Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, June 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thanks Joseph!! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, told cop she bought it at yard sale. Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 2 in 1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless. --- Paul Johnson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Noella Every member of the Mensa organization has an IQ in the top 2 percent and has to pass a difficult test of logic and reasoning to be admitted. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members ate dinner at a local caf. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker contained salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling them, using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for these Mensa members. The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Miss," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker " "Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Sarao, 35, Vero Beach, Florida Florida woman arrested with meth in bra, told cop she bought it at yard sale. Christina Sarao, 35, got pulled over in front of a home for not wearing a seat belt, but when the deputy asked for her ID she got out of her truck and started running, TC Palm reports. Sarao initially told the deputy her name was Holly Smith and her ID was inside her grandmother's home, but the deputy recognized her since he had prior interactions with her, according to TC Palm. Once the deputy caught Sarao she allegedly yelled to him I have to poop and I'm pregnant! the arrest report states. She later admitted to the deputy that she wasn't pregnant and the home she parked at was not her grandmother's, according to TC Palm. When the deputy searched Sarah he found meth and a pipe in her bra, which she told the deputy she bought at a yard sale down the street, according to TC Palm. Sarao was taken to the Indian River County jail on charges of driving with a suspended license, possession of methamphetamine, giving a false name while detained, and resisting arrest, TC Palm Reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: What is the best microphone type? Dear Webby I know you answered this last year, but I didn't save it. What type of microphone is best ? Stationary, cheek, front boom, or lapel? Britta Dear Britta Voice quality is usually best with a cheek or side boom, but if they are just hanging on one ear, they are a real nuisance. Second best voice quality is with a lapel mike, a real lapel mike made for that purpose, not any other mike pinned to your front. Stationary microphones are excellent, if you are in a sound booth and wearing a DJ's neck brace. If you look to the side at a wall calendar, your voice fades, yet the microphone will pick up a fan in the next room. Amplified directional mikes overcome those problems, because they allow you to be farther away and have a wider focus. Front boom mikes can be absolute worst, especially if an amateur positions the microphone right in front of the mouth and terrorizes the listeners with "chicken-scratch", the harsh sounds produced by "t"s "p"s and other "explosive" consonants recorded from too close. Worst of all is when somebody holds the microphone from a head set in their hand and waves it in front of their mouth. If you use a cheap front-boom mike, position it so that it is at chin level, never at lip level ! Resist any pranksters that want you to move it closer for more volume. If you need more volume, go into the Windows Control Panel, Sound Options, crank up the microphone volume and select microphone boost. With microphone boost set to ON, you can usually bend a front boom to the side of your cheek, out of the line of fire from the explosive consonants and still get plenty of volume. Have FUN! DearWebby >From Angie I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gluten Free Strawberry Delight By Litter Gitter [210 Posts, 673 Comments] My daughter gave me the recipe to try. I made it gluten free for my son's birthday. He and I both are allergic to wheat gluten and this cake is a real treat for us. It's so good, we made a pig of ourselves eating it. Gluten Free Strawberry Delight Strawberries are about to go out of season but you can leave them off and just use the strawberry glaze and it is still good. When I get my family together, this is what they want for dessert. Ingredients: Gluten free Angel Food Cake* 8 oz cream cheese 1 cup confectioners' sugar 1 Tbsp milk 8 oz Cool Whip 1 pt whole fresh strawberries, halved. 16 oz package of strawberry glaze (found in the produce section) *This recipe calls for Angel Food Cake. For a delicious homemade gluten free angel food cake, use my recipe posted on Thrifty Fun. Gluten Free Angel Food Cake Steps: Let cream cheese sit out until it is soft. Cut cake in half across to make two layers. In mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, confectioners sugar and milk until smooth. Spread between layers and stack on a cake plate. Spread remaining mixture on top and around sides of cake. Place in the refrigerator and chill for a couple of hours or over night. Frost cake all over with Cool Whip. Decorate with the strawberries and drizzle with strawberry glaze. ____________________________________________________ The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him. ___________________________________________________ | | There was a lot to learn to become a Stewardess in the sixties. Those ladies were not just eye candy! |
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, sheets, bathroom items, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom. The first one chickened out and I had to get another one." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Paul One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter's portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus. The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect. "The head is too big," the professor explained. "The neck is too thin, the shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous. Nobody is THAT ugly. You did a carricature. We do that next semster." The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, "Okay, A minus." ____________________________________________________ | Today, on June 2 1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against the French Republic. 1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay, India. 1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161- year-old nurse of George Washington. 1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law prohibiting alcohol. 1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented in Great Britain. 1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that he had died. 1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non- stop and double cross the English Channel. 1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the U.S. Congress. 1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead of a monarchy. 1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster Abbey. 1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. 1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS- TV. 1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to the public. 1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. 1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program by requiring that all children be taught in English. 1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson Mandela as the nation's president. 2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies to buy more television stations and newspaper-broadcasting combinations in the same city. The previous ownership restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be sued under a trademark law for using information in the public domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp. over their use of World War II footage. 2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's "Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great- granddaughter of Henri Matisse. 2017 Do smiled. |
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