Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, August 26 Yesterday's smoke map:   Have FUN! Dearwebby >From Marlene Dear Webby, I used to spend hours every day hunting for decent pictures to use in my newsletter. Some were OK, but a lot of time people bitched. Then a friend told me to just steal them from you. So I did. No more complaints, and a lot of time saved. Thank you very much! Marlene Today's Bonehead Award: Dad severely beat baby daughter for falling while learning to walk  ______________________________________________________ Today, August 26 in 55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 1986) What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Mia I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the timer, a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving work that afternoon, I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask him to check the roast and peel some potatoes. Minutes later he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked. The oven didn't come on." The roast was on the menu again the following day, but this time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch, I decided to turn the oven on myself. Again before leaving work, I called my son to check the roast and get the potatoes started. Again he called me back. "The roast still isn't cooked." "Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it on before I left. I didn't use the timer." "Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just that the roast is still in the refrigerator." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard. After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said. "I don't have one on me," Bev replied. The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check. Then the manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?" Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson." "Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day. . . A student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head. The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Anthony Williams, 27, El Paso, Texas  Dad severely beat baby daughter for falling while learning to walk  A Texas dad is behind bars after police say he severely beat his baby girl, leaving her with life-threatening injuries. According to KFOX-TV, Anthony Williams, 27, of El Paso, was arrested Friday and charged with injury to a child after police received a report of possible family violence. When officers arrived, they found Williams' 1-year-old daughter unresponsive and critically injured, police said. She was taken to a nearby hospital. Investigators believe that "Williams struck the victim several times after she kept falling while he was 'teaching' her to walk," El Paso police said in a news release Monday. He is being held on a $750,000 bond at the El Paso County Detention Facility, the release said. 
  From Amanda Re: Wash Keyboard  Dear Webby, I spilled soup onto my keyboard. It is only a few months old, and I don't want to replace it just yet. How do I clean it? Amanda   Dear Amanda Just rinse it off in the shower, then let it drip-dry with the key side down. Modern keyboards can handle that quite OK. They are not as fast as the keyboards of the 70's and 80s and early 90s, but they are washable. Some people have even put them into a dishwasher and they survived. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 On my first day in basic training, we were lined up in a row, each of us in turn having to shout our last names. After the guy next to me had yelled, "Florence," it was my turn. I had no sooner called out my name when the training instructor was in my face, demanding to know if I was some kind of smart aleck. Satisfied that I wasn't, the red-faced TI told me never to stand next to that guy again. --- By Charles W. Nightingale 
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 Two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another room. The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the wait. The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed, spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two ladies peered doubtfully at her. Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, "She's not very p - r - e - t - t - y, is she?" Whereupon the child piped up, "Maybe not, but I'm quite s - m - a - r - t and I can s - p - e - l - l." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Rid of Monthly Storage Fees Sort through your storage unit and keep what you want, but sell or give the rest to the needy. Get out of paying those monthly storage fees! That's money wasted that you could have invested or used for vacation. A storage locker for 5 years at $75 a month would cost $4,500!  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 Mesa Verdes cliffs where some of the oldest buildings in North America are. 
 ___________________________________________________ A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. "And what day will that be?" the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, "Yesterday." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead ?" "Neither. Her grandfather is bald." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 26 in 55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius Caesar. 1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S. Congress to start on July 1st. 1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the first U.S. public kindergarten. 1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the Spanish government. 1920 The 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into effect. The amendment prohibited discrimination on the basis of sex in the voting booth. 1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar region to Germany. It had been taken by France after WWI 1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. Some historians claim that was the real start of WWII. 1939 The first televised major league baseball games were shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II. 1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled of the assembly line. 1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto opened. 1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31 and became the first German in space. 1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over South Korea. 1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its products door to door for 81 years. 1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that national elections would be held. 1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 1998 The U.S. government announced that they were investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if they "bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 2018 Do smiled. 
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