s
p style="font-family:arial"> Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, March 25 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 25, in 1983 - The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. social security system from bankruptcy. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Florida woman pulls gun on McDonalds worker over item missing off the menu. _____________________________________________ Q That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) ________________________________________________ Did you hear about the first woman to smoke? Note ref: King James Gensis 24:64 And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Issac, she lighted off the camel. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, the pastor thinks, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and falls right into the water. While he's splashing around the first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the tree stumps are?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, the pastor thinks, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and falls right into the water. While he's splashing around the first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the tree stumps are?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, the pastor thinks, if his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can. The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and falls right into the water. While he's splashing around the first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the tree stumps are?" ___________________________________________________ The mother of a problem child complained to the pediatrician that she was on the go constantly trying to ward off the little boy's next misadventure. The pediatrician prescribed tranquilizers for her and on her next visit he asked whether they had helped calm her. "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" _________________________________________________ Wina Cameron-Reid Jasper ________________________________________________ A pair of congressmen met for lunch to hash out their political differences. Ten minutes into the meal, one angrily pounded the table. "You're lying!" he shouted. "Of course I'm lying," the other said, "but hear me out." ____________________________________________________ Top 10 ways to torment a telemarketer 10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." 9. If they say they're John doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends.....would you be my friend?" 6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. 4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel! " Say goodbye and hang up. 2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you want to write EVERY WORD down. Now for my four methods for dealing with telemarketers: a) "Send me an email. I am deaf. Send me an email. I am deaf. Send me an email. I am deaf." Click. b) I let my little Squeaky-Duck answer. "Squeeak Sqweeeeek Squeek-Squeek-Squeeeeek!!!" c) "Are youuu a TELEMARKETER?" in the tone and volume as if I had asked if he or she was a child molester. d) Click. ____________________________________________________ Brenda Van Soest Foster ____________________________________________________ In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?" ___________________________________________________ Slogans on Women's T-shirts 1. So many men, so few who can afford me. 2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends. 3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going. 4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just can't remember it all. 5. My Mother Is a travel agent for guilt trips. 6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog. 7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich. 8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen. 9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. 10. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off. 11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. 12. My husband could have had any women he pleased-he just couldn't please any! 13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? 14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes. 15. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. 16. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. 17. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time. 18. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win. 19. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. 20. My husband is the head of the household, but I'm the neck (and the neck can turn the head anyway it wants it to move). 21. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. 22. How can I miss you if you won't go away? 23. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. 24. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. 25. I run things at my house! (e.g. the vacuum cleaner, washing machine, iron, etc.) __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been reported by ock Quavi Young, 26, Brevard County, Florida, USA Florida woman pulls gun on McDonalds worker over item missing off the menu. A woman was taken into custody after pulling out a gun in a Brevard County McDonalds drive-thru over a missing menu item. 26-year-old Quavi Young drove up to the speaker and requested a meal that was not on the menu. After the employee told her the order could not be completed, Young then pulled up to the first drive-thru window and demanded that her order be taken, according to the arrest report. When the employee asked her why she was upset, Young whipped out a gun, pointed it at her, and then made a threat. Officers with the Cocoa Police Department immediately responded and found a black M&P gun with a drum-style magazine capable of holding up to 50 rounds on her passenger seat. Young was arrested and is facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, open carrying of a firearm, and driving with a suspended license. ___________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Laptop or desktop Dear Webby, Which is better, a laptop or a desktop? Irene Dear Irene The question should be, which is better FOR YOU? If you do your work in a coffee shop or park bench, then of course a laptop is better for you. If you always work in the same office, and like big monitors, then a desktop is better for you. Sure, you can add ONE big monitor to your small laptop, but with a desktop, you can have TWO big monitors. If you do accounting and always run out of space and have to scroll and slide your spreadsheet, or wish you could have two spreadsheets open side by side, then a desktop is better for you. With a desktop you can have two identical monitors side by side, and have either one spreadsheet smoothly extending over two monitors, or have different ones side by side. For example, you can have one monitor showing your weekly or monthly data, and copy paste them onto the annual data on the other. If you are screaming: "Yeah, THAT is what I need!", then get a desktop and two identical 16" monitors. If none of that makes sense and you just want to go to the coffee shop and do your mail and chat, then get a laptop. The cost is about the same. A desktop and two monitors costs the same as a laptop. Don't worry about how long they will last. Microsoft will soon come out with a new version of Windows, that will make machines built for the current version too slow for work. Right now, for example, even though nobody except for the computer vendors wanted a new version, they came out with W10, which is a real snail when run on a Windows7 machine. They will keep doing that, and in a few years you will need to buy a new machine. Just get what is best for you now, and don't worry about Windows12 just yet. