Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, February 5 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man caught living in Chicago's O'Hare airport for months ___________________________________________________ Today, February 5 in 1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery and drug trafficking. ____________________________________________________ If you stay in Beverly Hills too long you become a Mercedes. --- Robert Redford (1937 - ) What is honored in a country will be cultivated there. --- Plato ____________________________________________________ German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones under their kilts.. ____________________________________________________ Two Rednecks rob an armored truck and all they get away with are two sacks, so they keep one each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, "What did you find in your sack?" "Half a million" "Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all that cash?" "I bought a house and a boat. How about your sack?" "Bah... mine was full o' bills" "And what did you do with them?" "Er, well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off . . " ____________________________________________________ Cereus forbesii spiralis ___________________________________________________ "Get this." said Sam to his friends, "Last night, while I was down here at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" Greg asked. Sam said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." Greg wondered, "Whoa! But... how???" Sam replied, "Well, it was really late at night and Anni thought it was *me* coming home drunk and trying to sneak in!!" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Victor Becerra, 38, Dinuba, California, USA Dinuba man sentenced 228 years-to-life in prison for child molestation A 38-year-old Dinuba man was sentenced to 228 years-to-life in prison for child molestation in Tulare County Superior Court on Wednesday. Victor Becerra was found guilty on several counts of lewd and sexual misconduct with at least four children last October. Dinuba man sentenced 228 years-to-life in prison for child molestation Victor Becerra was found guilty on several counts of lewd and sexual misconduct with at least four children last October. His crimes ranged over a decade. His first victim said the abuse happened in 2009, and a fourth victim said they were assaulted in 2019. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Rick Re: My IP address Dear Webby How do I find my IP address if I am behind an office LAN ? Rick Dear Rick Try http://www .whatismyipaddress.com/ In spite of the long name, it does work just like the name says. On DSL and fiber, your IP number may be the one of your ISP. Have Fun! DearWebby >From Linda There are only two kinds of drivers: Idiots and Maniacs. Idiots include anyone that drives slower than me, and the Maniacs are everyone that drives faster than me. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?" ____________________________________________ Billy Bob and Sue Ann were married for 13 years Sue Ann says to Billy Bob, I'm tired of being at home everyday and nite!! Mary Jo and I are going out with some strange men tonite" Billy Bob says and who are these strange men !! Sue Ann says, JACK DANIEL'S, JIM BEAM and JOHNNY WALKER Billy Bob ask, well well well whos going to cook tonite???? Sue Ann says, I suggest you invite some women over and have a wild party. Billy Bob says , what, what do you mean " wild party and women? Sue Ann says, yea" BETTY CROCKER, and MISS FILBERTS and I hear SARAH LEE has some nice buns ____________________________________________ A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 5 in 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show machine. 1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, as a personal possession. 1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted. 1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 1916 veto. 1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 1931 Maxine Dunlap became the first woman licensed as a glider pilot. 1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk." 1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the first president of the United Arab Republic. 1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's independence. 1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery and drug trafficking. 1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 2001 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation. 2003 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence to the U.N. concerning Iraq's material breach of U.N. Resolution 1441. 2021 Do smiled. |
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