Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, December 13 If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Wichita man arrested after threatening family and officers ____________________________________ Today, December 13 in 1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate developer for $65 million. _____________________________________________________ The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. --- Elizabeth Taylor (1932 - 2011) _____________________________________________________ A guy comes into a coffee shop & places his order, he says "I want 3 flat tires and a pair of headlights" The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen and asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered 3 flat tires and a pair of headlights." "What does he think, this is an auto parts store". "No" the cook says, "3 flat tires means 3 pancakes and a pair of headlights is 2 eggs sunny side up". "Oh" says the waitress. The waitress thinks about this and then she spoons>up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer. The guy says "What are the beans for?" The waitress replys "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires and headlights, that you might want to gas up". _____________________________________________________ Desert Rose ___________________________________________________ The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six- year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know." ____________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Courtland Gire, 29, Wichita, Kansas, USA Wichita man arrested after threatening family and officers The Wichita Police Department says a 29-year-old man was arrested after a reported domestic violence disturbance and threatening to shoot responding officers. At around 2:40 a.m., Friday, officers responded to a domestic violence disturbance with a weapon at a residence in the 10900 block of West Harvest Lane. Police say family members met officer outside the residence where they reported that Courtland Gire was threatening family and his 29-year-old girlfriend with a handgun and knife and the Gire was holding his girlfriend in a bedroom against her will. Gire reportedly threatened to shoot responding officers as well. After approximately four hours of crisis negotiations and a mental health advisor, Gire exited the home and was arrested without the use of force, according to police. No one was injured. Gire was booked on two counts of aggravated assault domestic violence, one count of felon in possession of a firearm and one count of aggravated weapons violation. Police say Gire has previously been arrested and convicted of multiple felonies. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: What kind of pictures for slide show Dear Webby, what kind of pictures should I collect for my slide show? Beverly Dear Beverly Any pictures in JPG format will do. Ideally, they should be big enough, so that they can be stretched to fill the screen. The topic is irrelevant. The screen saver is just covering up the love letters to and from your 17 lovers, while you are at Walmart. You can use the Picture Of The Day from the Humor Letter, or all the political jokes, that have been coming around, whatever you got. They are for when you are not there. You won't see them. Pick any pictures you got. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half of them in the air all the time!" ____________________________________________ "Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise." "Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one." ____________________________________________ Jesus loves you.... Everyone else thinks you're an ass. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Hang up and drive! GUYS, no shirt, no service, GALS, no shirt, no charge. Heart attacks, God's revenge for eating his veggie friends. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. Try not to let your mind wonder, Its too small to be out by itself. The proctologist called, the found your head. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film. Some people just don't know how to drive, I call these people, "EVERYBODY BUT ME!" Don't like my driving, Then quit watching me. _______________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 13 in 1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The journey took almost three years. 1636 The United States National Guard was created when militia regiments were organized by the General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was performed without an anesthetic. 1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-operated weighing machine. 1913 It was announced by authorities in Florence, Italy, that the "Mona Lisa" had been recovered. The work was stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris in 1911. 1913 In the U.S., the Federal Reserve System was established. 1918 U.S. President Wilson arrived in France, becoming the first chief executive to visit a European country while holding office. 1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the Pacific Treaty. 1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks. The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were killed in the attack. 1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a century-old border dispute. 1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Ugandas President Milton Obote was returned to office. 1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended formally in 1983. 1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. 1987 U.S. Secretary of State George Shultz told reporters in Copenhagen, Denmark, that the Reagan administration would begin making funding requests for the proposed Star Wars defense system. 1988 PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York. 1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate developer for $65 million. 1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela, at de Klerk's office in Cape Town. 1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to join the new Commonwealth of Independent States. 1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non-aggression agreement. 1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be seized. 1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina, killing 15 people. 1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng, who already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14 more years. 1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-binding referendum. 2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 Presidential election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The Florida electoral votes were won by only 537 votes, which decided the election. The election had been contested up to the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida recount (supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was unconstitutional. 2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition. 2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to Russia that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972 Anti- Ballistic Missile Treaty. 2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90- minute gunbattle. 2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the conditions for accepting liquor ads. 2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 2020 Do smiled. |
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