Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, February 11 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Inmate's Weave Hid Coke, Meth, 78 Doses Of LSD Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 11 in 1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting law that favored his party. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. --- Bill Cosby (1937 - ) There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. --- Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We got up there, got to know 'em a little bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em baptized, made them part of the congregation and asked for donations. Haven't seen 'em since." ______________________________________________________ A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "would that supposed to be if it had turned out?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Keep trying," snapped the little old lady, "you are not even close yet!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Newport, Rhode Island _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carema Lashandra Brown, 29 Brookville, Pennsylvania Inmate's Weave Hid Coke, Meth, 78 Doses Of LSD Drug stash was discovered after jailers removed woman's fake hair A Pennsylvania inmate had 78 doses of LSD, cocaine, methamphetamine, and a glass pipe stashed under her hair weave, contraband the woman apparently smuggled into the lockup following a prior arrest, according to court records. Carema Lashandra Brown, 29, was booked into the Jefferson County jail on January 5 after she was charged with two felony theft counts. Unable to post $60,000 bail, Brown was detained at the jail in Brookville, a borough about 80 miles northeast of Pittsburgh. Within a week of Brown's arrival, jail personnel began investigating the distribution of narcotics inside the facility. During questioning, two female inmates--whose recorded phone calls indicated they had been using LSD--confessed that they obtained the acid from Brown. One of the inmates provided agents with a note allegedly written to them by Brown. You bitches sound bored! Get on my level! LOL, the note read. Please conduct yourselves in a discreet way. Just say I love you when you figure out what I'm talking about. Armed with a warrant, investigators subsequently searched Brown, who was trembling as agents perused her hair. However, Following the search of the hair no items were recovered, a probable cause affidavit reports. However, the following day jail staffers removed Brown's weave and discovered that she had narcotics hidden under her fake hair. A criminal complaint notes that investigators seized eight ounces of cocaine, eight ounces of meth, 78 doses of acid, and a glass pipe with burn marks. The drug discovery resulted in the filing of 18 narcotics counts (nine felonies, nine misdemeanors) against Brown, who is seen above. Her bail was set at $100,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randy Re: Using a TV as a second monitor Dear Webby, I need you expertise again if i may call on you again. I bought a new tower last fall, and for Christmas i received my first smart TV. Now the question is on the back of my computer there is only one port for a HDMI cable to go. is there a adapter that i can plug my TV and my monitor into so i can use both and leave the cable hooked up?????? I think i already know the answer but want to hear from you before i keep searching...thanks for the great epaper..... Thanks again Randy Hi Randy Usually you can plug the TV into the HDMI socket, and the computer monitor into the traditional Video socket, pretty well the same as when you add a second monitor. The problem is pixel density. If your TV is small, the size of your regular computer monitor, it's not too bad, but if you have one of those 54" or 60" TV screens, your text and pictures are going to look crappy, because the same number of pixels are going to be stretched over 60 inches, instead of 21. TV does not fill in and fade between pixels. It relies on being faster than the eye and fooling you. If you want to use a TV as a second computer monitor, don't put it onto your desk, but put it onto the wall six feet away from your couch or your treadmill. Using a TV as a second monitor, so that you can use wider spreadsheets, is a pain in the nuisance because of the different pixels per inch. However, if you use one for writing, and the other for look-up, it apparently works OK. So does, apparently, working on the computer monitor and watching hockey or Netflix on the TV. Electrically it works, just keep the different pixels per inch in mind. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Ten Step Guide To Being Handy Around The House 1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver. 2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. 3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. 4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. Harleys, on the other hand, are easier to work with on the coffee table in the living room. Since it probably will never run again anyway, at least it will make a nice conversation piece. 5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old. 6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on" ; or just paint over it. 7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it. 8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. 9. If something looks level, it is level. 10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!" ---------------- Actually, that's from Charlie Chaplin's "GoldRush", the only movie about Canada that I had seen before immigrating in 1970. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pinch Dead Blooms Pinch off dead blooms from flowering plants. It will help keep your plants flowering longer. If blooms or leaves have fallen onto the soil they should also be removed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A rancher gives his new bride last-minute instructions before heading to town for supplies, saying, "A vet will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a spike by the right stall so's you know which one I want him to impregnate." The wife, who's from back East and dumber'n a cedar stump, thinks this is odd, but nods that she'll do it, and the husband leaves for town. The vet arrives later, and the wife leads him out to the barn and the stall with the nail. "This is the cow right here," she tells him. "What's the spike for?" the vet asks. "Dunno. I suppose it's for hanging up your pants." | | Ford's 1930's failed American town in the Amazon rain forest. |
DearWebby, I am a recent subscriber and just wanted to say thanks for your time and effort you put into your Daily Newsletters. They seem to be a good blend of humor, info and help. Very enjoyable and it shows how much you truly enjoy helping others solve their problems as well. Thanks again, Benster ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, February 11, in 1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first hospital in America. 1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel. 1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting law that favored his party. 1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 1878 The first U.S. bicycle club, Boston Bicycle Club, was formed. 1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's Treasure Island. 1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike against them. 1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command the allied armies in Europe. 1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1957 The NHL Players Association was formed in New York City. 1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. 1982 ABC-TV's presentation of "The Winds of War" concluded. The 18- hour miniseries cost $40 million to produce and was the most-watched television program in history at the time. 1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39 banks. 1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 1993 Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney general by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female to hold the position. 2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to gather information for the most detailed map of the earth ever made. 2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline. 2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24 million each for the ninth and final season of the series. 2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 2016 It was reported that scientists had detected gravitational waves. The waves had been detected on September 14, 2015 by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors in Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA. 2018 Do smiled. |
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