Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, February 1 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Great Bend man arrested for soliciting teen for sex ___________________________________________________ Today, January 30 in 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. ____________________________________________________ I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. --- Peter De Vries The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ Computer Bumper Snickers Don't make me use uppercase. Get A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those? ____________________________________________________ The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! Finally a kid volunteered: "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive mink fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me." The daughter protests, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill till a month after Mothers Day." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Peter Nail, 37, Great Bend, Kansas, USA Great Bend man arrested for soliciting teen for sex A Great Bend man is in jail after being arrested for soliciting sex from a 15-year-old girl. Peter Nail was arrested Saturday. Great Bend police met with members of "MotorCity Justice" in reference to a tip that a man was going to pick up a girl at a location in Great Bend. Police said Nail, 37, drove to the location and was arrested on charges of sexual exploitation of a child, indecent solicitation of a child and electronic solicitation. He's being held on a $1 million bond. MotorCity Justice and police said Nail communicated through an online chat. MotorCity Justice said their mission is to "educate parents on the issue of online predators also to expose people that want to meet with children." DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Fiona Re: USB drives Dear Webby How do those USB drives work? Does it increase the cable salad? Fiona Dear Fiona USB hard drives plug into any USB port on any PC. Whenever you plug in the USB drive, it simply shows up as another harddrive. On older machines, that external USB drive will be the fastest drive. Yes, it will increase the cable salad. You can put the drive close to the computer and fold up the cable and tame it with some tape or rubber band. Have Fun! DearWebby A couple had a fatal car accident on their way to get married. The couple found themselves sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wondered if they could possibly get married in Heaven. Saint Peter showed up and they asked him. Peter said, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out." and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer ... for two months ... and they began to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together forever?" Peter returned after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," said the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "GET REAL !" St Peter shouted, "it took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it would take me to find two lawyers and a judge?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ According to a new study from Italy, some women are actually able to hear with their breasts. That of course is great for Italian men, because they talk with their hands anyway. ____________________________________________ A theologian and an astronomer were talking together one day. The astronomer said that after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that all religion could be summed up in a single phrase. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," he said, with a bit of smugness, knowing that his field is so much more complex. After a brief pause, the theologian replied that after reading widely in the area of astronomy he had concluded that all of it could be summed up in a single phrase also. "Oh, and what is that?" the astronaut inquired. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star; how I wonder what you are!" ____________________________________________ Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and cheerfully drove to work on the scenic route. "Boss," he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's nice" said the boss. "But where were you yesterday?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 1 in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S. governemnt a few months later and renamed "United States City Despatch Post." 1861 Texas voted to secede from the Union. 1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 1884 The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was published. 1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 1920 The first armored car was introduced. 1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned in 1873. 1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 68 years and 243 days of service. 1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400 pound clean and jerk as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph by an Anti Vietnam War agitator. 1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. 1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in Reno, NV. 1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton. 2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al- Mergrahi guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. 2019 U.S. President Trump confirmed that the U.S. would leave the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty of 1987 due to Russian non-compliance. Russia suspended its obligations to the treaty the next day. 2021 Do smiled. |
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