Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, May 6 Thank you, Mildred! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Woman arrested after she said she fired gun to scare teen she caught raping neighbors dog Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 6 in 1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the end of the Renaissance. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober Traditions are standardized ways of dealing with situations that have been experienced by others before. ---Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter from Stonecarver.com for this one: heard a good one: Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me excitedly, "Did you win, Dad?" I have explained to him time and time again that you're really just playing against yourself. This time the family was on vacation and I had gone out to play a round. When I returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was full of young kids and surrounded by dozens of parents. From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled, "Hey Dad! Were you just playing with yourself? We checked out that night. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Georgiagirl for this joke: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I is ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I is ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone, she goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and I say, 'Yellow, this is Mr Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighbourhood near you, and works for your phone company's Help Desk. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kerrie Lenkerd, 40, Centerton, Arkansas Woman arrested after she said she fired gun to scare teen she caught raping neighbors dog Police arrested an Arkansas woman last week after she allegedly shot at a 14-year-old boy whom she accused of trying to rape a neighbors dog. Kerrie Lenkerd, 40, was arrested on Tuesday, April 25, according to an arrest warrant. She is facing a charge of felony aggravated assault. On Monday, April 17, Centerton police talked to Lenkerd, who said that she spotted the teenager out her window in her neighbors yard. She told police that the boy was in his boxers and he was sexually assaulting the neighbors dog, according to KFSM-TV. Lenkerd said the boy has done this before, so she took a gun from her safe and approached him and ordered him to get on the ground, the warrant states. She said the boy jumped the fence and so she went after him and fired a shot into the ground to scare him. She said the boy ran away leaving behind some clothes and an iPad. Officers spoke to several neighbors who said they heard the gunshot and then spotted the boy running away, the document states. The following day, officers spoke to the boy, who said Lenkerd came around and pointed a gun at him and told him to put his hands up, the warrant states. He said he didnt see her carrying a badge so he jumped the fence and ran away in his underwear. He said Lenkerd fired a shot about five or 10 seconds after he jumped the fence. The boy told police that when he got home he changed clothes and told his mom a false story before meeting with officers. Lenkerd was taken to the Benton County Detention Center, where she was held on a $5,000 bond. -------------------- I really sympathise with her, but when a perp is fleeing and no threat, then you can't shoot. Since she had his iPad and his pants, there was no need for shooting, especially not after he was beyond the fence. Since cops get in trouble for shooting at a fleeing perp, they won't let civilians get away with that. They will take all her guns and make her a felon, which means no more guns for the rest of her life, and no vactions in Canada or many other fine countries. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: Defragging Dear Webby What is this defragging all about and how does it work? Eddie Dear Eddie Every time a file is opened and changed, it's size changes. When it is saved again, the part that does not fit into the original spot, is placed somewhere else. That is a fragment. Over time, some files will be in bits and pieces all over the place. Naturally, that slows everything down and also can cause reliability problems. A defragger re-unites all the different pieces of each file. After the first time you run a good defragger, it will feel like you had bought a newer and faster computer. Currently the defragger in the Glary Utilities seems to be the best of the free ones. Be careful, though with the rest of the utilities bundled with it and only use them after you have done a full back-up! Have FUN! DearWebby A teacher was sitting at her desk grading papers, when her first-grade class came back from lunch. Wendy informed the teacher, "Anni has to go to the principal's office." "Do you know why ?", the teacher asked. "Because she's a following person," Wendy replied. "A what?" "It came over the loudspeaker: 'The following persons are to go to the office...'" