Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, March 1 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Today's Bonehead Award:  Smash and graber jailed in MO  ______________________________________________________ Today, March 1 in 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing of the first practical typewriter. 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Foolish writers and readers are created for each other. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ While looking for mother related jokes, I came across this letter from GD from Dec 3, 2000: ==from GDB Hi Webby Would you believe that my mothers email program awarded the Humor Letter THREE red peppers for "naughty language" ? We had a hoot going through it with a fine tooth comb trying to find what was naughty in it and the closest we came was this: == "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. == So, Dear Webby, better be careful about this "cruelty to potatoes" stuff. Otherwise PETA will go after you and protest in front of your office! They had a topless PETA protest in Tucson last week and it caused quite a big car pile-up. ====GDB=== _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ronald E. Parks, 62, Kansas City, Missouri  Smash and grabber jailed  Another dumb criminal, this time caught on camera. Ronald E. Parks, 62, has been charged on multiple counts in connection with plowing his truck into the Gordmans store at 135th & State Line after midnight Dec. 4, stealing about $800 in women's sweaters, and getting stuck and smoking his tires on the way out. When police found him, there were Gordmans price tags in his damaged truck and a trail of them leading to his back door. He caused about $80,000 in damage to the business.  
 >From Alice Re: Whart is a "driver" ?  Dear DearWebby I too get all kinds of ads and pop ups about drivers. What are they really? Do I really need them? Alice  Dear Alice Drivers started with printers. Originally printers understood commands to print certain letters. That was fine when typists were paid according to how many pieces of correspondence they did per hour. The Women's Libbers didn't do too well with that and called that a misogynic system and demanded payment according to how beautiful their correspondence was. So Apple and Microsoft and printer manufacturers complied and enabled fancy fonts and all kinds of cute stuff. Since that was not included in the 256 different letter commands, they came up with translators for the fancy stuff. Those are called "drivers". Printers were just the beginning. Then came graphics. Each printer and camera maker interpreted things differently, so they required drivers. All that went relatively smoothly until Windows VISTA. Microsoft wrongly assumed that printer and camera makers would create drivers for items, that had been sold and paid for years ago. Well, they didn't, and there was much hue and cry and VISTA bombed. Microsoft learned their lesson and since then all new versions of Windows include tons of drivers for any printer produced since Gutenberg, plus new ones get added "in the cloud" for you to download. When you buy a new 2019 printer, your 2010 Windows sees that it does not have a driver for it, so it automatically offers to download it. Sometimes, though rarely, printer manufacturers discover problems and produce a driver to cope with that. If and when something does not work right, you can download those supplemental drivers. Their support will suggest that. Occasionally the asame thing happens with computers. For example DELL pops a pop-up about once a year suggesting to download and install a cumulative bug fix by clicking OK. No big deal. So, all in all, drivers are no problem. If and when you need them, you will find out painlessly. If you want to check your drivers, you can hit START, and type dxdiag and hit ENTER. That will give you the same as all those fancy driver checkers. For free, and without any sneaky spyware hidden in it. Have Fun! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum. 
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 A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you ust take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard.. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Wilted Lettuce You can often recover wilted lettuce by soaking it in ice cold water with a few drops of lemon juice or vinegar. Place it in the fridge for about an hour and it should be much more crisp. This also works for carrots, celery and other vegetables.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Painters interrupt an orchestra. 
 ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher, Miss Figpot, decided to stop by Little Johnny's house on her way home. She wanted to discuss Johnny's poor performance directly with his parents. When she rang the door bell, Little Johnny answered. "Hello Johnny, I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said. "Sorry, but they ain't here." He replied. "Johnny!" She said, "what is it with your grammar?" "Haven't got a clue," Johnny replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" ___________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men: they're a bunch of liars. ___________________________________________________  
 Today March 1 in 1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India. 1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion. 1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of Confederation. 1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, Lars August Mannerheim. 1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the Mameluke dynasty. 1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first national park. 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing of the first practical typewriter. 1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left due to evacuations. 1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide bureau. 1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of King Philip IV." 1911 Jose Ordonez was elected President of Uraguay. 1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a moving airplane. 1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day at Sea." 1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 1937 U.S. Steel raised workers' wages to $5 a day. 1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license plates were issued. 1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began operations. 1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite Pact. 1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as world heavyweight boxing champion. 1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to the Soviet Union. 1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. It was the first U.S. test of a dry fuel hydrogen bomb under Operation Castle. 1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of Representatives. 1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set up a presidential system of government. 1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It was the first spacecraft to land on the surface of another planet. 1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians to leave the country. 1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were introduced 90 years earlier. 1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a curfew on minors. 1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton Hotel. 1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's independence. 1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the Petronas Towers. 1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other bombs went off in the capital. 1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu rebels. 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They succeeded on March 20, 1999. 2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17, 2003, it was announced that four corrections officers had surrendered and pled innocent in connection to the theft. The mixed-media composition was a sketch of the crucifixion. 2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different organizations around the government became part of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the largest government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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