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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 8, in 1993 - U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American Free Trade Agreement. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Tennessee police stop robbery-in-progress inside mall _____________________________________________________ Q Literature is news that stays news. --- Ezra Pound (1885 - 1972) The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." --- George Bernard Shaw ____________________________________________________ >From Beverly HOMESICK SNOWBIRD! At The Villages in Florida last week, there was a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss Chicago". Someone broke all the windows, stole the radio, shot out all four of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that read: "Hope this helps" __________________________________________________ An Aussie and a Maori walk into a bakery. The Aussie steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the Maori and says, "Pretty slick aye, bro? The owner didn't even see me." Unimpressed, the Maori replies, "Typical dishonest Aussie, bro. I'm gonna show you the honest way and still get the same result." The Maori calls out to the owner of the shop and says, "Bro, I want to show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner comes over. The Maori asks him for a pastry, which the owner gives him, and the Maori eats it. He asks for another and eats that, too. He asks for a third and eats it as well. The owner says, "C'mon, mate. Where's the magic trick?" The Maori points to the Aussie and says, "Check his pockets." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Franklin, Tennessee, USA Tennessee police stop robbery-in-progress inside mall Dramatic video captured the harrowing moments officers interrupted a robbery in a Tennessee mall, possibly putting an end to a multi-state crime spree. Franklin police were initially alerted by a vigilant employee at a Jared jewelry store located inside the Thoroughbred Village Shop Center in Franklin, Tennessee, just before 8 p.m. on Nov. 4. The caller saw a person wearing a hoodie, surgical mask, hat, and sunglasses, which they found odd since it was nighttime, according to a department news release. Officers working undercover nearby located the unusually- dressed individual who got into a van. Police followed the van to the CoolSprings Galleria which was less than a mile away from the initial caller. The van parked in the fire lane of the JCPenney at CoolSprings Galleria and four masked individuals hopped out of the van and ran into the store. The driver of the van was quickly arrested as he waited outside for the others to return, police said. Inside the mall, meanwhile, the four suspects began smashing glass with sledgehammers in an attempt to steal jewelry from the display cases. During the incident, one of the individuals pepper- sprayed an employee while another tried to grab an officer's gun in the middle of an arrest. Police chased the four suspects and body cam video shows the moments officers confronted at least one of the individuals while inside the mall. In the video, one officer is seen hurriedly running into the JCPenney and chasing one of the masked suspects. Another officer is then seen tackling another suspect as he attempted to flee from the store. "All of this unfolded while the store was open, with shocked customers and employees watching," the news release continued. While police were able to corral one suspect and the driver at the JCPenney scene, the other three suspects fled on foot. Additional officers and K9 units joined in the chase. Officers were eventually able to nab another two suspects in a nearby parking lot, however, one eluded law enforcement. Investigators for "Operation Not In Our Mall" have identified an additional five robberies over the past several weeks in both Tennessee and Arkansas similar to this most recent incident. The loss of inventory amounted to about $1.5 million, police said. Detectives are working with multiple agencies across state lines to determine if the most recent incident that took place in Franklin was executed by the same suspects as the other robbery locations. "Officers will continue to vigilantly patrol and protect Franklins shopping venues throughout the busy Christmas shopping season," the news release continued. So far, "Operation Not In Our Mall" has made more than 34 arrests since it began on Nov. 1 and has led to the recovery of more than $7,000 worth of stolen merchandise, not including this recent incident, police said.I ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Esther and Sally, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Esther says," Sally, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sally agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison." "You're kidding! What for?" "For killing my third wife. I strangled her." "What happened to your second wife?" "I shot her." "And, if I may ask, your first wife?" "We had a fight and she fell off a building." "Oh my," says Sally. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Esther, he's single." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" ___________________________________________________ BRYCE CANYON'S WALL STREET, NOT MARS! Utah is a lot closer than Mars! _________________________________________________ How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? _______________________________________________ Thanks to Tim for this one: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked." ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Mannie Re: What are "Resale Rights" ? Dear Webby I have seen that phrase a lot lately. What are these "Resale rights" about ? Tks Mannie Dear Mannie Normally, when you buy a book or e-book or software, the author retains the copyright, and you go to jail or get a discouragingly big fine if you sell copies. However, some people want to get their message out far and wide, but they don't have a Multi Billion Dollar advertising budget like promoters of certain books. So they condense their books so that they are short enough for anybody's attention span, and they sell them cheap, for example for $5. Then, to further spread their books, they let each buyer sell copies to her or his friends and acquaintances, and make a bit of money. Usually they even provide nice sales pages customized for the reseller, so that all the reseller has to worry about is having a PayPal account to receive their money. What's in it for the author? Her or his name is spread a lot farther, and sometime in the future she or he can cash in on that fame by selling a slightly more expensive book. Will you get insanely rich by reselling some book? That depends entirely on how many you sell. If you sold five Million by Thursday, you would have twentyfive Million bucks in your PayPal account by the weekend. Yeah, right. But if you sell one to aunt Bertha, and a dozen to the people at work, and another dozen to the people to whom you forward jokes, that puts $125 into your account. Not bad for a $5 investment. Can you give somebody a free copy? No. When you buy it, you agree not to do that. You get reSELL rights, not give-away rights. In addition to that, if somebody just has a donated copy but has not paid their $5, then they don't get the sales page with THEIR PayPal button. In summary, it's not a get rich quick scheme, but a very low investment way to make grocery money or put gas into your tank, or to upgrade to a faster Internet connection. If you can afford to invest $5, go for it! Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!" _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 8 in 1765 - Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production of interchangeable parts. 1776 - George Washington's retreating army in the American Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to Pennsylvania. 1854 - Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 1863 - U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for the Reconstruction of the South. 1863 - Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and became the first world heavyweight champion. 1886 - At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the American Federation of Labor was founded. 1941 - The United States entered World War II when it declared war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor and Britain and Canada also declared war on Japan. 1949 - The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure. 1952 - On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged in a TV show for the first time. 1953 - Los Angeles became the third largest city in the United States. 1962 - Workers of the International Typographical Union began striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963. 1980 - Zimbabwes manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 1982 - Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later he was shot to death by police. 1984 - In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was awarded $200,000 for emotional distress. 1987 - U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations' arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles. 1987 - The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in the Israeli-occupied territories began. 1989 - Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender their control over the government and accept a minority role in a coalition Cabinet. 1991 - Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance to be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The act was denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as unconstitutional. 1992 - Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S. troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9 in Somalia.) 1993 - U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American Free Trade Agreement. 1994 - Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers, but continued to detain about 300 others. 1994 - In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the O.J. Simpson murder trial. 1997 - The second largest bank was created with the announcement that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation would merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion. 1997 - Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime minister of New Zealand. 1998 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic violation. 1998 - The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. The file contained over 1,300 pages. 1998 - Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later. 1998 - AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data networking business for $5 billion cash. 1998 - The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 1999 - In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone assassin. 1999 - Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic and political confederation. 2000 - Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player in U.S. pro sports. 2022 Do smiled.
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