Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, December 31 Today's Bonehead Award: ______________________________________________________ Today, December 31 in 1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. --- Jack London (1876 - 1916) On the global warming hoax: It's all because of Bush's poor energy policy, that the people listened to and believed Al Gore! --- Hillary Clinton ______________________________________________________ One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. The little one was maybe one and a half years old. Someone had given her a little tea set as a gift and it was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?' ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few, minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!" The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her and bring her back." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Am I too flat, or is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for this picture! Mount Ararat, erupting without a permit. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Charles Albert Garcia, 40, Big Pine Key, Floriduh Florida dope tried to prevent car search by locking keys into the car. A Florida Keys man pulled over for speeding Christmas Eve locked his keys inside his car when Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies told him they were going to search the vehicle, according to his arrest report. Charles Albert Garcia, 40, had reason to worry. Deputies found small amounts of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine, amphetamine pills and marijuana inside the Lexus, according to Deputy Jason Farr's affidavit. Garcia, from Big Pine Key, was arrested on multiple felony drug possession counts, felony driving with a suspended license and misdemeanor marijuana possession and misdemeanor obstruction. He was released Wednesday on a bond of $64,000. He did not return a phone call seeking comment. Farr stated that he pulled Garcia over shortly after 11 p.m. Monday after clocking him on his radar driving his Lexus 70 mph in a 45 mph zone of U.S. 1 at mile marker 102 heading south. Farr asked Garcia for his license, but Garcia said it was suspended but would be reinstated soon, according to the report. He told Farr the Lexus he was driving was his father's and he was returning home to Big Pine with Christmas presents. According to Farr's report, Garcia's license has been suspended since April 2012, and he had been arrested for driving on a suspended license three previous times. He also had a warrant out for his arrest for not showing up to court for a traffic violation, Farr wrote in his report. After Farr said he was going to search the Lexus, Garcia threw the keys inside the vehicle and locked the doors. A towing company unlocked the door, and deputies searched the vehicle, finding the drugs, according to Farr's report. From: Earl Re: What is safer, wired or wireless Dear Webby, Enjoy the humor letter, What is safer from hacking wireless or wired? Earl Dear Earl Wired is safer, though if you change your password frequently, wireless CAN be safe enough. Keep in mind, you are not a political target and no real experts are trying to hack into your stuff. You just have to close the door and lock it against casual drive by hackers. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in he ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Storing Potatoes Store potatoes in a cool (40F), dark place for months. Do not allow potatoes to freeze. Potatoes should be stored in a bin that is at least a few inches off the ground but not piled more than 18 inches deep. Thriftyfun.com Where I grew up, most houses had a potato cellar that had at least a quarter of the floor just packed dirt. The rest, and walkways were concrete or boardwalks. Folk wisdom said that potatoes needed the gases emerging from the earth, otherwise they would not last until the next harvest. The potatoes were in wooden bins sitting on 2x4's. That trick worked fine for us and we always still had some old potatoes, when we started harvesting the new ones. Even if you can't grow potatoes, it's still worth storing them if you have a basement. By spring potatoes in the store often cost three times as much as at harvest time. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ | | We have strange customs....Picnicking in cemeteries. |
___________________________________________________ >From Mary My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized our marriage. "With this ring..." I began romantically. "We could pay off your Visa," he responded. ___________________________________________________ For our honeymoon my fiancee and I chose a fashionable hotel known for its luxurious suites. When I called to make reser- vations, the desk clerk inquired, "Is this for a special occasion?" "Yes," I replied." It's our honeymoon." "And how many adults and how many kids will there be?" she asked. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Sandy I came across a letter that had been written to me 12 years earlier while I was in college. I still fondly remembered the sender -- a Shakespeare-quoting, truth-seeking young man -- and wrote to his parents, asking where I could contact him. My letter was returned promptly, with this note scrawled across the bottom: "Our son went on to law school and is a successful attorney. He is active politically, unmarried and, believe it or not, lives at home. PLEASE COME GET HIM!" ___________________________________________________ | Today December 31 in 1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in many windows being bricked up. 1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. Montgomery was killed in the battle. 1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the capital of Canada. 1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive numbers of arrivals. 1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of hostilities in World War II. 1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn more than one billion dollars in a single year. The Unions made sure they never did that again. 1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years. 1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start of 1979. 1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880. 2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the public. 2018 Do smiled. |
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