Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 14 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Schizophrenic Man Kidnaps Florida Baby ___________________________________________________ Today, March 14 in 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. ____________________________________________________ If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. --- Robert X. Cringely An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ Motorola, a major player in the cell phone industry, is introducing a tiny necklace cell phone for women. It's on a chain and it's worn around a woman's neck and hangs down right to a woman's cleavage. The only problem women have with it; when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.' ____________________________________________________ Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby." Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!" To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself." ____________________________________________________ Marc Garraud ___________________________________________________ A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?" The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam." "Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though." "Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started." The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?" "Well, here at the American post office, we don't do anything but sit round, drink coffee and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your coming in for that. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kyle Hauser. SS Boca Raton Florida, USA Schizophrenic Man Kidnaps Florida Baby A man diagnosed with Schizophrenia allegedly kidnapped a one year old from a playground, briefly confining the child who he snatched from the grandmother. It happened in the 400 block of South Country Club Blvd. in Boca Raton. The man, Kyle Hauser, was not related to the child. We first reported on Hausers arrest earlier this week. witnesses say they saw (Hauser) lingering around the playground area in an unusual manner. He then, without provocation, scooped the victim up into his grasp and refused to let go even after physical attempts by (people on the scene) to defeat his hold on the one year old victim. Both witnesses coincided with what was said by the victims grandmother. According to the report, Kyle Hausers father was on the scene and mentioned to officers that his son had been having mental issues lately and has been medically diagnosed with schizophrenia within the year of 2021. Although his son was recently given the medical diagnoses, the father explained that his son has never acted out in this manner and always knew the different between a right and wrong act. Kyle Hauser was charged with kidnapping a victim under 13. He remains in the Palm Beach County Jail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Nan Re: Web page editor Dear Webby Like you, I have used DreamWeaver for more than 25 years. It was great until Adobe took over Macromedia and messed it up, in addition to stealing the lifetime licenses. Well, I paid again, through my nose, to get the new CS6 version. It was a LOT worse and hard to use. Now they expect $30 a month, AND won't let it run on my W7! BASTIDS!!! There is no f@#$%^& way I am going to pay $30 a month for that piece of crap just to do free work for non-profit service clubs in our area! YOU migh be able to edit from the UNIX command line, but I am getting too old for that. What do you recommend? Nan Dear Nan I feel your pain! The sleazy bastids at Adobe did the same to me. Demanding that I downgrade to W10, in addition to demanding $30 a month, every month, was the limit. NEXT! So I switched to Google Web Designer. It works, just barely. It is a LOOOONG way from the Dreamweaver 3 in the mid 90's, but it does work and is free. Google Web Designer can't view existing web pages in design view. That is rather barbaric, but you can save pages and view them with Chrome. Passively. Yes, barbaric. If you find a better web page design program that does not cost an arm and a leg, please DO tell me! I will most gladly give them a plug here and recommend them. You CAN edit existing pages with Libre / Open Office Writer. But you would have to be extremely desperate and get a new book of cuss words. Just use Google Web Designer for now, until something better shows up. Have FUN! DearWebby A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course. Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps into the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course. Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?" He said, "I left my car keys in the bag." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Morris, a tourist, once came to Israel with the intention of visiting the Kotel (Western Wall) but he forgot what it was called. When he stepped into a taxi, he said to the driver "Can you please take me to the place where all Jews cry? Do you know where this is?" The taxi driver answered . . . "Beseder - I'll take you there". He drove Morris straight to the taxation office. ____________________________________________ A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?" "At Sunday School," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it." ____________________________________________ A man dies and is getting his tour of heaven. His guide is pointing out the various features and landmarks when the man asks, "What's that cliff?" "Oh, you don't want to look down there. That's hell!" The man creeps up to the edge and looks over. He sees lush, green valleys, verdant farmland and trees everywhere. "This doesn't look so bad," he says. Puzzled, the guide comes over and looks down. "Dang!" he snaps, "Those Mormons have been irrigating again!" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ Today, March 14 in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston's Faneuil Hall. 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across the Channel. 1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws of heredity. 1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after their war. 1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with Germany in naval strength. 1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully attempted to kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome. 1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12 hours to 93 minutes. 1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the Chilean coast. 1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with the Central Powers. 1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an income tax report. 1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed suicide. 1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge is God and itself. 1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its independence. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. 1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases were hit. 1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were married or would get married. 1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard the plane. 1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in its 23-year history. 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. 1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic militants. 1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley. 2021 Do smiled.
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