Good Morning, Do! Thank You, Andy!! Today is Monday, May 22 ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 22 in 1997, Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying and disobeying an order. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead English man accused of killing woman in coronation day hostage shooting was on bail at time of attack _____________________________________________________ Q Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do --- Lee Entrekin ___________________________________________________ Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us." ______________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising online) were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, & knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!" ______________________________________________________  Catholic Elk in Banff, by Michael Joseph Geisler __________________________________________________ Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish'". --------------- I am a bachelor. Though I have reverted to "UNtamed bachelor", I am not confirmed. Just temporarily, I hope. I firmly believe a woman could tame me again, as long as she does not require a Millionaire. _____________________________________________________ >From Lena One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jacob Cloke, Gone to hell, Dartford, England, UK English man accused of killing woman in coronation day hostage shooting was on bail at time of attack Man accused of murdering woman in coronation day hostage shooting was on bail at time of attack The Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC) has launched an investigation after it emerged that a man suspected of taking his ex-partner hostage and shooting her in the head was a known domestic abuse suspect who was on bail at the time of the attack. Mother-of-two Hayley Burke, 36, was fatally injured at her home in Dartford during the coronation weekend and later died in hospital. Jacob Cloke, 29, is believed to have held her at gunpoint and pulled the trigger during a stand-off with police. It has now emerged that Cloke was facing several charges of violence against Burke and was on bail at the time of the attack. Court records show he had been charged with two counts of assault and one of causing actual bodily harm in three separate incidents between February 2022 and last month. At a hearing on 26 April less than two weeks before the fatal shooting he pleaded not guilty to the charges at Medway magistrates court and was subsequently released on conditional bail with an order not to contact Burke or to enter Dartford, where she lived. Prosecutors also requested that he be fitted with a GPS- enabled electronic tag to allow police to monitor his whereabouts and keep him from entering the exclusion area, according to court records seen by the Observer. His next court appearance would have been in June. But on 6 May, Cloke is understood to have broken the terms of the order and gone to Dartford. It is not known whether Kent police were alerted to the breach via tag monitoring processes, or when they became aware that he was in the exclusion zone. A statement released by the force after the shooting said armed police and a trained negotiator were deployed at around 12.40pm to a house on Priory Road following reports of a disturbance and attempted to engage with a man inside the address. An inquest on Thursday heard Burke suffered a gunshot wound to the head on 6 May. She died two days later in hospital. Cloke also had gunshot wounds and died five days later in hospital. Police said they fired no weapons and were treating Burkes death as murder. The case has prompted an investigation by the IOPC to examine whether any police inaction could have contributed to Burkes death, and whether there were missed opportunities to safeguard her. _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Barb RE: Web Speed Dear Webby My Internet is getting slower and slower. How do I check the actual speed, without blaming it on my computer? I want to know what it is before I start yelling at my ISP. Barb Dear Barb You can try OOKLA https://www.speedtest.net/ and even embed that into your browser, so that you can cconveniently test at any time. It will just be a little icon at the top. You hit that, and it will do a test. A really easy to remember test is at Fast.com There are many others, but those two are the most popular ones. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ >From Joe One of the side effects of Viagra is a headache. Every time I take a pill, my wife gets a headache _____________________________________________ >From Georgina One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!" ____________________________________________ Catching her in the act, I confronted our 3-year-old granddaughter, "Are you eating your little sister's grapes?" I demanded. "No," she innocently replied, "I'm helping her share." ___________________________________________________ The Government executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble. Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket. ___________________________________________________ Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Pauline seems to be pregnant again. Her fifth!" "I did not notice Pauline." "Surely you noticed Julie! She must be over her divorce and either invested in Silicone, or is stuffing her bra!" "Julie who?" "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church." ________________________________________________ A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaah." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!" _____________________________________________  A marmot in Kananaskis, half an hour southwest of here. When I grew up in the alps in the 50s, we learned in school that Neanderthals learned from the marmots how to make hay to feed the animals in winter, and that that was the first step of conscious, deliberate agriculture and real learning. This picture of a marmot haying reminded me of that. __________________________________________________ In 1990 a woman entered a Haagen-Dazs in the Kansas City Plaza for an ice-cream cone. While she was ordering, another customer entered the store. She placed her order, turned and found herself face to face with Paul Newman. He was in town filming a movie. His blue eyes made her knees buckle. She finished paying and quickly walked out of the store, her heart still pounding. Gaining her composure she suddenly realized she didn't have her cone; she turned to go back in. At the door she again came face-to-face with Paul Newman who was coming out. He said to her, "Are you looking for your ice-cream cone?" Unable to utter a word she nodded yes. "You put it in your purse with your change." _________________________________________________ According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated Wash. Biol. Surv. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service. ____________________________________________________ Today, May 22 in 1246, Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates in France. 1455, King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 1570, Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in Belgium. 1761, In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was issued in the U.S. 1819, The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean. 1841, Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining chair. 1849, Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry dock. 1868, Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds to the seven members of the Reno gang. 1872, The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 1882, The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 1891, The first public motion picture was given in Thomas Edison's lab. 1892, Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 1900, The Associated Press was incorporated as a non- profit news cooperative in New York. 1900, A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing scale. 1900, Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 1906, The Wright brothers received a patent their flying machine. 1939, Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel." The Italians, of course, changed sides half way through WWII as is their trdition. 1947, The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece. 1955, A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and roll dances might be featured." 1955, Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV. 1964, U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson outlined his goals for his "Great Society." 1969, A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar landing. 1972, U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. 1972, The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became the republic of Sri Lanka. 1977, Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911. 1986, Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six- year deal with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for each film. 1990, In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 1990, Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 1992, Johnny Carson hosted NBC's "Tonight Show" for the last time. He had been host for nearly 30 years. Jay Leno took over the job three days later. 1997, Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying and disobeying an order. 1998, Bolivia was hit with a series of powerful earthquakes. At least 18 were killed. The quakes ranged in magnitude from 5.9 to 6.8. 1998, New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once believed. 1998, A federal judge said that Secret Service agents could be compelled to testify before a grand jury in Monica Lewinsky investigation concerning U.S. President Clinton. 1998, Voters in Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland turned out to cast ballots giving approval to a Northern Ireland peace accord. 2002, Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001. California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his relationship with Levy. 2002, In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church bombing that killed four girls. 2003, At the Colonial in Fort Worth, TX, Annika Sorenstam became the first woman to play on the PGA tour in 58 years. She ended the day at 1-over par. 2012, In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened. 2020, Australian computer scientist report they had achieved the speed of 44.2 Terabits over a standard optical fiber. Telus fiber TODAY is 95.53 Mbps download. My rich friennds on Starlink get 160 Mbps. 2023, Do smiled.
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