Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, February 11 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Florida Man Arrested Following Indecent "Civil Rights Protest" ___________________________________________________ Today, February 11 in 1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. ____________________________________________________ Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. --- Frank Leahy There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. --- Bruce Lee Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny had finished his vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. "Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved, and YOU are supposed to be a professional, not just an amateur like me!" ____________________________________________________ Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ One night while Sue was cat-sitting her daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, Sue found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, she called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When Sue persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." How do you know that?" I asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said. Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast. ----------------- Personally I don't care how long a cat stays up in a tree, but if your cat senses that you need to lock it up before you go to work or a movie, it WILL play hard to get and even resist the sound of the magic can operner. Waving a sheet of tin to produce the sound of distant thunder does the trick quite nicely. Of course it will want to go hide elsewhere and waste more of your time, so you will need to have somebody under the tree with a butterfly net and reasonably fast reaction time. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Riley James Cushman, 23, Dunedin, Florida, USA Florida Man Arrested Following Indecent "Civil Rights Protest" A Florida Man arrested yesterday for indecent exposure told police that he was protesting for civil rights by showing his penis to traffic, according to a criminal complaint. Cops charge that Riley James Cushman, 23, was spotted alongside a roadway in Palm Harbor, a Tampa suburb, with his pants down to his knees holding his penis while facing traffic in a vulgar manner. Upon spotting a sheriffs deputy around 3:30 PM, Cushman pulled up his pants and began walking away. When subsequently confronted by the cop, Cushman reportedly explained that he was protesting for civil rights by showing his penis to traffic, but was now finished and wanted to go home. Cushmans display resulted in his arrest for exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor. He was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $150 bond. Cushman has pleaded not guilty to the indecency charge. According to state records, Cushman, seen in the above mug shot, is registered to vote from his familys residence in Dunedin, about four miles from Palm Harbor. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Maria Re: Vacation hold Dear Webby I was just wondering if there's way to put my humor letter "on hold". Next week I'm going on a long vacation and as much as I love reading the humor, I'm trying to minimise the amount of e-mail waiting for my return, so other then unsubscribing and then re-subscribing, do you have any suggestions? I'm not very versed on computer applications so please be gentle. Thanks! Maria Dear Maria Unsubscribing definitely works, but there is a more elegant solution. Simply make a mailbox and call it HUMOR, then make a filter that filters everything with "Humor:" in the subject line or that is from "[email protected]" into that mailbox without cluttering up your IN box. That way, if you do have extra time later, you can skim through there and see what arrived while you were on vacation. It will also build you a nice archive of jokes and goofy pictures. Have Fun! 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_____________________________________________ The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention so he asked one of his top employees to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!" he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I was finished." George was baffled. "I wrote you a 20 minute speech," he replied. I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for." ____________________________________________ A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at that man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty' So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's his lawyer." ____________________________________________ That reminds me... After spending 3 1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, a man stops at a toy store to pick up a gift for his son. He selects a baseball bat and takes it to the cash register. "Cash or charge?", the clerk asks. "Cash", he snaps. But realizing he had been rude, he apologizes, telling the clerk that he had spent all afternoon at the DMV. "In that case", says the clerk, "shall I gift wrap the bat? Or are you going back there?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 11 in 1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first hospital in America. 1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel. 1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting law that favored his party. 1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's Treasure Island. 1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike against them. 1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command the allied armies in Europe. 1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1958 Ruth Carol Taylor was the first black woman to become a stewardess by making her initial flight. 1975 Margaret Thatcher became the first woman to head a major party in Britain when she was elected leader of the Conservative Party. 1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. 1982 ABC-TVs presentation of "The Winds of War" concluded. The 18-hour miniseries cost $40 million to produce and was the most-watched television program in history at the time. 1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39 banks. 1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 1993 Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney general by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female to hold the position. 2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to gather information for the most detailed map of the earth ever made. 2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline. 2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24 million each for the ninth and final season of the series. 2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 2016 It was reported that scientists had detected gravitational waves. The waves had been detected on September 14, 2015 by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors in Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA. 2021 Do smiled. |
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