Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, September 29 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Bible Thumper arrested _____________________________________________________ Today, September 29 in 1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department with several hundred men. _____________________________________________________ If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle (1931 - 1995) _____________________________________________________ Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation: "Maybe next time," isn't the correct response. _____________________________________________________ 7:00 AM here. Looks like we are going to have a wicked storm later on! ___________________________________________________ REPORTED TO BE ACTUAL SIGNS: Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY. Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE. Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF. Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR. Dry cleaner's, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION. On a Thai highway river-crossing: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. A sign seen on a restroom automatic hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS. In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED. Hotel notice, Tokyo: IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO HAD NOTICE. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE. Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY. Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION. Taken from a menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION. Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE. From the "Soviet Weekly": THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIETS REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS. In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS. Hotel, Vienna: IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS. Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES. Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS? In the window on a Swedish furrier: FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN. The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE. In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE CREAM. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT. A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Otis Hoskins, 39, Summerfield, Floriduh, USA Bible Thumper arrested 911 Call A burglary suspect hit a cop in the face with a Bible, an attack that led to his tasing and arrest on multiple criminal charges, according to a Florida police report. Robert Otis Hoskins, the alleged Bible thumper, was collared Tuesday afternoon following a confrontation at a residence in Summerfield, an Ocala suburb. Charged with burglary, larceny, resisting, battery on a law enforcement officer, and criminal mischief, Hoskins, 39, is being held in the Marion County jail in lieu of $13,000 bond. Police responding to a 911 call about a burglary encountered Hoskins--who was only wearing a pair of gray briefs--outside his residence, next door to the burglarized property. As a deputy sought to question Hoskins, he began shouting at the cop as he approached with a book in his right hand. Hoskins then wound up and threw the Good Book at the officer, who was struck in the face and jaw by the volume. As seen above, the Bible tossing was captured by a body cam worn by a cop who was not in the line of fire. As he uncorked the throw, Hoskins stated something like I condemn you, a cop reported. Hoskins was subsequently tased and taken into custody following a brief struggle. According to an arrest report, Hoskinss wife told deputies that he does have a drug problem. Which seemed apparent when Hoskins told cops that God had directed him to break into his neighbors home and free the victims juvenile daughter. Cops noted that Hoskinss antics did not end after he was handcuffed. After defecating on himself at the crime scene, he unsuccessfully tried to bolt from officers upon arrival at the county jail. Hoskins is scheduled for an October 27 hearing in Circuit Court. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Amanda RE: USB Coffee heater Dear Webby, Is there such a thing as a USB powered heater to keep my coffee cup hot? Amanda Dear Amanda Yes, there sure is! Check at Amazon and look for USB Coffee Warmer. Probably any of the multitude they got will work, except the ones from WISH. With most of them the shipping will be more than the cost of the cup warmer, but with small and cheap items, you have to expect that. Plug them directly into the computer, NOT into 6 or 8 slot USB hubs. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ >From Jeff I went to the race track and bet on a horse that was so good that it took seven others to beat him! ____________________________________________ "The Jewish people have observed their 5761st year as a people." the Hebrew teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?" After a reflective pause, one student volunteered, "Well for one thing, the Jews had to do without Chinese food for 1066 years. ____________________________________________ Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded,"which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today September 29 in 1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department with several hundred men. 1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized police force was met with jeers from political opponents. The force became known as Scotland Yard. 1940 The radio quiz show "Double or Nothing" debuted on the Mutual Radio Network. 1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marchal Pietro Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British ship Nelson. 1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" debuted on CBS Radio. 1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi National guard in response to city officials defying federal court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith at the University of Mississippi. 1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems around the world. 1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules of Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide. 264,000 bottles were recalled. 1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the U.S. Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep U.S. Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months. 1983 "A Chorus Line" with performance number 3,389 became the longest running show on Broadway. 1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons. The weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army. 1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most beautiful woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the time in the Betty Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem. 1988 The space shuttle Discovery took off from Cape Canaveral in Florida. It was the first manned space flight since the Challenger disaster. 1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the best- selling non-fiction book in the U.S. 1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach President Fernando Collor de Mello. 1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned land that had been taken by force. 1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyist buying meals and entertainment for members of Congress. 1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure of retired U.S. General Colin Powell. 2008 The Dow Industrial Average lost 777 points. It was the largest one-day decline to date. The drop came after the U.S. House of Representatives had voted down a $700 billion bank bailout plan. 2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational. 2020 Do smiled. |
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