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Starting a Pussy Willow Plant from a Branch By Ellen You can easily start a pussy willow by rooting one of its branches in water. Pussy willows (like other trees in the willow family) produce a natural rooting hormone that encourages them to root quickly. In fact, if you put cutting from other plants in with the pussy willows that are rooting, the other plants are likely to root faster due to the presence of the rooting hormone. To start a branch in water, select a 12 to 16 inch section that is from 1/2 to 1 inch thick. Remove any leaves that will fall before the water line, and stick the branch in a bucket of water. Store the branch in a cool place out of direct sunlight until some roots emerge. Then transplant the branch outdoors to moist soil. Rooting a Branch in Soil Although pussy willow branches root easily in water, they will take off much faster if you root them directly in moist soil. This is because water roots (roots that have developed in water) are not the same as roots that have developed in soil. Water roots need time to adapt to their new growing conditions in soil, so branches that are rooted this way will take a bit longer to become established. Pussy willow branches can be rooted in pots indoors or directly in the garden as soon as weather permits (danger of frost is past). Have fun! Ellen | | horse won't leave reporter alone |
____________________________________________________ Did you know that in order to encourage interstate commerce in the US every second state forbids fireworks and you have to go to the next state to get them. You can always tell that you are getting close to a state border when you see those firworks sales huts on the side of the freeway. In Canada fireworks are usually regulated locally but rarely enforced unless somebody does something really stupid. However, in this one town, which shall remain nameless, the local dogooders decided to push for a bylaw banning fireworks, even though the only reported accident was when a city council member had forgotten that her hubby had stashed the fireworks in the barbeque to keep them out of the rain and out of the reach of the kids. An opponent to the proposed fireworks bylaw erected a sign that read: "ALL dogooders should be blown up" The next morning somebody had spray-painted underneath: "That would do them good" ___________________________________________________ | | Van Gogh's Starry Night painted on water. |
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on May 6 1527 German troops began sacking Rome, bringing about the end of the Renaissance. 1529 Babur defeated the Afghan Chiefs in the Battle of Ghagra, India. 1576 The peace treaty of Chastenoy ended the fifth war of religion. 1682 King Louis XIV moved his court to Versailles, France. 1840 The first adhesive postage stamps went on sale in Great Britain. 1851 The mechanical refrigerator was patented by Dr. John Gorrie. 1851 Linus Yale patented the clock-type lock. 1877 Chief Crazy Horse surrendered to U.S. troops in Nebraska. 1882 The U.S. Congress passed the Chinese Exclusion Act. The act barred Chinese immigrants from the U.S. for 10 years. 1889 The Universal Exposition opened in Paris, France, marking the dedication of the Eiffel Tower. Also at the exposition was the first automobile in Paris, the Mercedes-Benz. 1910 King Edward VII of England died. He was succeeded by his second son, George V. 1937 The German airship Hindenburg crashed and burned in Lakehurst, NJ. Thirty-six people (of the 97 on board) were killed. 1941 Joseph Stalin assumed the Soviet premiership. 1942 During World War II, the Japanese seized control of the Philippines. About 15,000 Americans and Filipinos on Corregidor surrendered to the Japanese. 1945 Axis Sally made her final propaganda broadcast to Allied troops. 1957 U.S. Senator John Fitzgerald Kennedy was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his book "Profiles in Courage". 1959 The Pablo Picasso painting of a Dutch girl was sold for $154,000 in London. It was the highest price paid (at the time) for a painting by a living artist. 1960 Britain's Princess Margaret married Anthony Armstrong Jones. They were divorced in 1978. 1960 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Civil Rights Act of 1960. 1962 The first nuclear warhead was fired from the Polaris submarine. 1981 A jury of international architects and sculptors unanimously selected Maya Ying Lin's entry for the design of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 1994 The Channel Tunnel officially opened. The tunnel under the English Channel links England and France. 1994 Former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones filed suit against U.S. President Clinton. The case alleged that he had sexually harassed her in 1991. 1997 Army Staff Sgt. Delmar G. Simpson was sentenced to 25 years in prison for raping six trainees at Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland. 1997 Four health-care companies agreed to a settlement of $600 million to hemophiliacs who had contracted AIDS from tainted blood between 1978-1985. 1999 A parole board in New York voted to release Amy Fisher. She had been in jail for 7 years for shooting her lover's wife, Mary Jo Buttafuoco, in the face. 2001 Chandra Levy's parents reported her missing to police in Washington, DC. Levy's body was found on May 22, 2002 in Rock Creek Park. 2002 "Spider-Man" became the first movie to make more than $100 million in its first weekend. 2017 Do smiled. |
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