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, March 25 in 0421 - The city of Venice was founded. 1306 - Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland. 1409 - The Council of Pisa opened. 1609 - Henry Hudson left on an exploration for Dutch East India Co. 1634 - Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland. 1655 - Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military victory over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland. 1655 - Christian Huygens discovered Titan, Saturn's largest satellite. 1669 - Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 20,000 people were killed. 1700 - England, France and Netherlands ratify the 2nd Extermination Treaty. 1753 - Voltaire left the court of Frederik II of Prussia. 1774 - English Parliament passed the Boston Port Bill. 1776 - The Continental Congress authorized a medal for General George Washington. 1802 - France, Netherlands, Spain and England signed the Peace of Amiens. 1807 - The first railway passenger service began in England. 1807 - British Parliament abolished the slave trade. 1813 - The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in battle in the Pacific. 1814 - The Netherlands Bank was established. 1820 - Greece freedom revolt against Ottoman attack 1821 - Greece gained independence from Turkey. 1856 - A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine. 1857 - Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. 1865 - The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and sank. 400 people were killed. 1865 - During the American Civil War, Confederate forces captured Fort Stedman in Virginia. 1879 - Japan invaded the kingdom of Liuqiu (Ryukyu) Islands, formerly a vassal of China. 1895 - Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia). 1900 - The U.S. Socialist Party was formed in Indianapolis. 1901 - 55 people died when a Rock Island train derailed near Marshalltown, IA. 1901 - The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the five- day "Week of Nice" in Nice, France. 1901 - It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were beginning to fear annexation. 1902 - Irving W. Colburn patented the sheet glass drawing machine. 1902 - In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia. 1905 - Rebel battle flags that were captured during the American Civil War were returned to the South. 1905 - Russia received Japan's terms for peace. 1907 - Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. 1908 - Wilhelm II paid an official visit to Italy's king in Venice. 1909 - In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 300 murder charges. 1911 - In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered to pay damages to each of the twenty- three families that had sued. 1915 - 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off the Hawaiian coast. 1919 - The Paris Peace Commission adopted a plan to protect nations from the influx of foreign labor. 1923 - The British government granted Trans-Jordan autonomy. 1931 - Fifty people were killed in riots that broke out in India. Gandhi was one of many people assaulted. 1936 - The Detroit Red Wings defeated the Montreal Maroons in the longest hockey game to date. The game lasted for 2 hours and 56 minutes. 1940 - The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all American warplanes. 1941 - Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers. 1941 - The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC. 1947 - A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people. 1947 - John D. Rockefeller III presented a check for $8.5 million to the United Nations for the purchase of land for the site of the U.N. center. 1953 - The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea. 1954 - RCA manufactured its first color TV set and began mass production. 1957 - The European Economic Community was established with the signing of the Treaty of Rome. 1960 - A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered submarine for the first time. 1965 - Martin Luther King Jr. led a group of 25,000 to the state capital in Montgomery, AL. 1966 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the "poll tax" was unconstitutional. 1970 - The Concorde made its first supersonic flight. 1972 - Bobby Hull joined Gordie Howe to become only the second National Hockey League player to score 600 career goals. 1975 - King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by a nephew. The nephew, with a history of mental illness, was beheaded the following June. 1981 - The U.S. Embassy in San Salvador was damaged when gunmen attacked using rocket propelled grenades and machine guns. 1982 - Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to score 200 points in a season. 1983 - The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. social security system from bankruptcy. 1985 - It was reported that a U.S. Army Major stationed in East Germany had been shot and killed by a Soviet Border Guard. 1986 - U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for the Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to the Nicaraguan border. 1989 - In Paris, the Louvre reopened with I.M. Pei's new courtyard pyramid. 1990 - A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social club, killed 87 people. 1990 - Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union. 1991 - Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major counter-offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in northern Iraq. 1992 - Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. 1993 - President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled. 1994 - United States troops completed their withdrawal from Somalia. 1995 - Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 3 years. 1996 - An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began at a ranch near Jordan, MT. 1998 - A cancer patient was the first known to die under Oregon's doctor-assisted suicide law. 1998 - The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses for new wireless technology. 1998 - Quinn Pletcher was found guilty on charges of extortion. He had threatened to kill Bill Gates unless he was paid $5 million. 2004 - The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims of Violence Act (H.R. 1997) to make it a separate crime to harm a fetus during the commission of a violent federal crime. 2017 - In Innisfail, Australia, a banana split was created that that exceeded 26,377 feet long. It used 40,000 bananas and more than 650 gallons of ice cream. 2023, Do smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter . | Subscribe | Give a Gift Subscription | Unsubscribe
Click here for Large Print
| |
|
