| Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 24 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 24 in 1675, King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists at Swansee, Plymouth colony. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Arizona driver exposed himself to to women on US 60 in Mesa ___________________________________________________ Q If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) ___________________________________________________ According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. Women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars, and if they were noticing that women have eyes, the bra padding industry would go broke. ____________________________________________________ > From Judy Had to send you this true story: My niece has 4 kids and was breast feeding the baby when #3 child, Jack wanted to climb up into her lap. During the process he was using his elbows to push his way up and hit her other breast so she said 'watch the elbows Jack'. When Grandmother came over later, Jack climbed up into her lap, patted her rather ample bosom and said 'I like your elbows, Grandma'. Needless to say, they will always be elbows to us from now on! _____________________________________________________ * For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6 ____________________________________________________ * If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15 ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!" ________________________________________________ A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine." ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Manuel Torres, 25, Apache Junction, Arizona, USA Arizona driver exposed himself to to women on US 60 in Mesa An Apache Junction man is accused of indecently exposing himself to other drivers along US 60 in Mesa. The victims, who are shaken up by the whole incident, say the suspect then followed them. The ordeal was caught on camera. "Once he proceeded to get behind us, thats when it got scarier because at first, I thought this was just a joke. Hes just messing with us. Hes going to go away," said the first victim. The first victim was driving home from work with the second victim when a black car almost swerved into them. "The whole time, he was looking at us. I could see in the rearview mirror. He would come up close to our car and then be staying back, and then coming closer." When they looked to see who was behind the wheel, they saw the suspect, since identified by police as 25-year-old Manuel Torres. The two women say Torres was driving while also exposing himself. "He had a smile on his face the whole time," said the second victim. "Like, it was a joke to him, and we werent going to do anything about it," the first victim added. The two victims tried to drive away, but they claim Torres started following. They decided to film him for police evidence, but they say that didnt scare him. Then, they called a friend to meet in a nearby apartment complex. "As soon as I see my friend park and I see that he was going to proceed to pull up next to them, thats when I stepped right in front of them, took action," said the friend. "I threw the rock as hard as I could through the windshield at him, and he accelerated and took off." Documents we obtained show Mesa Police used traffic cameras to find the license plate number, and in a photo line-up, the victims were able to positively identify the suspect. "Instantly I could tell, as soon as I saw his face, that it was him," said the second victim. "My stomach dropped. It was like I was just seeing him again." Torres was eventually released on his own recognizance. According to police, Torres has a prior history of sexual offenses, including in 2016, when he was arrested for filming a customer in the changing room of a party supply store. A year later, he was sentenced to probation for 15 years. "People like this need to be brought to justice, and they need to know that this kind of stuff is not OK," said the victims' friend. "He should definitely be monitored a lot better, so that it doesnt happen again," said the second victim. "What if there was children in the car? What if caused me to crash? What if I hit another person?" Earlier this week, detectives requested the county revoke Torres' probation, and that he be held in custody instead of out on the streets. Maricopa County has since agreed to revoke his probation and issued a $10,000 felony bond warrant. Torres was arrested at his mother's house in Chandler on June 21 and will remain in police custody. ___________________________________________________ >From Carol Chocolate is a Vegetable ------------------------ Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. (We're testing this with other snack foods as well.) If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other? Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy? If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you? If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you? __________________________________________________ The man says to his hair stylist, "My hair is falling out. What can I use to keep it in?" The stylist replies, "Might I suggest a shoebox?" ___________________________________________________ Male Kestrel ___________________________________________________ A man was on a a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Enna RE: What is better, Open or Libre Dear Webby, Which is better, Open Office or Office Libre? Enna Dear Enna Yes. Whichever one you are used to. Both office suites offer document templates, but LibreOffice provides more built-in ready-to-use templates than OpenOffice. ... Winner: LibreOffice because features such as templates and Wizards appear to be easier to use and access. Overall, however, both have many of the same features and capabilities. For everyday work, it makes no difference. I doubt you will notice any difference if you use one at work and the other one at home. Have FUN! DearWebby __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today June 24, in 1314, Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland. 1340, The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off the Flemish coast. 1497, Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland. 1509, Henry VIII was crowned King of England. 1664, New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded. 1675, King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists at Swansee, Plymouth colony. 1717, The Freemasons were founded in London. 1793, The first republican constitution in France was adopted. 1812, Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia. 1844, Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for vulcanized rubber. 1859, At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle of the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon III defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in northern Italy. 1861, Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at Mathias Point, Virginia. 1862, U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the Dagu forts in China. 1869, Mary Ellen "Mammy" Pleasant officially became the Vodoo Queen in San Francisco, CA. 1896, Booker T. Washington became the first African American to receive an honorary MA degree from Howard University. 1910, The Japanese army invaded Korea. 1913, Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace. 1931, The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of neutrality. 1940, France signed an armistice with Italy. 1940, TV cameras were used for the first time in a political convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA. 1941, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible support to the Soviet Union. 1947, Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt. Rainier, Washington. 1948, The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade. 1953, John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier announced their engagement. 1955, Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the Bering Strait. 1964, The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in 1965, cigarette manufactures would be required to include warnings on their packaging about the harmful effects of smoking. 1968, "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of the Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by authorities. 1970, The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. 1971, The National Basketball Association modified its four- year eligibility rule to allow for collegiate hardship cases. 1982, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could be sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving as President of the United States. 1985, Natalia Solzhenitsyn the wife of exiled, Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn, became a U.S. citizen. 1986, The Empire State Building was designated a National Historic Landmark. 1997, The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The Roswell Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that an alien spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947, 9 months before Broom Hilda was born. 1998, AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele- Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion. 1998, Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 600-millionth guest. Disney movies, music and books 2002, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges, must make the decision to give a convicted killer the death penalty. 2002, A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for $20.2 million. 2003, In Paris, France, manuscripts by novelist Georges Simenon brought in $325,579. The original manuscript of "La Mort de Belle" raised $81,705. 2023, Do smiled.
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