Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, January 12 Thanks James!! Today's Bonehead Award: ______________________________________________________ Today, January 13 in 1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland, causing Finland to ask Germany for help. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. --- Marilyn Monroe (1926 - 1962) One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. --- Larry Gelbart Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner ______________________________________________________ A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones having gone to see his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Young Love A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. "That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?" "Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark." "How about transportation?" the father asked. "I have my wagon and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question his father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're likely to have babies, you know." "We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to stomp on it!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a private room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: You've got male ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dejuane Ramel Wilson, 24, Wakefield, Virginia Virginia man leads police on high-speed chase across 3 counties A man led police on a high-speed chase Wednesday across three Southwest Virginia counties. Apparently, the pursuit from Pulaski County to Roanoke County was on his bucket list. He said it was his lifelong dream to run from the police, Virginia State Police Sgt. Rick Garletts said. Dejuane Ramel Wilson, 24, of Wakefield was arrested and charged with eluding police. Garletts said more charges could be filed. About 10:33 a.m., a 2013 Chevrolet Camaro failed to stop on Interstate 81 at the 104 mile marker after a sheriff's deputy recorded the vehicle speeding in a work zone, according to Garletts. Virginia State Police took over the pursuit when the Camaro entered Montgomery County. In Roanoke County, at the 132 mile marker, police recorded the vehicle traveling 130 mph. State police cars in front of and behind the Camaro managed to stop it on the shoulder at the 138.7 mile marker, leading to a slight traffic backup. At 10:52 a.m., Wilson was taken into custody, Garletts said. From: Roland Re: What is a Trojan Dear DearWebby, My brother claims he has the Trojan Virus in his computer. What is this, and what would you suggest he do to get rid of it: Roland Dear Roland A Trojan is rarely a virus. A Virus is a program, that doesn't just cause problems, but that also infects other machines. A Trojan is a back-door for spammers and hackers. It lets the hackers enter his machine and use it for sending spam in the background, while the clueless goof is cyber-sexing in the foreground. Naturally, he is not winning any popularity contest by hosting a spam spreader and having Millions of people sincerely wishing him bad luck. Any decent anti-virus program like MalwareBytes prevents Trojans from entering, even when he clicks on disreputable spam. They also get rid of Trojans that have already been installed. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "Daddy," said Little Johnny, "I'd like to get married." "Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?" "Yes," answered Johnny. "Grandma." "Now, wait a minute," said his father. "You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!" "Why not?" the Johnny asked. "You married mine." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Curling - Shuffleboard, bowling and janitorial work finally get their respect in this sport. In curling, a stone is pushed down a frozen playing area, which is 46 yards long and 14 feet wide, and the closest to the "button" wins. Members of the curling team are allowed to use brooms to sweep the ice ahead of the stone so it will go further. Another part of the sport is to knock an opponents stone away from the button. The earliest known curling stone, found in Scotland, dates back to 1511, and a 1560 painting by the Flemish artist Pieter Breughel shows a Dutch curling scene, complete with brooms. Breughel's painting, entitled "Sweep, Ye Drunken Bastards! Sweep!" is the earliest known visual representation of curling. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Start a Book Exchange A way to save money on books is a book exchange with friends and family. An easy way to do this is to set up an email list with everyone that wants to participate and post the books you have available to share to the list. It can be a fun social event and also saves you money. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Birds and more birds. I love birds. |
___________________________________________________ Relation Chips I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me. II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth me behind my back. III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else. IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too damn weird. V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me embarrassed to be seen with thee. VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it if thou knowest what's good for thee. VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am in thy bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone. VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends. IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor's house. X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Squeeze, nor son or daughter, nor stereo, nor BMW. ___________________________________________________ Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she said. "I've got people waiting in my car!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star- Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute organist became the permanent organist. ___________________________________________________ | Today January 12 in 1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. 1773 The first public museum in America was established in Charleston, SC. 1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London. 1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British invaded Zululand. 1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct in London began operation. 1895 The first performance of King Arthur took place at the Lyceum Theatre. 1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs to be made in America. 1904 Henry Ford set a new land speed record when he reached 91.37 miles per hour. 1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal to give women the right to vote. 1915 The U.S. Congress established the Rocky Mountain National Park. 1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland, causing Finland to ask Germany for help. 1942 U.S. President Roosevelt created the National War Labor Board. 1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced by 'Victory Sausages.' 1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge offensive against the Germans in Eastern Europe. 1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate against law-school applicants because of race. 1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam until Communist aggression there was ended. 1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the Nigerian civil war came to an end. 1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. 1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the Palestinian Liberation Organization. 1986 Space shuttle Columbia blasted off with a crew that included the first Hispanic-American in space, Dr. Franklin R. Chang-Diaz. 1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of Kuwait. 1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out daylight street patrols in Belfast. 1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's office with taped conversations between herself and former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police broad authority to stop and question people who run at the sight of an officer. 2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million-mile journey. 2006 The U.S. Mint began shipping new 5-cent coins to the 12 regional Federal Reserve Banks. The coin has an image of Thomas Jefferson taken from a 1800 Rembrandt Peale portrait in which the president is looking forward. Since 1909, when presidents were first depicted on circulating coins, all presidents had been shown in profile. 2018 Do smiled. |
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