, that have been coming around, whatever you got. They are for when you are not there. You won't see them. Pick any pictures you got. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Teacher: "Now, Johnny, what's the most important question to ask when you want to have safe sex?" Johnny: "What time will your husband get home?" ____________________________________________________ Today, January 24 in 1848, James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at Sutter's Mill in northern California. The discovery led to the gold rush of '49. 1899, Humphrey OSullivan patented the rubber heel. 1908, In England, the first Boy Scout troop was organized by Robert Baden-Powell. 1916, Conscription was introduced in Britain. 1922, Christian K. Nelson patented the Eskimo Pie. 1924, The Russian city of St. Petersburg was renamed Leningrad. The name has since been changed back to St. Petersburg. 1930, Primo Carnera made his American boxing debut by knocking out Big Boy Patterson in one minute, ten seconds of the opening round. 1935, Krueger Brewing Company placed the first canned beer on sale in Richmond, VA. 1942, "Abies Irish Rose" was first heard on NBC radio. 1943, U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Churchill concluded a wartime conference in Casablanca, Morocco. 1952, Vincent Massey was the first Canadian to be appointed governor-general of Canada. 1955, The rules committee of major league baseball announced a plan to strictly enforce the rule that required a pitcher to release the ball within 20 seconds after taking his position on the mound. 1964, CBS-TV acquired the rights to televise the National Football Leagues 1964-1965 regular season. The move cost CBS $14.1 million a year. The NFL stayed on CBS for 30 years. 1965, Winston Churchill died at the age of 90. 1972, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws that denied welfare benefits to people who had resided in a state for less than a year. 1978, A nuclear-powered Soviet satellite plunged through Earth's atmosphere and disintegrated. The radioactive debris was scattered over parts of Canada's Northwest Territory. 1980, The United States announced intentions to sell arms to China. 1985, Penny Harrington became the first woman police chief of a major city. She assumed the duties as head of the Portland, Oregon, force of 940 officers and staff. 1986, The Voyager 2 space probe flew past Uranus. The probe came within 50,679 miles of the seventh planet of the solar system. 1987, In Lebanon, gunmen kidnapped educators Alann Steen, Jesse Turner, Robert Polhill and Mitheleshwar Singh. They were all later released. 1989, Ted Bundy, the confessed serial killer, was put to death in Florida's electric chair for the 1978 kidnap-murder of 12-year-old Kimberly Leach. 1990, Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon since 1976. A satellite was placed in lunar orbit. 1995, The prosecution gave its opening statement at the O.J. Simpson murder trial. 1996, Polish Premier Jozef Oleksy resigned due to allegations that he had spied for Moscow. 2000, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a Missouri law that limited the contributions that individuals could donate to a candidate during a single election. 2001, In Colorado Springs, CO, Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury were taken into custody after a 5-minute phone interview was granted with a TV station. They were the remaining fugitives of the "Texas 7." 2002, The U.S. Congress began a hearing on the collapse of Enron Corp. 2002, John Walker Lindh appeared in court for the first time concerning the charges that he conspired to kill Americans abroad and aided terrorist groups. Lindh had been taken into custody by U.S. Marines in Afghanistan. 2003, The U.S. Department of Homeland Security began operations under Tom Ridge. 2022 Do smiled.
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